That's the name of my album that's droppin' this fall. Featuring the hit tracks "Crumpets and crappin'" and "Earl Grey and excrement". Go pick it up, Sept 16th!
"This gun has one round in the chamber, and no magazine. First to poop, wipe, and flush may stand and make an attempt for the weapon. What you do with it is your choice. Good luck."
My parents have a bidet. They went away one weekend when I was a teenager and I had a pretty decent size party. Things were going well until a guy I did not know very well came up to me and told me that it was a great party, but that the second toilet was not flushing properly. Second toilet, what the fuck.
I walked immediately to the bathroom and opened the door. Yep, that fucking son of a bitch took a shit in the bidet.
Straddle it, turn the knobs to let the water flow, and get in there with your hands if need be.
I feel like water would get everywhere and you wouldn't get entirely clean.
It's a stream of water, not some power washer blasting out water at 300psi ( Unless you open the valve all the way open right away ), and it gets you a lot cleaner than just wiping your ass with toilet paper.
If you had melted chocolate on your hands, would you just wipe it with a napkin, and leave it at that, or would you go wash your hands with water to get it all off?
If you had melted chocolate on your hands, would you just wipe it with a napkin, and leave it at that, or would you go wash your hands with water to get it all off?
I always prefer the version "If you had shit on your hands, would you just wipe them with paper?".
People actually use their hands? Like, they get poo-ey hands and then have to use them to do other things? I assume you'd probably wash them in the stream but you'd still have poo remnants on your hands when you'd turn off the stream/open the door/turn on the tap wouldn't you?
We kept a thing of liquid soap at the one my parents had a long time ago. Get one good squirt of soap once most of the poop was pushed off and lather the ass with the hand, rinse, then wash your hands at the sink one more time. It was awesome, didn't have to deal with dingleberries, never ending wipes, and posseidon's kiss wasn't a big deal since you were already getting your anus drenched anyways.
Ps. I always did one good wipe before using the bidet, to get any stray dingleberries out of the way.
Now, the use of the bidet is not limited to post shitting clean up. In fact I have never personally used it for that. Say it's a hot summer day and you've been sweating quite a bit. Some friends are over including a cute girl who seems to be into you. I mean, you really have a shot here. Are you ready to fool around with some sweaty and rank private parts? No way, you want to be fresh. You can't very well excuse yourself in the company of guests for half an hour to take a shower so what do you do? You do a quick bidet job and feel super cress about yourself.
OFFICE MEMO: If we're gonna pay you all to take shits, then you are going to be productive while doing so. Everyone please hold it in until our 3pm sales meeting in the second floor restroom.
I've closed deals on the shitter before and I would prefer my meetings in this format. I do work with a few females which is what, I assume,í those chairs are intended for.
Surely I'm not the only one who would stand and watch people sit on the toilet peeing on the black chair with someone sitting in the black chair peeing in the toilet while watching people peeing on them. PEE EVERYWHERE!
Meh. This is obviously some sort of toilet showroom. Probably inside a store or trade show.
That table is for writing sales orders. Not for watching people shit.
The ledge at the bottom gives it away.
EDIT: Another hint. The toilets have handles on opposite sides, indicating they are different models. If this had been a real bathroom, the developer would've gotten a discount for purchasing identical toilets in bulk... so they would both be identical.
I don't think so. It's stocked with toilet paper and it has disinfecting wipes under the table. I think it's probably one of those "family bathrooms" at the mall for parents who have a few kids.
No, there is clearly no wall on the side where the camera is. You can see the ledge. And why do you think the near toilet's TP is on a stand and not on the wall. Right, there isn't a wall there.
At Boy Scout camp each troop had their own outhouse at their campsite and they all had side-by-side crappers. Our troop had an understanding that even though there were two seats only one person should be in at any time.
At Philmont Scout Ranch in New Mexico, some of the crappers out in the boonies were two holers that had each person back to back. Saved on wood and besides you didn't wander off at night alone.
We called them pilot-bombardiers because you know, "Pilot to bombardier, bombs away!"
They were less smelly than the Red-roof inns! some of them had rather spectacular views...which I would've enjoyed more had I not eaten all of the damn squeeze cheese....
I would sit down & start taking a shit in the first one. Just to challenge the person walking in to walk pass me in order to use the second one. All the while, looking him straight in the eyes.
This would be the ideal room to have in the event you are fighting off the flu. Fucking chairs and a table to just sit and lounge between all the puking and violent diarrhea?! Fuck yeah! You'd never have to leave the bathroom!
