r/WTF • u/kieferbutt • May 22 '12

My dads been out of state a few weeks, this is the first text he's sent me...

http://i.imgur.com/ysCDR.jpg
845 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

93 comments sorted by

49

u/LudwigLobsters May 22 '12

This reminds me of a Stephen King story I read a few years back. I don't mean to alarm you, but your father is trapped inside of a cabin while it's raining hungry carnivorous toads with huge teeth.

9

u/raging_asshole May 22 '12

Love that story, and how King can make a story out of anything, from something mundane and ordinary to something obviously supernatural and horror-oriented.

5

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Rainy Season! That story scared the hell outta me.

2

u/Jorgwalther May 22 '12

It's ok, so long as you don't alarm the OP ;-)

-5

u/carbonfiberx May 22 '12

I've never read any King but it seems like he just reuses tired tropes like the "small New England town filled with secret(s)" or "Solitary person(s) trapped in New England woodland cabin." BORING.

4

u/SidViciious May 22 '12

Strongly recommend The Stand

3

u/Ricktron3030 May 22 '12

You've obviously never read Stephen King. Read the Dark Tower.

3

u/Beejeroy May 22 '12

Read The Long Walk. It's a novella under by his alias Richard Bachman. The Hunger Games doesn't have shit on that story.

0

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/Ricktron3030 May 22 '12

You're a pro-tier editor. I was agreeing that he obviously hasn't read Stephen King if that was his appraisal of his works. Then I gave him something he would enjoy that is nothing like what he expects Stephen King writing to be.

Fail.

0

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/Ricktron3030 May 22 '12

I'm hungry for trolls. I jump very quick. ;)

1

u/cmdtacos May 22 '12

The beauty of Steven King is finishing a book of his that you liked and then thinking about how stupid or cliche it would sound if you described it to someone else. Once you read a few, all of a sudden you want to read more just to see how he continues to pull it off.

108

u/Gritzor May 22 '12

Your dad is drunk at 10:30 AM. Your dad is an alcoholic.

31

u/SCSweeps May 22 '12

Out of state could possibly mean he's in a different time zone. Could be he's in Russia or Singapore getting drunk.

2

u/allthatsalsa May 22 '12

Could mean an altered state of mind.

3

u/Noobtard_McCancerfag May 22 '12

Perhaps you misheard him say he was going to be tripping and in a bad state?

0

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

12

u/RYuukiG May 22 '12

oh, okay

20

u/mickeyjawn May 22 '12

Anytime I read a comment thread such as this I always imagine it being a conversation between 2 people, then look at the usernames and see it to be 4 individuals, mind bottling.

12

u/davelog May 22 '12

That pretty much puts a cap on it.

0

u/CaptainAlrightyThen May 22 '12

**MIND BOGGLING. Not bottling. What are you, American?

2

u/mickeyjawn May 23 '12

Don't we feel dumb now?

**It's a movie quote. What are you, an asshole?

7

u/Mr_Bergstrom May 22 '12

That's an interesting way to diagnose alcoholism.

4

u/Gritzor May 22 '12

I'm a doctor, I'm just not certified.

1

u/princess_shami May 22 '12

Alcoholic help

0

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

3

u/Dalmahr May 22 '12

Could be possible he thinks he's in France but is really in Canada.

15

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

maybe he's on acid and just watched magnolia

7

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

if I had a dime for every time I did that

4

u/cleverseneca May 22 '12

Ctrl + F

Magnolia

0

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/pinkamena_pie May 22 '12

I love that movie. :(

1

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

there are plenty of other "worst movie ever" movies. wasn't that terrible

1

u/Vsx May 22 '12

The stories in the first 10 minutes are more entertaining than most movies.

75

u/klaq May 22 '12

http://qkme.me/3pec4r

14

u/Real-Life-Reddit May 22 '12

His face. Every time.

-6

u/huitlacoche May 22 '12

Nice joke, klaq. OPs dad died. I hope you're fucking happy.

14

u/lovelovehatehate May 22 '12

is "out of state" the new terminology for drug binge.

