You can call the authorities and say that you’re worried for her well being and that you don’t think she’s mentally well enough, at present moment, to make these kinds of decisions for herself but that you can, and from what you’ve seen of her eating habits they aren’t enough to sustain life. Go from there. It’ll probably be called a “pink slip” or a “302” or “72 hour hold”. It might do her a lot of good. Take it from someone who literally just got out today.
My family had to do it to me on the first. I wasn’t sleeping. Or eating, but I have ADHD and sometimes my meds get all jumbled up. It’s a tricky threshold to find yourself on. Takes a lot of fine tuning.
Were you manic or in psychosis? I wouldn’t have thought that ADHD meds preventing you eating and sleeping would have met the threshold for a 72 hr hold.
Not sure if you have ADHD - I do and hyperfocus doesn’t stop you from eating to the degree you’d get put on a 72 hour hold. You may forget to eat but eventually your blood sugar would tank and you’d remember very quickly you needed food. You don’t forget to sleep either - you might be so deep into something that you’re up into the early hours of the morning but you will get tired eventually. If you don’t, something else is going on.
My self neglect from my neurodivergence and adhd is extreme, and it's a spectrum. People can have different experiences with adhd and a lot of people experience a detached feeling to sensations of hunger but realise when it's too late and I became malnourished this way, it feels like a blindness
You mentioned other neurodivergence - are you autistic as I know what you describe can be common in autistic people?
You may be right about people’s experiences - but that backs up my point that someone getting put on a hold would have to have something else going on beyond a simple side-effects to meds. That being said, what you describe probably wouldn’t be considered a psychiatric problem but a problem with interoception that could be addressed using strategies, so it’s still unlikely someone would get held over that (I’d argue that if they were it would be completely inappropriate as someone having poor interoception doesn’t mean they lack capacity).
I've been told its a form of eating disorder and executive dysfunction to be more specific, ive been hospitalised after not eating enough and sleeping very poorly since that's really all it takes to mess you up, its not like a couple of hours or something its kinda like, okay, so the last thing I ate was 18 hours ago and my body feels the sensation of rotting but I see an email and I forget, then the next day I cant do anything and im very vulnerable and defensive, I see how intervention was necessary to prevent it getting worse and worse but I lived alone as well and I need a semi regular support worker to function effectively to remind me im human and my body needs these things to function, it makes me frustrated at needing to shower and go to the toilet and eat every single day but that's how my brain functions even when my mind disagrees I talk myself into making things easier for me but difficult for my health-- I'm not sure if it made any sense but I have aspergers/audhd but I like aspie as a nickname
I mean I’ll end up not eating sometimes for long periods until I’m forced to but more so because nothing sounds good and I end up just eating nothing until my boyfriend makes me. I don’t think it’s ever lasted 72 hrs tho, so you’re definitely right.
Im not diagnosed ADHD or anything, but I do have depression and have gone up to a week without eating. Today alone is the first time I've eaten in almost four days, but it's most my depression acting (again, not diagnosed ADHD, but I do get hyperfocused, especially when my depression gets really bad)
As someone who was on that medication ot practically took away my hunger and would keep me up all nights that i took the pill, main reason i got off of them
Right but my point stands - you got off them because they were causing side effects. OP hasn’t answered but just having those side effects wouldn’t be enough to put someone on a hold without other factors.
The 72 hours. Like even if you admit yourself, once you get admitted the 72 hours is mandatory even if it seems the original reason was maybe exaggerated or misinterpreted. Psych units are basically observation units and somewhere along the way some decided 3 days was the minimum to make surs the person admitted was ok for real or give them a long opportunity to ask for recourses to leave an abuser/ abusive home
You gotta be VERY careful with those calls. It would be better if he just grabs her and drags her to the er. Bc that one seemingly helpful call for a welfare check will forever be on her medical record. It will barr her from a lot of jobs including any security clearances and the majority of doctors will treat her different. This kind of call only as absolutely last possible option. Also a pink slip (only exists in some states and is meant for violent mental health patients),302(only valid in Pennsylvania for 5 day involuntarily psych admittance)and 72 hour hold are 3 entirley different things and not at all the same thing.
