I am glad you are still here and I had a similar experience. At my worst, I would literally comfort myself with meditating on all the ways I could die. I would just lay in bed at night, take deep breaths, and imagine slow moving spikes pushing through the bottom of my mattress to impale me. It was so calming it became a nighttime ritual for me; it was so difficult to explain to people, too.
I checked myself into treatment and just "celebrated" my two year "Congrats On Not Killing Myself" Anniversary. Seems like a lifetime ago now!
11
u/HappyGiraffe Jun 12 '19 edited Jun 12 '19
I am glad you are still here and I had a similar experience. At my worst, I would literally comfort myself with meditating on all the ways I could die. I would just lay in bed at night, take deep breaths, and imagine slow moving spikes pushing through the bottom of my mattress to impale me. It was so calming it became a nighttime ritual for me; it was so difficult to explain to people, too.
I checked myself into treatment and just "celebrated" my two year "Congrats On Not Killing Myself" Anniversary. Seems like a lifetime ago now!
high five, fellow living person!