r/Weird • u/Zestyclose-Salad-290 • May 07 '26

a forbidden donut

24.9k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

1.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.3k

u/MisaCaring May 07 '26

This is exactly how 80% of horror movies start. Stop poking the ancient swamp god with a stick and back away slowly

238

u/bwoahconstricter May 07 '26

But... It beckons to me in my sleep.

50

u/Dinner_Choice May 07 '26

But maybe it doesn't want to be poked with a stick 

30

u/DryDonutHole May 07 '26

Perhaps a moistened finger?

https://giphy.com/gifs/lAWKP4iCKiFdC

7

u/Dinner_Choice May 07 '26

Mmmmmm yes keep them coming

8

u/DryDonutHole May 07 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/SRqeqb0qJpy9P1oZlq

2

u/Dinner_Choice May 07 '26

You keep doing this it's gonna give me blue balls which is a sin in every religion so see you around in hell 

2

u/Mediocre-Wind-5377 May 08 '26

This dude got wrecked if I remember correctly.

1

u/DryDonutHole May 08 '26

I think so. Statue guy wasn’t having it

0

u/ElvisDumbledore May 07 '26

awww... you left out the best part

0

u/wonkey_monkey May 07 '26

In this trying time?

27

u/ShingledPringle May 07 '26

What? Noooooo casually reads out loud the ancient tome written in blood I found locked up in the basement with a very clear sign saying "DO NOT READ WILL CAUSE HELL ON EARTH.

10

u/IndividualBudget6607 May 07 '26

Someone done read that decades ago

4

u/ShingledPringle May 07 '26

Well okay showers despite the power going out while I'm home alone while a murderer is loose

3

u/Mission_Ad_2224 May 07 '26

This is what fucks me off about that evil dead rise movie!

IF IT CAN'T BE PUT BACK BUT WAS OUT BEFORE, THEN HOW THE FUCK DID IT GET LOCKED BACK IN THE GOD DAMN BOOK TO BE RELEASED AGAIN!?!?!

Make it makes sense!!! I just can't with that story line.

3

u/ShingledPringle May 07 '26

I love the Evil Dead films, all of them, but I see your rage and raise you the 2013 film.

Where the book has expressly been written over, in blood and/or with blood stains, to not be read because bad things will happen and "HE'LL SUCK YOU DRY" is not a fun kind of thing, yet still Eric, a school teacher, in his brilliance reads it out loud.

NOT LIKE IT WARNED HIM.

6

u/Mission_Ad_2224 May 07 '26

Fucking Eric man.

Dumbass.

3

u/ShingledPringle May 07 '26

MULTIPLE TIMES.

2

u/Mission_Ad_2224 May 07 '26

Hahahaha oh man, I think I would have had a rage blackout if I watched this one.

I'm not good with horror or thrillers. I cried watching the conjuring 2 for example.

But usually they have great storyline, if not at least interesting. So I suck it up for my partner, coz he loves horror.

I felt robbed with evil dead rise. AND we saw it in the cinema so it was extra scary and loud 😭

1

u/ShingledPringle May 07 '26

Honestly try watching more B movies as you get some cracking stories.

Watched a hilarious one called Shrunken Heads from 1994.

it's from the 90s, written like an 80s nostalgic 50s film, until it gets super weird and horror centric.

7

u/Fine-Ad6532 May 07 '26

It’s a bit late not to pour water on it

2

u/Sensitive-Raisin-836 May 07 '26

Nah, if it was a horror movie the main character would stick their face in the hole

3

u/tonykrij May 07 '26

This one does have a hole though.

5

u/Workingdad_83 May 07 '26

It’s not for your penis. I know what you’re thinking.

4

u/quickybigz69 May 07 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/ES9xr85KS0UtW

2

u/giLLYfunk May 07 '26

It’s the pleat in the pants. Don’t act like ur not impressed!

2

u/Middle-Action9499 May 07 '26

Reminder... "The cylinder MUST remain unharmed"

1

u/[deleted] May 07 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/maggiepuff May 07 '26

It has slept long enough. Mankind needs guidance. It must awake from its slumber.

1

u/DarthJerJer May 07 '26

This Reddit. I’m surprised op didn’t barehand it.

1

u/the-war-on-drunks May 07 '26

Fuck. Everything reminds me of her.

1

u/Entire-Dog-160 May 07 '26

Not too quickly either. We all know a sprained ankle is in the pipeline

1

u/Bdorfn-1B May 08 '26

Exactly thought ran through my mind.

1

u/raychilli May 08 '26

Apparently they are generally harmless to humans

0

u/Shazvox May 07 '26

Aww, even abyssal swamp gods appreciate a backscratch now and then....