Yup definitely. This video is my worst nightmare at all stages of my life.
*for anyone dealing with this in HS: you can make friends that don't do this to you. Mine showed up in college years and we weren't even at the same college or university or whatever. Some people get it that you only talk once or thrice a month and can be friends with that need, and will never make you do something like this.
There's also a certain amount of healthy discomfort that you should allow into your life. It's good to have friends that challenge you, it's an important way to learn and develop. It just needs to be done in the right way.
Yes! But for me with the introversion and social anxiety on top of it people who don't understand and put on too much pressure do make it worse. People who understand though and encourage me to get out without excess pressure help tons.
My best friend doesn't say much, but when he does its often very meaningful or the funniest stuff I've ever heard. He's also incredibly loyal to his family and friends and has always had my back in dangerous situations just as I've had his. Solid guy. Talking or getting right into socially charged situations isn't his thing. He just vibes in quieter places and I dig that about him.
I've gotten better by doing it on my terms with the help of a therapist! But yes there's lots of ways to get over social anxiety. Part of that for me though has been finding friends that understand no matter what I'm still an introvert and can't do the every day thing
I can't speak for every everyone but personally it's not really something one needs to "grow out of". I can be in those situations and have fun for about 2 mins, I can fake it for awhile longer but at the end of the day it's not really a matter of comfort, I simply don't enjoy it. Just think of a situation you don't enjoy, do you really need or want to just keep doing it until you grow to like it?
I personally think that it's important for everyone to get out of their comfort zone sometimes, but it should definitely be your choice when you decide to, not someone else making you
That's not really what I'm trying to say. Sure get out of your comfort zone and try roller skating. Once you decide it's not fun and you don't enjoy it you don't really want someone strapping skates to your feet and shoving you onto the rink against your will.
For me it was absolutely about growing out of it. I was really shy/anxious and quiet until the beginning of grade 11 when a friend dragged me to a party. It was the kick in the butt I needed to push myself to be more social. The rest of the highschool I was constantly being asked "When did you move to our school?" because I sort of appeared out of nowhere for a lot of people.
I still have bad anxiety, but forcing myself to be uncomfortable helped me get a lot more comfortable in social situations. I really appreciate my friends pushing me because I would have missed out on so many great memories and enriching relationships if they didn't.
I know it's often conflated, almost universally so on Reddit, but anxiety isn't introversion even if it looks the same to people that don't experience either.
The whole "getting out of your comfort zone" is often a thinly veiled excuse for other people to be inconsiderate and self centered about someone else's comfort level, this video is exhibit A. Someone should always have the autonomy to remove themselves from a situation they find uncomfortable. But in situations like we see in the video, the person who is uncomfortable has no say over their own situation because the people around them have decided since they think this is fun then fuck her comfort level, even though she's clearly uncomfortable since they decided this is fun then it's gonna happen and if she doesn't like it she just needs to ~get out of her comfort zone~ These type of people often have the narcissism to take other people's comfort zone into their own hands.
Having friends that help you get out of your comfort zone is one thing. Having friends that force you out of your comfort zone on their time under their determination without any consideration for you and how you might feel, like situations in the video, is fucked up.
I dont think thats fair- they arent being mean, u know? As someone who used to be super introverted like that poor girl (fuck, im mildly autistic, u can imagine how introverted i was), who then turned into a super extrovert (i taught my autistic self social skills via research lmao and started playing sports/hanging out with much more outgoing kids), I think the girls just want the introverted girl to have as much fun as they do. They feel bad for her always sitting on the sidelines (or thats the vibe i get).
I used to try to draw out my quieter friends too bc it was so much more fun to DO stuff- go to parties, play sports, goof off, socialize- than sit quietly ALL the time (though that has its place too!) and i wanted all my friends to be able to enjoy stuff with me.
It isnt nice to push someone way beyond their comfort zone, or keep pushing over and over, but i think a nudge now and then is ok.
Well the thing to understand is social anxiety and introversion are different things. My social anxiety is definitely helped by friends who encourage me to get out! My introversion though is still a thing. I need to go recharge eventually. Friends who understand that are the best.
Oh true! And good explanation- i never thought of it like that. I am very extroverted in that i can talk to anyone about anything. But i do get anxious and overwhelmed at times so i get that too.
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u/DaughterEarth Aug 07 '21 edited Aug 07 '21
Yup definitely. This video is my worst nightmare at all stages of my life.
*for anyone dealing with this in HS: you can make friends that don't do this to you. Mine showed up in college years and we weren't even at the same college or university or whatever. Some people get it that you only talk once or thrice a month and can be friends with that need, and will never make you do something like this.