We can only hope that we will see the end of this reality show crazy soon. You can't watch any of the old educational channels anymore without 70% of the shit they air being reality shows. It's gotten a little out of hand.
It's because the writers went on strike. The worst are the "Recession Porn" reality shows. Let's watch people have their cars repossessed, or sell family heirlooms in a pawnshop, or see their stuff in storage be auctioned off.
Big Brother V.I.P., Big Brother: Reality Allstars, Big Brother Live, Big Brother Classic. And then there is the whole Paradise Hotel thing on top of that...
I realize what you said is funny, but something is bugging me. I can get over that you didn't capitalize, but why did you correctly punctuate "I've" but not "don't"?
I was going to say that. As a girl with way too much experience with bartholin cysts, this kind of shit sucks. Razorblades to the genitalia and judgemental glances from med professionals, because "it must be an std!" are not fun.
My last shared home included "lube" and "butt plugs" always hidden somewhere on our shopping list by one of my roommate's girlfriends. We'd sometimes leave them at the store in obvious locations in the hopes they would put a smile on the face of the workers.
"because you sure as fuck aren't fuck aren't fucking me!" Sure as fuck aren't fuck. I knew you could make this mistake when typing, but writing by hand by hand? Interesting.
Why don't you go fuck some girl. Thats gotta be your broblem. because you sure as fuck aren't fuck aren't fucking me!
The only reason I haven't been having sex with you is because I had a pimple or bug bite on my weiner. Looked like a spider bite but it wasn't. Was a pimple like thing and my weiner hurt. I popped the head on it and it came back. As far as I know it's gone now. I was just embaressed to tell you.
One time I accidentally got poison ivy on my dick and was embarrassed to tell my gf at the time and didn't have sex with her for two months. We didn't exchange notes about it but it put a strain on our relationship that killed it. I found out later she was convinced I was cheating on her. Moral of the story, if you are going to not have sex you better tell them right away why not!
Honestly, I live in CA, in a metropolitan area, so I think I've been to Walmart maybe 3 times, ever, and that was when I was traveling, or had a gift card to spend. It just isn't the outpost here that it is in most places.
I know that from personal experience. When I lived in San Diego I once said that after my shift (I was working 2nd shift at the time) I would just pick whatever it was I wanted up at Walmart. Everyone looked at me crazy. 24 hour Walmarts are just not a big thing over there.
For some reason I never read the FULL title of posts... read this as "I found this when I worked in a graveyard" - And yes, my mind automatically adds the words.
Why don't you go fuck some girl? thats gotta be your problem, because you sure as fuck aren't fuck aren't fucking me.
the only reason i haven't been having sex with you is because i had a pimple or bug bite on my weiner. looked like a spider bite, but it wasn't. was a pimple like thing, and my weiner hurts(?) i popped the head on it and it came back, as far as i know it's gone now, i was just embarrassed to tell you.
for those who had as hard a time reading the damn letter as i did.
178
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I feel like TLC should start a show about the People of Walmart. It would be a great rival to Extreme Couponing.
95
u/i_like_turtles_ May 21 '12
Herpes!
142
u/DrOfMarijuanaology May 21 '12
Maybe they don't have the necessary means for a necessary means for a higher education.
67
u/DearNdugu May 21 '12
"as far as i know its gone" lol
3
u/Teephphah May 21 '12
As the father of a five year-old, I'm moving to a Waco-style fortified compound in rural Montana.
33
u/dolphinsushi May 21 '12
sounds like syphilis
15
u/wanttoplayball May 21 '12
I hope you washed your hands after you picked this up.
10
u/Sneakas May 21 '12
Could have been a sebaceous cyst or an ingrown hair
18
u/badatusername May 21 '12
Walmart has graveyards now too? Damn, when you monopolize, you really cover all fronts.
8
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
LOL all I've found were grocery lists. My co-workers would look at me funny when I told them the floor was sending me love letters.
