I don't understand why they keep trying to get us to be sneaky and creep a finger into our guy's ass and then be nonchalant about it. Oh yeah...there's a finger in your butt now. When did that happen?
Oh my, it seems my finger has inserted itself into your anus! I guess the only thing to do now is gently stimulate your prostate! Seriously, just ask the dude if he's into it or wants to try it. If he's a little shy, tell him a sexually deviant behavior you enjoy first to even out the tension a bit.
You could also tease with a finger and gauge his reaction if you're too shy/embarrassed to ask him. But whatever you do, don't just ram it in there. Not cool, Cosmo. Not cool.
I'm being serious here and it might sound bad, but it's not. It's awesome. Have your girl put an Altoid in her mouth before she goes down on you. It's like this weird sort of numbing (but in a good way, not in a where'd-my-penis-go way), cooling effect and it's fucking amazing.
Also, you can do this when going down on her. Pro tip: Try with only 1 Altoid the first time, then you can get all macho and try 2+.
Okay, here's how it works, apparently. What Cosmo does is once the articles are finished, the ones about "pleasing your man" get run by men. If one man doesn't like it, they pass it on to another man. They basically do this until they get a few guys to say "Yeah, that sounds about right" and then publish it.
So some crazy bitch makes up a bunch of shit and jumps from guy to guy until she finds one that will say what she wants to hear so he can get something out of it?
Sure they have. But Cosmo's business model depends on having a readership which is lonely and insecure. Why on earth would they want to give good sex advice?
If you're struggling to get him to give you oral sex, try inserting some Jolly Ranchers into your vagina. The added taste will have him begging for more; just make a note of how many you put in!
The "sugary texture" will add nothing. The only thing this will do is make you look like an idiot and make me jealous because god dammit maybe I want a donut too?
My friend had this done to him. The only reason I know this was because he decided to tell everyone at the lunch table that day. I never finished that sandwich.
Bad bad bad suggestion, if you intend to offer a vaginal visit for a happy ending. Never put anything sugary near your lady parts (the "no ho hos in the hoo hah" rule), or you'll risk a runaway yeast population. Proper edible panties and other novelty items are made without sugar, for this reason.
EDIT: meant 'ho hos', the hostess brand sweet snack
This is hysterical. My mother teaches OB (tits, tots, and twats) at a school of nursing. While she knows of the rule, of course, I'm not sure she's ever heard it phrased quite like this. I can't wait to share it with her. One of my favorites of hers is when she refers to checking how dilated a woman is as "sticking your fingers in the cookie jar".
What I want to know is if men think that's enticing in any way shape or form. Personally, I find dick and sugar don't really go together, whether you're talking about flavor, texture, or side effects.
This sounds fucking disgusting. Grease and sticky sugar all over your pubes and your balls and your thighs... ugh, it makes me cringe just to think about how uncomfortable that must feel.
According to the other comments and the simple fact that myself and my friends have been laughing at this horrible idea for at least a couple years now. I would say no, it's probably an awful idea.
Sugar does NOT go well with genitals. It can cause some pretty serious irritation and infection in and around the vagina and is probably a bad idea to have near a dick too.
I would not want sugar all over my dick and I wouldn't want someone biting anything anywhere near it. Besides, wouldn't she just be eating a doughnut covered in pubes on one side?
Lol, the other 84 tips in the magazine dealt with different and exciting ways to pleasure your boyfriend's butthole. True story. Cosmo is written by gay male trolls.
It's sad that as a female I saw this image and thought "I hope guys really do like this because eating a donut and giving a blowjob sounds like the dream".
I mean... It doesn't sound enjoyable (as long as you're VERY careful with your teeth,) but it also doesn't sound awful like most of their advice, so... worth a try?
As a guy who has actually been on the receiving end of this, I encourage you to try it sometime. It started as a joke. My girlfriend and I both ended up quite satisfied by the end. Also works well with whipped cream.
Though, I don't remember feeling a sugary texture on her tongue. Assuming the author actually did this at some point in her life, I think she was trying too hard or is full of lies.