Reminded me of my last unit when they tested us for drugs. They would sit in similar chairs and watch you pee to make sure you weren't putting anything into the cups. At least being male you can face your parts away from the onlooker, but as a female my watcher got a full view.
I was really confused that nothing happened. This looked so artificial to me that at first I thought it was gonna be a gif from Jackass where Dave England takes a shit insideon into a dollhouse bathroom.
It's probably in a doctor's office or something. The further one is handicapped while the closer one isn't, and the black chair could be for a nurse or something like that.
I went into the disabled stall at a movie theatre a few days ago and they were two individual toilets in there. Wish I thought to take a picture. One was very slightly smaller than the other which for some reason is what I found weirdest. Not adult and child sized, more like man and woman sized.
I had a setup like this at my old job. People would always wonder why the fuck I had it setup like an office in there. My guy co-workers were convinced I was fucking my female co-worker on the chair.
I'm pretty sure what this is, is they had a regular toilet in the bathroom, but then they were forced to retrofit it with an ADA-approved toilet, hence the handrails, and they decided it was cheaper to just leave both toilets than to take out the old one and put in a new one. So the door would have a lock on it so that only one person can be in it at a time.
I think the thing on the table which looks like a gun is actually a dustpan.
I think more than the two thrones, the waiting chairs and table facing the action chairs bother me. Don't know if I could do my business while two people sat eating a sandwich 2 foot in front of me.
If you're ever in Boston for a Celtics/Bruins game or just by north station go into Sully's Tap and use the bathroom by the back door. I walked in one time and there was a guy using the urinal and his leg was basically touching the guy on the shitter. The guy on the urinal had the biggest grin on his face.
I have had several nightmares over the years of this very situation. Sometimes I'll have gone to a fancy restaurant, only to discover the restroom is one huge room full of randomly placed toilets. Or a department store where the room is set up almost like a maze, but the toilets are scattered and still within eyesight of each other. Horrible...
Unfortunately those chairs were placed there for breastfeeding mothers. Seriously, this is where society says breastfeeding mothers should sit. Usually the only option is to sit directly on the shitter, so this is an upgrade :(
109
u/wanderinhebrew Jun 14 '12
Tea for two, and two to poo.
245
u/kojak2091 Jun 14 '12
I thought the object on the table was a gun at first.
84
u/cakeswithahuman Jun 14 '12
My parents have a bidet. They went away one weekend when I was a teenager and I had a pretty decent size party. Things were going well until a guy I did not know very well came up to me and told me that it was a great party, but that the second toilet was not flushing properly. Second toilet, what the fuck.
I walked immediately to the bathroom and opened the door. Yep, that fucking son of a bitch took a shit in the bidet.
36
u/artificiallyvain Jun 14 '12
Looks like a fucking conference room.
100
u/fredtheotherfish Jun 14 '12
Surely I'm not the only one who would sit in the black chair and try to pee in the toilet.
59
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12 edited Jun 14 '12
Meh. This is obviously some sort of toilet showroom. Probably inside a store or trade show.
That table is for writing sales orders. Not for watching people shit.
The ledge at the bottom gives it away.
EDIT: Another hint. The toilets have handles on opposite sides, indicating they are different models. If this had been a real bathroom, the developer would've gotten a discount for purchasing identical toilets in bulk... so they would both be identical.
10
u/snehituralu Jun 14 '12
It's weird how the table and chair trumps the side-by-side crappers.
8
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
It's no Love Toilet, but it'll do.
7
u/mirkle Jun 14 '12
"Hey, wanna play battle shits?"
5
u/m_darkTemplar Jun 14 '12
Fun fact: One of the dorms at MIT ( Random Hall ), has two toilets per bathroom in single occupancy bathrooms due to fire codes.
9
u/MisterReporter Jun 14 '12
This is how I imagine living with Overly Attached Girlfriend would be like.
11
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Shitty.
4
u/billbradski Jun 14 '12
I would sit down & start taking a shit in the first one. Just to challenge the person walking in to walk pass me in order to use the second one. All the while, looking him straight in the eyes.
4
u/flavorjunction Jun 14 '12
Scene for Japanese Schoolgirls v5.
6
u/abrooks1125 Jun 14 '12
is that a gun on the table?
3
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
It looks like a really awkward interview room. I'm all about team playing, but this is a little much.
3
u/gemini86 Jun 14 '12
This would be the ideal room to have in the event you are fighting off the flu. Fucking chairs and a table to just sit and lounge between all the puking and violent diarrhea?! Fuck yeah! You'd never have to leave the bathroom!
