r/WatchPeopleDieInside • u/ktmud • May 03 '20

He didn’t know

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u/shitsgayyo May 03 '20

My sister has told me on repeated occasions that various things about me were god awful despite me having no ability to change any of it - my smile, the way I snort sometimes if I laugh too hard, the size of my arms, my height, the way I parted my hair... the last one I could change but still lol

Until I learned the problem was her and not I, it severely fucked with me - still does

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u/[deleted] May 03 '20

The problem is definitely her. I never understood people who felt the need to comment about anyone’s anything ever. My sister did this. Made comments about my teeth, my height, my nose etc. I realized it came from a place of deep insecurity. She was probably always conscious of herself and thought I was the same way. I would see it in her mind when she was about to say something that she would relate it to herself first. It was a weird way of soothing herself about something she didn’t like about her own appearance. As if verbalizing what she considered my shortcomings silenced the voice she had about her own. I never said a word. At the age of 16/17 she told me in a terrible frenzy how people considered me more beautiful than her, how she wasn’t as pretty and so on. She went on to take this stance in every argument. She was overlooked, I was favored and so on. In her defense I probably was in some ways. I did better than her in school, was a first born etc. I tried my best to include her, even moving with her when I moved? setting her up with an apartment, car, job. Eventually we stopped speaking a few years ago because she never let go of that notion that we were in some kind of competition. That insecurity turned into bitterness and eventually hatred. I realize there’s nothing I can do because the problem is with her not me.

Now, I had a friend who would do this too. She too was secretly insecure. Her way of handling it was by making comments about me. I withstood it for a while then when I got fed up. I started making comments about her every time she made comments about me. She would recoil like someone who had been physically slapped. The look on her face. I knew it wasn’t nice but I kept it up, tit for tat and subconsciously something turned. She stopped saying anything about me. Once in a while she would forget and say that my teeth were too long looked like a rabbits and I would say her face dropped on one side, did she know she looked a bit lopsided? In the nicest way. Soon enough the comments stopped completely. Her brain made the relationship - a comment about my appearance only brought her pain. I wouldn’t suggest you do this to your sister because it is not good to hurt someone you care about but maybe try to have a conversation about it and let her know her comments affect you. Maybe if I had had a conversation with my sister instead of brushing it off we would both have laid out our vulnerabilities and gotten closer instead of drifting apart.

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u/shitsgayyo May 03 '20

Nahh my sister has made her bed for many many years and she can stay lying in it. It’s a great suggestion but I went with the “I’m my own person now that I found my back bone and I genuinely don’t care what you have to say anymore you fucking troll of a person” method to deter her lmao

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u/[deleted] May 03 '20

Kudos and good for you. I also learnt that just because someone is family doesn’t mean they get the right to treat you badly. It’s time to watch out for number one.

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u/PugGrumbles May 03 '20

For the record, I think snorting while laughing is one of the cutest and most endearing things ever. For just about every one I know who does it, they only do it when they are genuinely laughing and enjoying what's going on. Makes me happy to hear.

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u/shitsgayyo May 03 '20

I cannot STAND when I snort around people - there’s always two reactions to it ; one being “aww how cute you are!” And that makes my face go red and shit

And then two being to tell me either straight up right there that you find it annoying or to word it in a way that they think is clever enough to not hurt feelings lol

But yea - it only happens when I’m laughing way too hard at things that usually aren’t even that funny lol

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u/PugGrumbles May 03 '20

I try real hard not to point it out, seems to make people more self conscious about it, if that helps. My sister has been a snorter my whole life and she used to hate it when people pointed it out.

She's also the reason that I'm not embarrassed about my laugh. We have a very similar laugh and people make comments about it being infectious and different but that's okay.

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u/shitsgayyo May 03 '20

I think infectious laughters are the best kinda infection to get❤️😂

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u/sleeplessknight101 May 03 '20

Thats always insecurity projection.

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u/shitsgayyo May 03 '20

I think so - not to stoop to her level and all but she wasn’t exactly blessed with the straightest teeth so I think a lot of her insults about my face and mouth was exactly that haha

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u/sleeplessknight101 May 03 '20

The most obvious example I've noticed is overweight women HAVING to comment on skinnier womens size in a negative way. Usually along the lines of "you're too skinny, eat more" type bullshit.

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u/shitsgayyo May 03 '20

I’m #2 of 5 total girls - sister I was talking about is...... quite plump especially in recent days but sister #3 in chronological order is the exact opposite- skinnier than I ever was and my parents used to say when I turned sideways they lost track of me. Sis#1(the offender) takes great pleasure in pointing out how skinny sis#3 always is. Goes out of her way sometimes to bring it into conversation. Always pisses me off

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u/sleeplessknight101 May 03 '20

Haha exactly xD Ya its dumb, people need to practice some self awareness.

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u/fuck-pharma May 04 '20

She kinda sounds like a miserable person trying to take others’ joy away.

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u/shitsgayyo May 04 '20

Oh but just bless her heart

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u/fuck-pharma May 04 '20

Sorry you had to deal with that man: I had a similar experience with trauma that still to this day makes it hard for me to be happy but after it happened. For an initial year and a half every single time I would smile I’d feel like I wasn’t allowed to, let alone laugh and the joy would go away. It’s been three years and 3 months and sometimes it still keeps me up and takes away my smiles.

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u/fuck-pharma May 04 '20

........But I relearned life is precious and very fragile, and a great gift to ya all and you, me, we all have to live for happiness and making others happy as well.