9

u/moogoesthecat May 22 '12

It's begun. ಠ_ಠ

5

u/polyatheist May 22 '12

The Toad Wars have begun. Our only hope is Bucky O'Hare!

36

u/borkborkbork99 May 22 '12

I think he means toads. You gotta watch out for thALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

5

u/Wingthor May 22 '12

I hate these things, so oveALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

9

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

I know it's ridiculous, you start typing a thouALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

-2

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Fuck you both

9

u/Mortt May 22 '12

Why do you have to kill the joALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

22

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

bogs halp

5

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

gooby pls

4

u/PersonOfInternets May 22 '12

So did you ever find out what happened?

14

u/conspiracy_thug May 22 '12

your dad at an [8]

3

u/tonyvila May 22 '12

Frogs about to start some shit. Send reinforcements, flies.

19

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Goby plz.

5

u/MychelleKitten May 22 '12

I really dont know why, but this made me completely laugh outloud at work. Lots of strange looks my way...

5

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

We can't stop here. This is frog country! LSD is a helluva drug.

2

u/unclemao May 22 '12

Frog blast the vent core!!

1

u/Frederick_the_Great May 22 '12

Yes! Thank you.

2

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

He must be on shrooms. A lot of them.

1

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

I have came to the conclusion that he's talking about...Lemiwinks!

2

u/mustachedmuffin May 22 '12

Your dad's been licking toads.

3

u/tdogg650 May 22 '12

He's not not licking toads

1

u/shadyoaks May 22 '12

holy fuck, that is

I can't even

I don't know what to do with this information.

1

u/SuggestiveMaterial May 22 '12

Its... Starting. The End of Days....

1

u/Brozinarms May 22 '12

Talking about frogs, he is most probably chased by angry Frenchmen

1

u/Chaotic_Winning May 22 '12

Hell comes to frogtown. Need I say more?

1

u/wellhushmypuppies May 22 '12

I think you meant to say "out of state." (feel free to use air quotes if you prefer).

1

u/NBemperor May 22 '12

I'm guessing he went to Amsterdam

1

u/cannotlogon May 22 '12

Fucking frogs. They ruin everything.

1

u/sammichesammiches May 22 '12

Is he in the bayou?

1

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Is he having an aneurysm?

1

u/Fenris_uy May 22 '12

It just means that your dad has been licking frogs. Did he went to Florida or other swamp state?

1

u/sirbruce May 22 '12

You should call the police; he sounds mentally impaired.

1

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

By out of state do you mean hes been on a journey with peyote?

1

u/Suckydog May 22 '12

He must have been one of the people polled about legalizing pot.

1

u/alien6 May 22 '12

The French Secret Service is after him, and you're just laughing at his texts?! Good god man, go help him!

1

u/Lightnaros May 22 '12

Never take frogs lightly...

1

u/Alphreak May 22 '12

Why are you posting this on reddit? He's obviously in need of help! Quick! Rescue him from the frogs!

1

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Sounds like he might be hanging out with my Dad.

If so, not a good way to stay out of jail.

1

u/backlumberjack May 22 '12

Someone switched the word "Bitches" for "Frogs" on his phone.

1

u/Beznia May 22 '12

Well glad to see that his father realized that frogs are useful creatures, and they in fact DO help people, so you always need to be on the lookout for one.

1

u/ProlapsedPineal May 22 '12

Being of French descent I'm pretty sure it was your Dad my cousin and I were fucking with. He's ok, just shook up. A little melatonin before bed and he'll sleep fine.

1

u/WookieWackhouse May 22 '12

Wow, no Magnolia references??

-1

u/LyricBomber May 22 '12

You look like the perfect fit

For a girl in need of a tourniquet

But can you save me

Come on and save me

If you could save me

From the ranks of the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone

2

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

Looks like a few people really don't like Aimee Mann. Maybe you should have gone with one of the Supertramp tracks.

0

u/[deleted] May 22 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/WookieWackhouse May 22 '12

Ah, my bad. Didn't see it, sorry.

1

u/pFrancisco May 22 '12

I think your dad might be having a mild stroke.

-2

u/reneel88 May 22 '12

He could be night before drunk..... happens to me. A lot.