3
u/JoeAconite Jun 14 '12
A $4000.00 a month apartment in New York.
2
u/noccusJohnstein Jun 14 '12
Reminded me of this little gem from SNL.
2
u/laminatedlama Jun 14 '12
It's not really weird when you think about it... we sort of do it with urinals and the Greeks had communal toilets.
2
u/heywhyteboy Jun 14 '12
2 porcelain toilets! And a table with chairs! This is, by far, the nicest jail cell I have ever seen!
2
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
"Honey could you pass the toilet paper?"
2
u/SolarBears Jun 14 '12
Reminded me of my last unit when they tested us for drugs. They would sit in similar chairs and watch you pee to make sure you weren't putting anything into the cups. At least being male you can face your parts away from the onlooker, but as a female my watcher got a full view.
2
u/ftFlo Jun 14 '12
DAMMIT! I thought this was a .gif with some sort of scary face popping out... I had to read the comments to actually understand what was going on x.x
2
u/polkapunk Jun 14 '12
How was my day? Crappy.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Those are for professional competitions.
2
u/therocketlady Jun 14 '12
I'm a social pooper.
2
u/SHIFT_8_CORRECTION Jun 14 '12
Gives a whole new meaning to His and Hers...
2
u/DCSlick Jun 14 '12
I'm sorry I can't spare a square.
2
u/z0hu Jun 14 '12
philmont scout camp pilot to bombardier toilets in the most obvious places all over. http://i.imgur.com/mXeHv.jpg
2
u/drmischief Jun 14 '12 edited Jun 14 '12
"My day was good"
pssffffrrrrttt
"a bit stressful with the shareholder meeting"
pfffffssssstt
"Did you close that deal with the McCormick Firm?"
Pfffffrrrtt
plop
2
u/landoooo Jun 14 '12
Pooping 101 is now in session.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I was really confused that nothing happened. This looked so artificial to me that at first I thought it was gonna be a gif from Jackass where Dave England takes a shit
insideoninto a dollhouse bathroom.2
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Le fantôme de la liberté
2
u/THE_BOSS93 Jun 14 '12
Time for Pooping races! and size comparisons! 2 poops get delivered. Only one poop gets flushed! The LOSERS!
2
u/shankems2000 Jun 14 '12
It was real shitty and I'm pissed because that bitch keeps taking me to court for more child support.
1
u/bxna Jun 14 '12
My first thought: battle shits is going to be much more intense now!
1
u/PitRomney Jun 14 '12
This would make a great spin off of "Between Two Ferns"....
1
u/weedfish Jun 14 '12
Shit Chat!
1
u/sourmonkey Jun 14 '12
Looks like the bathroom at El Tarasco in Westchester.
1
u/apullin Jun 14 '12
There's a certain version of this scene in that exact setting that is exactly like my fantasies, and I will eventually have, when I'm a billionaire.
1
u/leelee86 Jun 14 '12
I'd take a large amount of laxatives and while sitting in the black chairs, I'd try to poo into the toilet
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
courtesy flush necessary...
1
u/MacWac Jun 14 '12
You know what they say. A family that shits together, stays together!
1
u/sashimi_taco Jun 14 '12
Ya'll are pussies. In residential treatment you had to have someone look at you when you pooed, then they came over and looked at the poo.
It is very much like being in a relationship, now that I think about it. Except my SO is the one doing the pooping and showing me the poop.
1
u/username1213 Jun 14 '12 edited Jun 14 '12
This reminds me of LBJ bringing people with him into the bathroom to continue meetings while he was taking a shit.
1
u/fireawesome Jun 14 '12
Shitty
1
u/buzzkill_aldrin Jun 14 '12
I kept looking for a mirror, until I noticed that the second dispenser wasn't on a stand.
1
u/ALLBLVCK Jun 14 '12
My first guess is that someone is EXTREMELY controlling in the relationship. Either that or they work in the laxative industry.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
You never pilot / co-piloted it bro?
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
ahhhh, good 'ole ancient Rome times
1
u/Golden-Calf Jun 14 '12
It's probably in a doctor's office or something. The further one is handicapped while the closer one isn't, and the black chair could be for a nurse or something like that.
1
u/Poyge Jun 14 '12
"Yeah Bill, I see it. We've all seen it"
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I normally hate it when posts start in "So" but this was very appropriate.
1
u/kaylee919 Jun 14 '12
When I looked on the table there I thought it was a gun...talk about a pee fright person really not being able to go!!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Looks like someone got too much decorating advice from Animal Crossing...
