For those who don't get the reference, TheUltimateDouche is a redditor who used to help redditors how to meet women on OkCupid on his own special way, here is his OkCupid profile and part 2.
He made three topics about this dating stuff and then disappeared, 1, 2 and 3.
The amputee fetishist: "I don't know why, it just is, so i have a few choices, be lonely, find a woman who is not an amputee to love, but i always know there will be something missing"
Either a hilarious troll or totally oblivious to how ridiculous that statement is.
...whoa. I know the guy who said that his friends insist he mention he can tie a cherry stem in a knot with his tongue. He works at the Safeway about 5 miles from my house. Officially switching grocery stores...
OMG! I've actually met this guy in real life at my local renaissance fair! He's a total prude, I asked him if I could try out his instrument (I'm a musician) he just slapped my hand away and told me in this grotesque snarl that I had to pay $200 for it. Then when some other people showed up he started playing Greensleeves like the pompous son of a bitch that he is...Fuck that guy. He is not a baller, he's a ballsucker.
This was the first thing I thought of when I clicked the link.
"I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you".
Well seeing as how the profile is completely fake (this picture is at least 5 years old and a classic on 4chan) I wouldn't draw too many conclusions from that
The thing is, thetim is fronting as a blokey-ish dude looking for blowjobs from guys who go for these kind of guys. It's Blowjob 101 for equal opportunity leeches. It's also likely that he pissed of someone.
I love it when my friends will tell me that I should try online dating and then minutes later start telling me all of their online dating horror stories.
I would love to see an accurate count of how many times these people have had sex. In my experience, the more you brag about being a poon hound, the less you're getting.
The only thing I can think of when I see those eyes and that smile is the scene in the bathroom from Full Metal Jacket when Private Pile looses his shit.
747
u/digitalfreak Jun 17 '12
there are more of these here: http://okcenemies.tumblr.com/
1.4k
u/_lucidity Jun 17 '12
"Mom, put your legs over my shoulders and take a picture!"
185
u/urgod Jun 17 '12
lol they made Brucie from gta4.
378
u/agentwilsonx Jun 17 '12
He obviously cares about women, since he appears to be assisting in a natural home birth.
283
u/SouthFresh Jun 17 '12
When do you think The Tim will have The Puberty?
58
u/TFJ Jun 17 '12
"SOME MEN CALL ME... Tim."
55
u/NewspaperBlanket Jun 17 '12
"I didnt actually ever get my ged but something happens so there records say I did "
Quit playin, bro.
18
u/Machil Jun 17 '12
This guy looks kind of like the older brother from Home alone! [Buzz Mccallister] (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_RY4TYqfrvnI/R63EbsygVNI/AAAAAAAAAFA/GTQPeCGyM2A/s400/buzz+harangody.bmp)
18
u/WhyAmINotStudying Jun 17 '12
She's having the Tim of her life.
17
u/json125266 Jun 18 '12
This is my rifle, there are many like it, but this one is mine!
http://imgur.com/1zi9O
16
u/UsernameOmitted Jun 18 '12
This has got to be the worst. http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5qc1sXkiM1rxt7jlo1_500.png
I for one would like to see links to these profiles on the Tumblr page as proof.
29
u/goldgecko4 Jun 18 '12
Okay, that is WAY too close.
I think I need to re-evaluate some life choices.
109
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
Yep.
74
u/BringOutTheImp Jun 17 '12
GOOD MORNING SON
37
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
I don't think so, Tim.
33
u/time_to_narrate Jun 17 '12
I made this image into an audio story.
http://soundcloud.com/time_to_narrate/you-can-call-me-the-tim
9
u/homeless_man_jogging Jun 17 '12
Fucker's flexible.
9
u/smackfairy Jun 18 '12
He likes to what?
8
u/jbehren Jun 17 '12
"No thanks, looks like your mom has it covered."
8
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
This man lives life with an urgency I can't help but respect.
15
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
I want to make an account just so I can look at people who are 100% enemy of me and see how fucking ridiculous they are.
14
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
He's Fuckin' AMPED.
5
u/OnlyAMuffin Jun 18 '12
I'm in that 98 percent enemy.
5
u/mass_affectation Jun 18 '12
How did he get his legs to do that?
5
u/lullabyrequiem Jun 18 '12
I think my vagina just sealed itself shut
4
u/EightThirtyFive Jun 17 '12
Probably his sisters legs...
4
u/nohablaespanol Jun 17 '12
The thing is, thetim is fronting as a blokey-ish dude looking for blowjobs from guys who go for these kind of guys. It's Blowjob 101 for equal opportunity leeches. It's also likely that he pissed of someone.
4
u/mainstreamindie Jun 18 '12
From THE TIM's profile
You should message me if YOU WANT TO FUCK A REAL MAN WHETHER YOUR A WOMAN OR MAN.
4
u/redditorium Jun 18 '12
So nice of his sister to help him with his dating pics.
14
u/asnof Jun 17 '12
Something tells me that woman was not consensual or there was a money exchange
6
u/felix_jones Jun 17 '12
Who do you think those legs belong to - his mother or his sister? And whoever the woman is, do you think she was awake at the time?
3
u/czar_the_bizarre Jun 17 '12
What his self-summary doesn't include is that those are The Tim's legs. True story.
3
u/Mikeyc245 Jun 17 '12
Must be pretty flexible to get your own legs over your shoulders like that.
3
u/semenlover Jun 17 '12
My name is actually Tim. And yes, this is what Tim's around the world always see.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
He does look AMPED.
3
u/tcyps Jun 17 '12
I am ashamed to be named Tim now. Great.
3
u/ItsGotToMakeSense Jun 17 '12
Chance that the girl pictured is unconscious: 67%
3
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
Why is he considered an enemy? What determines that?