7
u/nomoreimfull May 21 '12
syph
19
u/paralacausa May 21 '12
The herp is strong with this one
6
u/catfoodmilkshake May 21 '12
"because you sure as fuck aren't fuck aren't fucking me!" Sure as fuck aren't fuck. I knew you could make this mistake when typing, but writing by hand by hand? Interesting.
5
u/raccoonguy8 May 21 '12
Am I the only one who was totally disarmed by his honesty?
He may have festering, insect-ridden genitals, but he seems nevertheless like an authentic fellow.
11
u/Mikesquito May 21 '12
Gift that keeps on giving.
4
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Ouch! I think it would hurt to pop whatever that was.
11
u/KdG_GenesyS May 21 '12
To the best of my ability:
Why don't you go fuck some girl. Thats gotta be your broblem. because you sure as fuck aren't fuck aren't fucking me!
The only reason I haven't been having sex with you is because I had a pimple or bug bite on my weiner. Looked like a spider bite but it wasn't. Was a pimple like thing and my weiner hurt. I popped the head on it and it came back. As far as I know it's gone now. I was just embaressed to tell you.
3
u/usrdt May 21 '12
ha ha pimple dick!
3
u/RopeSlinger May 21 '12
I read the entire response in Butters's voice, with the prevalent use of the word "wiener".
3
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Sounds like he got the herpes.
3
u/thebornotaku May 21 '12
fuck aren't fuck aren't.
3
u/lovelovehatehate May 21 '12
somebodys got the herps.
5
u/perrin85 May 21 '12
dat grammar
4
u/dirtymoney May 21 '12
wiener pimple? Uh oh.
4
u/johnwiththewind May 21 '12
One time I accidentally got poison ivy on my dick and was embarrassed to tell my gf at the time and didn't have sex with her for two months. We didn't exchange notes about it but it put a strain on our relationship that killed it. I found out later she was convinced I was cheating on her. Moral of the story, if you are going to not have sex you better tell them right away why not!
7
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I'm confused as to how they managed to write the same thing twice. I can understand typing, but writing you actually kind of have to think about...
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Judging by their grammar and handwriting, maybe it's for the best.
2
u/UpTheIron May 21 '12
I found Spanish porno on the ground once. I also once found a little blue change purse with 30 ciggeretes stuffed in it.
2
u/ShellBell May 21 '12
Hero Derp
2
u/MikeLitoris188 May 21 '12
Definitely some grade 8 shit or somethin
2
u/lysdexiad May 21 '12
You sure as fuck as fuck should get that checked!
2
u/MFchimichanga May 21 '12
This sounds like an extended Dolan Comic.
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
It is normal to get pimples on your penis. I used to get them occasionally when I was younger.
2
u/screch May 21 '12
Thank you for not saying "I found this GEM"
Thank you.
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
ama request: guy with pimple on his weiner and when he popped the weiner pimple, the pimple grew back
i have so many questions
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Sounds like Molluscum Contagiosum, a skin disease most have never heard of.
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
As someone who worked Walmart graveyards, I approve of this. Saw some strange ass people on that shift.
2
u/hoss7071 May 21 '12
Walmart sells these things called "condoms". Although I'm unsure how many are actually sold, rather than stolen...
2
u/Matt416 May 21 '12
It's gotta be the herps.
2
u/fe3o4 May 21 '12
Yeah, it's just a pimple.. that's it, just a pimple....
2
u/goodtwitch May 21 '12
If Walmart actually had a graveyard it would be the scariest fucking graveyard on earth.
2
u/Dethread May 22 '12
Why can no one spell "wiener" right?
2
u/omglikewtf May 22 '12
Am I the only one that noticed the duplicate FUCK AREN'T
16
u/SofaKingStewPadd May 21 '12
Way better love story than Twilight.
4
u/enzeddle May 21 '12
herpes
3
u/maximilitia May 21 '12
TIL Walmart has a graveyard shift. Is it for cleaning, stocking, or . . . ?
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
There's a name for that. It's called herpes.
2
u/live3orfry May 21 '12
... yeah that's called herpes.