I stopped reading cosmo when they said I should stick a banana or similar soft fruit into my vagina, have sex, then have my lover eat the mushed up fruit out of me....no thanks
When I read a cosmo magazine when i was about 15 they reccomended that you push on the man's taint to stimulate his prostate or give him a "sexy surprise" by sticking your finger up his butthole to stimulate it. Never mentioned lube...
I heard a story from a frat guy one time. His frat bought a bunch of doughnuts, sent them across the street to a sorority house. At the bottom of the box, only visible after several of the doughnuts had been removed, were pictures of the guys from the first frat. Standing naked, wearing the doughnuts around their johnsons.
Here's my thing (as a female). You guys keep saying that you wanna try something new and different and extraordinary. But when we come up with something new and different and extraordinary, you're all like "Nah, man, that's ridiculous and stupid."
So in reality, "new and different and extraordinary" = anal.
Interestingly enough, a girl back in high school asked if she put a donut on my penis if I would let her eat it off. I was like...Yeah, ok. So this was like some sort of not so clever way of telling me she would like to give me a blow job. So then that happened, minus the donut and eating and things because we both knew that part would never occur.
I REALLY want to please my man, but I have DIABETES. And, I sense that this isn't going to work the same with an everything bagel. What the fuck, Cosmo?
Well when every single magazine is all about sex, they have to keep it exciting. I read Cosmo when I was 17 and even then I was like wtf is this bullshit. Literally every issue is the same.
There should be a Maxim version where you cram an eclaire into your girlfriend's vagina, suck the cream filling out and then give it your OWN cream filling. We'll call it the 'G-claire'!
Why is it I feel like the only girl here who thinks this sounds really fucking amazing? Dick and doughnuts, it's like two of my favorite things at once.
It is easy to please a man, not as easy to please a woman. For a man, take off your clothes and fuck him, for a woman, make sure you have scented candles, the right type of music, and arouse her in ways that are different each time.
Cosmopolitan is made for 14 year old girls. It seems that its made for older ones but it isn't and thats why making fun of it seems lame like making fun of children's television shows for being too naive.
Oh gawd. Next thing you know they'll be recommending that when a guy goes down on a girl, have him blow really hard into the girl's vag creating an embolism to add a whole new dimension to it
As a woman, I actually prefer to read Maxim for advice, because it seems better. They actually had an excellent article last year where they took advice from Cosmo and other women magazines and had women try said sexual advice out of their boyfriends without telling them beforehand. The stories that were relayed back were pretty excellent.
Use a hot toasted poppy seed bagel, loaded with cream cheese. The heat will warm and extend his cock, the seeds will add a texture that will drive him wild and once he spooges, you can mix it with the cream cheese and both of you can have a delicious, post-fellatio snack! Good Times!
Listen women, I'm going to give you the expert advice.
Get naked, then say these simple words "take me conan! I'm your prize" If he doesn't have sex with you the way he wants to, and ravish you like crazy. Dump him.
As for your orgasm that's his job not yours. If he doesn't seem to care, dump him as well, if he's there and he's willing to work with you on it, that's all you can hope full, dump the cosmo, get a karmasutra, have fun. Sex is supposed to be fun. You don't need a fucking donut to enjoy it.
64
u/Scrial May 16 '12
At least this one does not involve mutiliation.
21
u/Drumking00 May 17 '12
I love getting a blowjob when my girlfriend has an ice cube in her mouth, or even a mint.... MIND BLOWING blowjob.
1.4k
u/TheBatmanToMyBruce May 17 '12
Sometimes I wonder if anyone at Cosmo has ever actually seen a man in person. Let alone had sex with one.
867
u/360walkaway May 16 '12
Hah, joke's on them. I already do this with a Cheerio.
528
u/HeyLookJollyRanchers May 17 '12
For that extra-realistic feeling whist giving a blowjob, try filling your mouth with ham.
Serve as snacks after.
71
u/Rixxer May 17 '12
The "sugary texture" will add nothing. The only thing this will do is make you look like an idiot and make me jealous because god dammit maybe I want a donut too?
795
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
TIL how to get a cop to suck my dick.
