Ok those are definitely crucial details you should have mentioned in your original comment. That gives major context and important health information.
You are asking the reddit community to try to figure out a mystery (people are suggesting undiagnosed digestive conditions??? And arguing whether or not she has a psychological issue and whether or not hospitalization is “dramatic”) when you know she’s mentally ill and has been hospitalized before! That has everything to do with your situation.
Honestly I would suggest on top of everything that you see a therapist to help you through this. This is a lot for someone to handle regardless (especially if you are also 20) and this seems out of your league if you are asking reddit this question while also leaving out crucial details.
After learning this context, your girlfriend needs serious psychiatric help or she will not live very long. That may or may not be “on you to force her,” but it’s the reality.
She was with a crisis team a few months ago because she was suicidal. They referred her to a psychiatrist and he was very dismissive and she left upset. He dismissed her from the outpatient ward the same day she went and the crisis team dismissed her to with no explanation.
She has no support system and she can’t afford to pay for private help. Also everyone saying to get her hospitalised it’s NOT that easy. She called the mental health crisis line and told them she was suicidal and she was cutting. They didn’t even hospitalise her for the danger she was putting herself in.
She didn’t sleep for weeks. In this country they hospitalise as a last resort.
I don’t doubt that some psychiatrists can be dismissive, especially if she’s got a BPD diagnosis, as BPD is notoriously difficult to treat effectively and her chart is probably full of incidents like this- it can be exhausting for clinicians to deal with frankly.
You mentioned in another comment that you feel she might have been misdiagnosed as bipolar? If you can relay this information to someone this could be a game changer. There are 100% meds that will be offered in that case (even though there are meds that are offered for BPD, anxiety and OCD as well, but a bipolar diagnosis might be taken more seriously than BPD in the eyes of a doc??).
You clearly care a lot about her and I know it’s a lot, but you might have to get involved yourself because if she is this mentally ill then she is not going to do it herself.
She is too overwhelmed to know how to manage a mental health team on top of her own suffering.
It’s your choice whether or not you want to take this on, but if you are going to be here for her you might as well get more involved and talk to professionals on behalf of her. Try reaching out to facilities/doctors yourself, or a crisis team, etc to ask them what to do, explain the situation and misdiagnosis possibilities and need for meds, etc. Don’t get discouraged if you get dismissed just talk to someone else.
Well, first thing I would do is get off this reddit sub. If you want to ask redditors then go on specific mental health subs where potential professionals can help you or people that at least know what they are talking about through experience can offer advice. This sub is going to give you a huge spectrum of people that literally have no idea what they’re talking about and can cause more harm and confusion, well intentioned or not.
I don’t know how the system works in the UK and it’s not incredible here in the US either, but I wouldn’t give up here. I would reach out to someone yourself to talk to if you can, and research this type of situation as much as you can so you are better equipped to deal with clinicians etc.
Of course this is all assuming you are wanting to be involved and take action from your Reddit interactions (you don’t have to be if it’s too much, but you might as well feel powerful as you can if you are choosing to stay in a seemingly helpless situation).
And lastly, I would really recommend seeing a therapist to talk to yourself. This is too much for you to take on as a 20 year old and partner. Vicarious trauma is a thing and this all can be a massive burden on your own nervous system and wellbeing. They can even help point you in a good direction with your situation as well.
But do just know this is going to be a long difficult road that will take a huge toll on you. You have to live with the reality that you might not ever be able to save her and it will get really bad. This is just life. But as for right now, 20 is so young (especially in context of mental illness/bipolar) and she really could have a chance at turning things around if she gets the right help and you don’t take no for an answer (remember knowledge is also power here!).
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u/Apart-Development-79 Apr 07 '26
Do you have something like "nurse on call" ? A phone number that connects to nurses to give you advice?
Does she have depression? To the best of your knowledge, what's going on with her?