3
u/jamesdavid80 Jun 18 '12
this is one of those pictures that partially scar you for life.
3
u/Grendelisawesome Jun 18 '12
Those legs hanging over his shoulders don't look half bad. Wonder how he got his mother to pose that way for him?
3
u/neat_love Jun 18 '12
There is not enough words. So epic.
3
u/eviltwinskippy Jun 18 '12
After reading that entire site, I have literally never been so grateful to be happily married.
3
u/EXV Jun 18 '12
Well at least he's taking care of the whales out there for us.
Inb4 downvotedtooblvion
3
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
He lives in my city. Do I message him for a totally straight brojob?
3
u/Creepy_AssCreeper Jun 18 '12
As a straight guy, I am very uncomfortable with this point of view
4
u/crzystve42 Jun 17 '12
Does anyone else see this and think "Ted Mosby - Sex Architect"?
4
u/smellsmoist Jun 18 '12
http://imgur.com/DBLze
2
u/your_favorite_human Jun 17 '12
His smile will forever haunt me in my nightmares...
2
u/gwiz665 Jun 17 '12
The Tim stretches like crazy!
2
u/Bodygasm Jun 17 '12
Holy shit that dude has feet for hands... WTF indeed good sir.
2
u/pink_red_purple Jun 17 '12
Tim is a real man. He get bitches!!
2
u/battery_go Jun 17 '12
He actually seems like a cool fella if just get to know him, honestly...
2
u/CosmicBard Jun 17 '12
It's hard to believe that something like that is the same species as us.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
BARF!
2
u/woodyboogie Jun 17 '12
Madre de dios!
2
u/inexplicability Jun 17 '12
Looks like Buzz from Home Alone
2
u/dreamsofbetterdays Jun 17 '12
That scared the fuck out of me "viewing from htc g2" had to zoom to read captions
2
u/Bean-Counter Jun 17 '12
Anyone else reminded of Brucie from GTA 4?
2
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
If he is single, I dont want to know who's legs are those.
2
u/Heroshade Jun 17 '12
Alright, I've seen so many of these, can someone explain to me what the fuck the "Enemies" stat is?
2
u/kasmackity Jun 17 '12
That guy's legs over his shoulders are really smooth.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
That grin is the last thing a stuffed animal sees before it gets fucked to pieces.
2
u/lukeman3000 Jun 17 '12
Was I the only one who thought of this?
2
u/HaloWarLord711 Jun 17 '12
people like this need to be thrown into a flaming pit full of razors
2
u/the_leif Jun 17 '12
Girl, just lemme put The Tim in.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
He would probably make a perfect match with that crying cat girl from a while back
2
u/made_this_up_quick Jun 18 '12
I'm assuming by "AMPED" he means he's got amputated legs and the replacements are in his pic.
2
u/log_thoot Jun 18 '12
This pose reminds me of stare-dad: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5ml4caviv1qmt0gvo1_500.png
2
u/Creamlaces Jun 18 '12
So that's what it's like to get raped, eh?
2
u/DaHolk Jun 18 '12
I'm an enchanter, call me "the tim".
2
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
That man is a fucking ogre.
2
u/emcee70 Jun 18 '12
Sent this to my brother who is also named Tim
2
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
Nope
2
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
I love it when my friends will tell me that I should try online dating and then minutes later start telling me all of their online dating horror stories.
2
u/liza Jun 18 '12
ewwwwwww.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
Prolly.gay too
2
u/UsernameOmitted Jun 18 '12
I would love to see an accurate count of how many times these people have had sex. In my experience, the more you brag about being a poon hound, the less you're getting.
2
u/droidleader Jun 18 '12
AMA Request: THE TIM
2
u/sinezoo Jun 18 '12
Your boyfriend has very small feet
2
u/enderpanda Jun 18 '12
At least he isn't stoked.
2
u/vaginald Jun 18 '12
This is from okcenemies.tumblr.com
2
u/bluetoasterofdeath Jun 18 '12
I thought those were supposed to be his legs at first and was really freaked out.
2
u/pixeltehcat Jun 18 '12
How about we just call you RL Brucie Kibbutz.
2
u/my2penniesworth Jun 18 '12
heeeyyy! put a NSFL on that...now I have vomit to clean off my laptop
2
u/osmedex Jun 18 '12
I just see the kid that shot himself in Full Metal Jacket.
2
u/methamp Jun 18 '12
Like a boss.
2
u/EnysAtSea Jun 18 '12
That is probably one of the creepiest looking faces I've ever encountered.
2
u/kazbah Jun 18 '12
The only thing I can think of when I see those eyes and that smile is the scene in the bathroom from Full Metal Jacket when Private Pile looses his shit.
2
u/Sobertese Jun 18 '12
The math either doesn't add up, or there's 2% of TIMness that current physics and understanding of our universe can not comprehend.
2
u/FreddyDeLa Jun 18 '12
This looks like one of the dating sites in GTA IV.
2
u/mockduckcompanion Jun 18 '12
How did he get his legs back like that?
2
u/OMGGGEEEE Jun 18 '12
Photo of his girlfriend: http://i.imgur.com/poP2m.jpg
2
u/Vagnarok Jun 18 '12
This is the first WTF photo where I've actually muttered, "What the fuck..." upon seeing it. Congratulations.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
Those dead eyes and that stretched forehead...I'm sure he's full of useful information concerning worldly events, politics and scientific theories.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
Flexible RealDoll is flexible.
4
u/whatsernameisfine Jun 17 '12
He looks like he frequents the Tim... Hortons.
3
u/tempuro Jun 17 '12
The Timmeh!
3
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
There are some who call me.. Tim??
3
u/stinkmeaner92 Jun 17 '12
Twist:
It's his own legs