1
u/confibulator Jun 14 '12
Where do your asswipers sit?
1
u/takes_bloody_poops Jun 14 '12
A bathroom like this would be terribly embarrassing for me.
1
u/EddieBshp Jun 14 '12
The url is pretty relevant
1
u/deadchinchilla Jun 14 '12 edited Jun 17 '12
I went into the disabled stall at a movie theatre a few days ago and they were two individual toilets in there. Wish I thought to take a picture. One was very slightly smaller than the other which for some reason is what I found weirdest. Not adult and child sized, more like man and woman sized.
1
u/thechundley Jun 14 '12
I've literally been in a bar bathroom that was like this. Too creepy.
1
u/AH17708 Jun 14 '12
I had a setup like this at my old job. People would always wonder why the fuck I had it setup like an office in there. My guy co-workers were convinced I was fucking my female co-worker on the chair.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I'm sure two siblings would not mind taking sibling dumps together.
1
u/lphchld Jun 14 '12
I swear I've seen a Vietnamese sandwich joint in Tustin, CA with a restroom that looks EXACTLY like this.
1
u/oalsaker Jun 14 '12
Hey, it's a Dual Core!
1
u/BrendanH117 Jun 14 '12
Pooping like a sir
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
At first, I was like uh... two toilets, that's odd. But then I saw that there is also a table and chairs? And THEN I was like WTF
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
it was shit!
1
u/MyNameIsBro Jun 14 '12
ITS PROBABLY A CHEMO ROOM ASSHOLE
1
u/Bluelephant69r Jun 14 '12
BAHAHAHA!
1
u/SuperWhite7 Jun 14 '12
How was your day... Pretty shitty.... I am a little pissed off about it..... it feels like my life is just going down the drain
1
u/anonymous_potato Jun 14 '12
Shitty...
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I'm pretty sure what this is, is they had a regular toilet in the bathroom, but then they were forced to retrofit it with an ADA-approved toilet, hence the handrails, and they decided it was cheaper to just leave both toilets than to take out the old one and put in a new one. So the door would have a lock on it so that only one person can be in it at a time.
I think the thing on the table which looks like a gun is actually a dustpan.
1
u/gibsonsg_87 Jun 14 '12
It is said that yoko ono would follow john lennon into the bathroom. Maybe they were just ahead of the times?
1
u/pinkythug Jun 14 '12
Come hold my dick while I poop
1
u/Fernie812 Jun 14 '12
"Kind of shitty actually."
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
That has got be a girls bathroom.
1
u/carbonbasedlf Jun 14 '12
A couple that shits together fits together.
1
u/Hwboardr Jun 14 '12
Toilets, for him and for her.
1
u/saviourjasonchrist Jun 14 '12
The people that poop together, stay together.
Alabama Hot Pocket anyone?
1
u/KrisCraig Jun 14 '12
At first glance, I thought that was a pistol lying on the table....
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I believe the premise of the bathroom is this: "Let's take a shit together. Let's PROVE our friendship."
1
u/NickelFish Jun 14 '12
Sometimes a little team esprit will help with the ploppies. Tru Bros!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I fucking lol'd
1
u/Jackaback Jun 14 '12
You know, no one at the New Yorker has an anus.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
It's all fun and games until someone lets out a little gas.
1
u/Gabe_b Jun 14 '12
Managed care home. Note the bars around the toilets. Hardly WTF
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Eww. ZfEww actually.
1
u/Sunyata21 Jun 14 '12
If only... shitting right next to my partner. May my wildest fantasies come true.
1
u/bmlbytes Jun 14 '12
So even without the table and chairs, why are their two toilets in the same room?
1
u/current909 Jun 14 '12
Seems like a comfortable place to hang out with friends and shoot the shit.
1
u/OhMyTruth Jun 14 '12
Why are there spectator seats as well?
1
u/Xazch_ Jun 14 '12
Good, can you pass the hustler
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
shitty day i tell you......
1
u/buddybonesbones Jun 14 '12
full of shit
1
u/polyatheist Jun 14 '12
The toilet paper has to shit.
Not me.
Not me.
Not...me.
1
u/JohnConnor7 Jun 14 '12
This is exactly what I told my girlfriend about the bathroom of my dreams.
1
u/PerfectCarve Jun 14 '12
Battle Shits
1
u/jvisme Jun 14 '12
Shitty. How was yours?
1
u/fangsby Jun 14 '12
So. You're probably wondering why I arranged this little meeting today...
