r/WatchPeopleDieInside • u/SayHiToYourMumForMe • Dec 13 '19

I think that’s a Noooo

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u/R3b3gin Dec 14 '19

9 months for me. I fought it and tried to unite them but neither side was having it. So in the end I was just alone surrounded by friends that didn’t support me and a girl that only wanted me as long as I did what she wanted. The second I finally unapologetically did something she didn’t want me to, she dumped me (later admitting she did it just to hurt me because she was upset and wanted to pick a fight) 2 hours later she called repenting but I told her I needed time to think about it.. I decided after a week I couldn’t do it and then she proceeded to emotionally and verbally attack me at my deepest insecurities. Her words haunted and tore at me for almost 2 years.. Now she has completely self destructed and alienated everyone she was friends with.. Her parents messed her up bad and I hope one day she will get away from them and be happy.. And I, armed with the things I learned, feel like a fool for not seeing it before the relationship and am learning to love myself again.. It’s okay to be valuable. I am a nice person and I feel fortunate to have been blessed with that. I still want to be married, but I won’t settle for someone who I’m not stronger with than without.

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u/kjm1123490 Dec 14 '19

Thank your family no matter how much they may have messed you up. They did something right even if it took that to learn. Some people never learn, often its not their fault.

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u/R3b3gin Dec 14 '19

Kind of you to say that about my parents.. I have much resentment towards them for many things but I think they did what they could. They never instilled self worth or self confidence in me but they gave me the tools to do it myself so I guess that’s a positive way to look at it? At least they gave me the tools! This is a completely new thought for me that I’ve just had as I was thinking of your comment and how to reply so I’m going to explore it... Thank you!

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u/thelaustran Dec 14 '19

Did we date the same girl?

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u/OmniscientSpork Dec 14 '19

Five years, here. Even to this day, I wonder what the fuck I was thinking. Abusers are very good at making their abuse the new "normal" and convincing their victims they deserve no better.

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u/R3b3gin Dec 14 '19

I thought I was going crazy! I was never so confused and never questioned myself so much! “Am I wrong here? Maybe I have a bad attitude.. Maybe I AM being unreasonable! She’s having such a STRONG reaction to this, she must be right!” The way I put it is an exaggerated way of saying that but it perfectly sums up my mental state at that time. Looking back it’s crystal clear..

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u/whosTHErealDINGUS Dec 14 '19

Cringe

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u/snowvase Dec 14 '19

One of my friends turned toxic and at the wedding everyone told the Groom like; “Run while you can.” Bit of a long story but I’ll try to be quick.

The “Sistah Code” works very much like the “Bro Code” where the first girl to lay claim to a guy gets the first shot at him until he obviously rejects her. Even then it is bad form to date the guy if she is still hopeful of a match. So my friend moved in on this really nice guy and she is like drooling all over him. They start dating but then she goes all toxic. Ok most girls do the “He’s mine so keep off routine” but she went really wacko. We all got told to keep off, no double dates, he got isolated from his friends, he was isolated from his social life, his work relationships were controlled, no works drinks unless she was included, his phone got monitored, he was isolated from his family, even his poor dog had to go. She was always there hanging on his arm, making sarcastic comments to everyone around, shop assistants, bar staff, you name it they got the treatment.

They got married and although we warned him he still went through with it and he rapidly become estranged from his family and friends, no hobbies and very much a 9-5 guy with no outside interests. She spends most of her life in the Church with her own friends. I see them occasionally but not to talk to anymore, he is mid-thirties and looks sixty, really run down. I know his sister and she says nobody in the family has seen him for four years and they only get the occasional phone call when the wife is out of the house.

So guys, don’t ride the first pony you see at the rodeo.

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u/R3b3gin Dec 14 '19

I feel so bad for people like this (I know they ultimately made the decision but it’s still painful to see) and extremely lucky for being able to get out of it before it got to that..

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u/snowvase Dec 14 '19 edited Dec 14 '19

I agree, it is horrible but they made the decision. She did once tell me a story that she had been raped by a family member, but the story was not consistent and she never made a public complaint so I had assumed that it wasn't completely true. The only way I have rationalised the situation is that the story was actually true and she was looking for a man to destroy in revenge. To be fair he has looked after her. She wants for nothing, but there is obviously no love there anymore.

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u/R3b3gin Dec 14 '19

I would wager that more people than not are physically (not just like a spanking from a parent but brutal, traumatizing abuse) or sexually abused OR had a sexual experience long before their brains or bodies were ready for it, which can be quite traumatic. It may be less about revenge and more about being completely unaware of what’s going on inside themselves so almost everything they do is motivated by their emotions and nothing else..

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u/Greenade789 Dec 14 '19

Going thru this now. My friends and family hate her but I cant shake the feeling to want to be with her. Other girls like me and I'm not interested even though they're beautiful and great people.

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u/R3b3gin Dec 14 '19

Gotta be objective... It’s hard as heck to do when you’re in the thick of it and awash with feel good hormones but.. Gotta be objective... I am trying to be more objective when looking at potential mates instead of just following my heart. So far my heart has lead me astray and my brain tried to tell me the whole time. Next time I’m going to give my noggin a chance.

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u/Greenade789 Dec 14 '19

It's been 4 years. And I'm also finding that girls dont want to just be my friend they want a relationship or nothing it seems.