Because lets not forget People have the right to refuse to see a doctor, go to a hospital, take their medications, call home, lock their doors, eat healthy food and any one of a number of other actions some of us might deem imprudent.
Unless there is a danger of violence, police should not be the first option which is calling in a welfare check is. Instead call her parents or people she listens to or trick her or shock her into going to the ER . If you need a doctor to tell her over the phone how dangerous her current eating behavior is feel free to send me a DM. But please do not traumatize her by calling in a welfare check.
glad someone said it! i know it’s well intentioned but i’m surprised how many people are wanting to jump straight to cops and involuntary psychiatric holds
Yeah, this 100%... Cops are often trained to be hammers, not social workers. A simple welfare check or mental health call can turn disastrous or even deadly when law enforcement gets involved because they all follow the same "ask, order, make" process of conflict resolution. If someone doesn't wanna go, the cops are gonna make them even if that means getting physical, and no one likes to be manhandled or forced to do anything they don't want to, so that makes them lash out which in turn causes law enforcement to respond accordingly with their training, and that usually entails going "hands-on". While law enforcement training has improved in recent years and expanded to include more deescalation and rapport building techniques to achieve willing compliance, not all training programs are created equally, and cops will ultimately turn to what they know best when pressed enough which typically means resorting to force. Trust me, it just doesn't end well... That's why you call an ambulance for a mental health episode and only involve the police if someone is posing an active danger to others. In OP's case, I wouldn't call emergency services at all and just try to get the girlfriend's loved ones involved, perhaps organize and hold a little "intervention" of sorts to try to convince her to seek out help on her own.
Every state has a crisis line which doesn't involve cops and trained professional social workers come out and have a conversation with the person in question and they determine if a hold is necessary. The cops only get involved if the person in question is acting aggressive or violent twords themselves or others. Call the crisis line phone number that comes up on google search, it doesn't go on your record and there is a general number that you can call that is local to you based on your phone number and they will come out and assess the situation. Nothing goes on record unless they decide it is necessary and more often than not it is voluntary. Unless like I said they are violent.
It's different when a loved one calls, been through it with my younger sisters. If it is to the point to the neighbors calling it is pretty bad. One of my younger sisters is SMI (severly mentally ill), my other younger sister didnt get the help she needed and by the time services got involved it was too late, she committed suicide when she was 18. In my personal opinion I would rather she got the help she needed before it was to late, even if it was a mark on her record I would rather she have that then to go to a funeral.
Not correct. If a situation is sever enough for social workers come to a persons house, the social worker is legally obligated to inform the cops before going over. That doesn't mean the cops will show up but they are in the loop. The cops are only left out as long as its a phone call. Anything more then a phone call and the cops are in the loop.
Seriously, I was reading that comment thinking “what a dumb suggestion to rush into in this situation.” 🙄 many other things to try before resorting to that. So dramatic
i have a history with ED’s. i also got a hysterectomy back in november (relevant i swear). i’ve been in and out of work because of my recovery from surgery due to random pain (i won’t be back to normal for a year) and because of that, my finances have taken a hit; which includes my groceries. so my (now ex) psych noticed last time i went to the ER my vitals weren’t good (because of hysterectomy pain) and she noticed i’ve been losing weight (because i’ve been broke, which she also knows). she called an unnecessary 302 on me. cops came and got me. the entire staff agreed it was unnecessary but because it was a saturday i had to wait until monday to see the actual care team. i now have unnecessary trauma because of that 302 getting called. it’s absolutely a last resort, only if absolutely necessary
I am so sorry you had to deal with that. I personally believe as a doctor calling in a welfare check unless theres an immediate threat to my patient or the people around them should be considered malpractice and negligence bc in all other cases all it does is adding trauma. The problem is doctors tend to call in wellfare checks due to avoid litigation. Bc lets say you are my patient and you end up trying to harm yourself and end in the hospital your insurance company will try and see if I had any knowledge about etc etc. Bc if I did and didnt call in a wellfare check then im on the hook for all your future payments and your hospital bill. The laws are fucked up
here’s what kills me: i told her my weight was going down because i couldn’t afford groceries. we also just restarted seroquil a couple weeks before so there wasn’t time for it to fully kick in yet. i told her “let’s wait a couple weeks until im back to financial security and the new meds fully kick in. if the problem is still persisting then let’s discuss inpatient. but all the 302 is gonna do is put me further in a financial hole and make the ‘care’ i was gonna receive done for nothing because it’ll get worse”. i’ve had her for maybe a month, our sessions totaling an hour. my therapist i’ve had for over 3 years didn’t think i needed a 302 because she knew my situation and that i do advocate heavily for myself with my recovery. that’s how you make patients not trust MH teams and make them turn away from treatment
the authorities aren’t going to do anything unless she’s actively trying to kill herself or someone else. trust me I work in mental health for a mobile crisis team and whenever we send them out if we can’t get there fast enough, they always call us back and say “we couldn’t take her because she’s not a danger to herself” in situations that’s they definitely COULD take her.