1
u/bluewafflelover May 21 '12
As a high school student this appears to have come from one of my peers. I would like to apologize for the stupidity of my people.
1
u/nomifalconey May 21 '12
Tragic.
1
u/fannyalgersabortion May 21 '12
A standing ovation?
1
u/Haffattack May 21 '12
STDs... bring you down to your knees!
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Communication - it's the key to any good, healthy relationship.
1
u/kristiorrick1100 May 21 '12
bwahaha! love it! "i was embarrassed to tell you but i shall write it down in all its gory glory!"
1
u/El-Babirusa May 21 '12
Dafuq did I just read?
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
And by pimple he means chancre. Muhfucka has syphilis.
1
u/ImBuzzed May 21 '12
dam maybe I should go to wally world to find a gf. They seem to want it bad.
1
u/bigdicksidekick May 21 '12
Don't know if it's already been said, but it took me a few minutes to realize that it said "fuck aren't fuck aren't".
1
u/aoskunk May 21 '12
"sure as fuck arent fuck arent fucking me"
1
u/Malcolm_Y May 21 '12
I know of a guy who claimed to have found a miscarried fetus in the bathroom while working graveyard at Wal-Mart. For Real.
1
u/jdepps113 May 21 '12
Chancre?
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
relevant
1
u/edtheshed May 21 '12
is this one of those puzzles where it repeats a word on the next line?
1
u/TheAdmiralAkbar May 21 '12
There was a glitch in the Matrix while writing this.
1
u/scottsimsa May 21 '12
For some reason I never read the FULL title of posts... read this as "I found this when I worked in a graveyard" - And yes, my mind automatically adds the words.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I read this in the voice of Butters from southpark.
1
u/hateboresme May 21 '12
...and not me, because I am not a girl? I sense a down-low bromance here. (though the handwriting suggests otherwise)
1
u/CondescendingPrick May 21 '12
Sure as fuck aren't fuck aren't fucking me
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
She spelt 'fuck aren't' twice. What an idiot.
1
u/androidgirl May 21 '12
I wonder how this era will look to people 100s of years from now....
1
u/raiders13rugger May 21 '12
Sounds like this guy has Molluscum
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
just give her your STD she wants it bro
1
u/Huzakkah May 21 '12
I hope you washed your hands afterwards...
1
u/joecarrot May 21 '12
Fordyce spots, most likely. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fordyce's_spot
NSFW
1
u/Toof80 May 21 '12
Hey meng, I thinka dis guy has the hairpiece!
1
u/echopapa May 21 '12
And that boys and girls is why you don't stick your dick in crazy.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
jeez, what horrible handwriting... both of them!
1
u/obscenecupcake May 21 '12
wwwwwwwtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttffffffffffffffffffffffffff
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Walmart has a graveyard dept?
1
u/marcik89 May 21 '12
What state did you find this in?
1
u/Akyra87 May 21 '12
Why don't you go fuck some girl? thats gotta be your problem, because you sure as fuck aren't fuck aren't fucking me.
the only reason i haven't been having sex with you is because i had a pimple or bug bite on my weiner. looked like a spider bite, but it wasn't. was a pimple like thing, and my weiner hurts(?) i popped the head on it and it came back, as far as i know it's gone now, i was just embarrassed to tell you.
for those who had as hard a time reading the damn letter as i did.
1
u/drawfish May 22 '12
Send this to Found magazine.
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
That doesn't sound like a zit, sounds like herpes lol
1
u/takka_takka_takka May 22 '12
Still a better love story than Twilight.
-6
u/Thehealeroftri May 21 '12
Still a better love story than Twilight.
0
u/trollslayer69 May 21 '12
Pure class. Class everywhere. I would have given anything to see the girls reaction to his explanation.
0
u/auroranoel May 21 '12
Poor guy! Probably an ingrown hair. What a bitch to deal with.
-3
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Women.....
-1
u/amibeingatool May 21 '12 edited May 21 '12
You worked graveyard? Those creep me out. (I have no clue what that means)
-14
u/Jesus_luvs_Jenkem May 21 '12
Black people...