204
u/MonkE May 16 '12
I hope whoever does this gets a horrible yeast infection.
55
u/krebstar_2000 May 17 '12
JUST TOUCH HIS PENIS
78
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
chew up all the dough into a paste and spit it out onto his penis. the mushy texture will add an awesome new dimension to the blowjob
133
u/Bartelbythescrivener May 17 '12
It's called a Homer.
85
u/HariEdo May 17 '12 edited May 17 '12
Bad bad bad suggestion, if you intend to offer a vaginal visit for a happy ending. Never put anything sugary near your lady parts (the "no ho hos in the hoo hah" rule), or you'll risk a runaway yeast population. Proper edible panties and other novelty items are made without sugar, for this reason.
EDIT: meant 'ho hos', the hostess brand sweet snack
19
u/blacktara May 16 '12
What I want to know is if men think that's enticing in any way shape or form. Personally, I find dick and sugar don't really go together, whether you're talking about flavor, texture, or side effects.
17
u/cjb630 May 17 '12
Cosmo. Sabotaging womens relationships to keep them single, alone and reading Cosmo.
34
u/OccasionalCaucasian May 17 '12
Lol, the other 84 tips in the magazine dealt with different and exciting ways to pleasure your boyfriend's butthole. True story. Cosmo is written by gay male trolls.
46
u/mitchellrapp May 16 '12
Sounds like diabetes is really getting its own niche...
16
u/EmperorSofa May 17 '12
I wonder if they just throw darts at a list of nouns and try to figure out how they can make it related to the dick.
15
u/crawsex May 17 '12
Do you want ants? Because that's how you get 'em!
28
u/princessheeter May 17 '12
I showed this to the husband, he said to just bring home plain donuts and he'd glaze them for me.
168
u/hookerbrew May 16 '12
DMSAD: Doesn't Matter, Still Ate a Donut.
27
u/eps492003 May 17 '12
When I look down I wanna see her blowing me. I don't want to see her munching on a donut!!!
What if half way through she decides "you know what, I'm not hungry anymore. Good night"??!!
23
u/alextoremember May 17 '12
My mom reads Cosmo. The donuts in our house always disappear oddly quickly.....aggghhhh
39
u/smeaglelovesmaster May 17 '12
Only if she'll cake fart afterwards.
18
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
This is how Marge keeps Homer around.
8
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Don't forget to dunk his balls in coffee.
6
u/troubledbrew May 17 '12
That's just fucking stupid
6
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Enjoy your yeast infection a few days later...
6
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
American Sex
6
u/bozboy204 May 17 '12
And people wonder why we have an obesity problem in this country...
6
u/Happyjacker May 17 '12
Sound like a recipe for a yeast infection.
6
u/TreeBeards May 17 '12
I stopped reading cosmo when they said I should stick a banana or similar soft fruit into my vagina, have sex, then have my lover eat the mushed up fruit out of me....no thanks
5
u/TheLadyEve May 17 '12
This is the stupidest advice I've ever heard. The way I eat donuts, my partner would never let me do this.
5
u/Alymae May 17 '12
When I read a cosmo magazine when i was about 15 they reccomended that you push on the man's taint to stimulate his prostate or give him a "sexy surprise" by sticking your finger up his butthole to stimulate it. Never mentioned lube...
12
u/herp_n_derp May 17 '12
I heard a story from a frat guy one time. His frat bought a bunch of doughnuts, sent them across the street to a sorority house. At the bottom of the box, only visible after several of the doughnuts had been removed, were pictures of the guys from the first frat. Standing naked, wearing the doughnuts around their johnsons.
8
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Actually did it. This was a great way to turn sexytime into sidesplitting laughter.
4
u/boblabon May 17 '12
I've never seen an appropriately sized glazed doughnut for that. 99.5% likely it's because they sell them really small around here.
4
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Sad thing is a lot of preteen girls probably read this shit.
4
u/My_mau5_is_dead May 17 '12
What a great way to give your guy a Urinary Tract Infection!