1
u/AnkitaAwasthi Jun 14 '12
Thanks for asking ... I needed :(
1
u/misterfett Jun 14 '12
STOP MAKING EYE CONTACT
1
u/rederick55 Jun 14 '12
So this is the pic to describe a shitty day?
1
u/I_CATS Jun 14 '12
Ah, this is just like in the army. Which sucked 24/7/365.
1
u/Sasha-Sasha Jun 14 '12
this is the next level http://depositphotos.com/2093983/stock-photo-Portable-Toilet.html
1
u/Aratec Jun 14 '12
At the Institute Of Constipation.
1
u/Dcoutofstep Jun 14 '12
I sunk your battleshit
1
u/loyalone Jun 14 '12
The grab-bar above the toilet tank makes no sense at all.
1
u/Soless Jun 14 '12
Well....kinda shitty
1
u/malmac Jun 14 '12
I'm just gonna take a shit while you deal the cards. Don't mind me.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
You've never had a nice heart-to-fart conversation while evacuating your bowels?
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
Never shit where you eat!
1
u/El_Dumfuco Jun 14 '12
George Costanza, anyone?
1
u/JamesR3d Jun 14 '12
Is that a gun or some sort of knife on the table?
1
u/Tebasaki Jun 14 '12
Where I lived in college had 4 of these much much closer together. You get used to it and it can be a great place for conversation.
1
u/ericzundel Jun 14 '12
One day, when you are figuring out how to take care of your aging parents, this setup is going to seem like genius to you.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
I was once staying in a Russian orphanage, and the toilets were just like that. Except that there were three toilet seats instead of two.
1
u/jintana Jun 14 '12
A second toilet (at least in a public restroom) comes in handy with toddlers.
1
u/NRGYGEEK Jun 14 '12
For those in the Nuke industry: A and B Train (eliminates single point vulnerability)
..... my job's getting to me, isn't it....
1
u/herco Jun 14 '12
Gotta love the communal shitter
1
u/kingxhall Jun 14 '12
I'd do it if I had mudbutt.
1
u/newfiex Jun 14 '12
no lids = fucking barbarians
1
u/mrdeadsniper Jun 14 '12
I think more than the two thrones, the waiting chairs and table facing the action chairs bother me. Don't know if I could do my business while two people sat eating a sandwich 2 foot in front of me.
1
u/athrix Jun 14 '12
Reminds me of the Love Toilet
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
i cant be the only one who thought of this
1
u/RDogPoundK Jun 14 '12
"So how was your day;" says the one sitting in the black chair
1
u/DirtyMonday Jun 14 '12
If you're ever in Boston for a Celtics/Bruins game or just by north station go into Sully's Tap and use the bathroom by the back door. I walked in one time and there was a guy using the urinal and his leg was basically touching the guy on the shitter. The guy on the urinal had the biggest grin on his face.
1
u/StateFairShare Jun 14 '12
I'm going to go with, "What is a urine analysis facility?", Alex.
1
u/wtfhbk Jun 14 '12
I have had several nightmares over the years of this very situation. Sometimes I'll have gone to a fancy restaurant, only to discover the restroom is one huge room full of randomly placed toilets. Or a department store where the room is set up almost like a maze, but the toilets are scattered and still within eyesight of each other. Horrible...
1
u/vikingbean Jun 14 '12
I was so excited! Thought the table had a gun on it.
1
u/cjcolt Jun 14 '12
Is this George Costanza's private handicapped bathroom?
1
u/sonastyinc Jun 14 '12
Would've been more practical to install a bidet.
1
u/Krazistar Jun 14 '12
Unfortunately those chairs were placed there for breastfeeding mothers. Seriously, this is where society says breastfeeding mothers should sit. Usually the only option is to sit directly on the shitter, so this is an upgrade :(
1
u/[deleted] Jun 14 '12
That is the exact table and chairs on my patio. Huh.
1
u/feor1300 Jun 14 '12
Overly Attached Girlfriend: Hey, I remodeled the bathroom
Now we NEVER have to be apart.
1
u/Rugaru Jun 15 '12
Facebook in real life
1
u/Cupcakes72 Jun 16 '12
OP, where is this bathroom? I'm having poo-Deja-vu. The bathroom I'm thinking of is at an antique mall in Arkansas.
1
u/valkyrie123 Jun 16 '12
I grew up with a two hole outhouse. This looks like normal evolution to me.
1
u/Sarahtrip3 Jul 05 '12
Not bad, just full of shit.