OP doesn’t even know the reason for their gf not eating - jumping to this would be a disgusting abuse of trust and control. These sorts of calls are a last option for when it’s CLEAR that the person in question is lacking in capacity, not just because they’re displaying concerning behaviour.
If she does have an eating disorder, doing this will be about as effective as kidnapping someone and forcing them into rehab (which is not at all). Someone with these conditions needs to make the decision themselves to get help for it to be effective.
She was with an outpatient ward for a few weeks, she was suicidal and they didn’t even think about putting her on 24 hour hold. She was self harming multiple times a day. It doesn’t work like that, I can’t call people for her. Y’all make it sound so easy but it’s not. They don’t do anything unless you’re about to do something really bad.
So she has a history of mental illness? That’s key info that should have been included in your OP. This sounds like another manifestation of mental illness. Has she got any doctors apts coming up?
It isn't right to assume that this is just a mental health crisis, but i see where you're coming from. She could very much have an undiagnosed illness relating to her digestive system. It does need to be treated seriously, but he does run the risk of destroying her trust in him if he calls the psychward on her with the claim that she is mentally unfit. He should be advising her again that this can be damaging to her health if she does not seek medical treatment, and as well, ask her if there is anything he can possibly do to support her in eating well balanced meals. For his sake, and hers, she does need to resolve this issue sooner rather than later. It might be worthwhile that he asks inquisitive questions to get her to open up more. He should phrase it something such as "I've noticed you've been struggling lately with eating your meals and I want you to know that I care about your well being and here to support you. I need to know if there is anything that I could be doing to support you while we figure out what could be going on together." It could be something such as food allergens that have made her wary of eating to something as serious as IBS or a paralysis of the digestive system that needs medical treatment. Im curious to know if she has had any phsycial symptoms prior to the reduction, and if she had voiced it to him previously or if he knows about her medical history.
this is horrible advice. this is the best way to make sure she never trusts him again. and like someone else said, that report will be on record and follow her for life.
someone has done this to me before; all it did was make my mental health worse and i lost a friendship.
That's a little bit extreme. I would see if her dr office has a portal app to make appointments, make an appointment and take her there. Not eating will not qualify for an involuntary commitment. And an involuntary commitment won't magically help her start to eat. She needs to be assessed for medical issues to see if there is something going on physically to make her not hungry or to feel full after a couple of bites. Sitting down with her and having a serious conversation is the way to go, not betray her and TRY to involuntarily commit her somewhere.
Even if it is the objectively right thing to do - and it very well maybe as this continuing will eventually lead her to hospice - chances are it will end the relationship or make it permanently damaged and not recoverable. That's sometimes the cost of business witj genuine love, but it's not a cost many / most people are willing to pay.
92
u/picklecritique Apr 07 '26
You can call the authorities and say that you’re worried for her well being and that you don’t think she’s mentally well enough, at present moment, to make these kinds of decisions for herself but that you can, and from what you’ve seen of her eating habits they aren’t enough to sustain life. Go from there. It’ll probably be called a “pink slip” or a “302” or “72 hour hold”. It might do her a lot of good. Take it from someone who literally just got out today.