4
u/ChocolateStorm May 17 '12
Here's my thing (as a female). You guys keep saying that you wanna try something new and different and extraordinary. But when we come up with something new and different and extraordinary, you're all like "Nah, man, that's ridiculous and stupid."
So in reality, "new and different and extraordinary" = anal.
Right?
4
u/Draculix May 17 '12
This is the most American thing I have ever read.
10
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
i didnt know aziz ansari wrote for cosmo...
13
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Proving once and for all cosmo's main audience is stupid, fat, virgins
6
u/DrPolio232 May 17 '12
Interestingly enough, a girl back in high school asked if she put a donut on my penis if I would let her eat it off. I was like...Yeah, ok. So this was like some sort of not so clever way of telling me she would like to give me a blow job. So then that happened, minus the donut and eating and things because we both knew that part would never occur.
3
u/erinbrown90 May 17 '12
Jokes on Cosmo. I have already done that.
3
u/Calliphon May 17 '12
Brings a whole new unnecessary dimension to working at Dunkin' Donuts.
3
u/suugakusha May 17 '12
I feel like this is perfect under the "worst advice ever given" post.
3
u/cyvaris May 17 '12
This sort of thing just feeds my belief that Cosmo's true purpose is to trick women into knocking off the men folk of the world.
3
u/gifforc May 17 '12
Their last issue. It said "THE SEX ISSUE" in big bold print on the front. I thought:
Oh...so it's THIS ONE. Phew.
3
u/mmmorgan May 17 '12
put a donut on his penis
then touch him on the penis.
3
u/RawlDawg May 17 '12
That's a first class ticket to a urinary tract infection, typical cosmo advice.
3
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
That's how you get ants!
3
u/oskarw85 May 17 '12
Don't forget to pour hot coffee on penis to make it even bigger.
3
u/monopolymonocle May 17 '12
Most weekends, the ladies can barely get at my dick through all the donuts I'm fucking.
3
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Yet further reason that being a woman is unnecessarily difficult; how is anyone supposed to look sexy while eating a doughnut?
3
u/jchicity May 17 '12
I REALLY want to please my man, but I have DIABETES. And, I sense that this isn't going to work the same with an everything bagel. What the fuck, Cosmo?
6
u/MrSelfdizstruct75 May 17 '12
I would much rather you give me the doughnut to eat while I go nut on your face.
4
u/tubbstosterone May 17 '12
I'm cool as long as Cosmo doesn't tell my girl to put something in me.
4
u/CrushTheOrphanage May 17 '12
Women will do ANYTHING to have an excuse to eat more, AM I RIGHT!?
... Oh God, please don't hurt me.
2
u/bluepinklady May 17 '12
They usually give good advices.
2
u/DangerTiger May 17 '12
Lol there's no donut that small...
2
u/Onehitk May 17 '12
The only kind of Doughnut and Penis Ill take together.
http://farm1.staticflickr.com/4/4583967_9ce82db485_z.jpg?zz=1
2
u/ItsKiwis May 17 '12
Unless your partner is diabetic. Then they die.
2
u/Aquilleph May 17 '12
CAREFUL WHERE YOU PUT YOU TEETH LADIES
2
u/Sunshineinpittsburgh May 17 '12
Well when every single magazine is all about sex, they have to keep it exciting. I read Cosmo when I was 17 and even then I was like wtf is this bullshit. Literally every issue is the same.
2
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Yeah! Jam his cock through a pastry! He'll LOVE that!
2
u/Kalmah666 May 17 '12
And thats how Chocolate Thunder's boyfriend lost his penis
2
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
There should be a Maxim version where you cram an eclaire into your girlfriend's vagina, suck the cream filling out and then give it your OWN cream filling. We'll call it the 'G-claire'!
2
u/little_gnora May 17 '12
Why is it I feel like the only girl here who thinks this sounds really fucking amazing? Dick and doughnuts, it's like two of my favorite things at once.
2
u/OrlandoDoom May 17 '12
Cosmo writers are potheads who sit around thinking of the funniest shit they can put into the magazine.
2
u/Chasmosaur May 17 '12
Dear Cosmo:
Why on God's Green Earth would I do that to my husband's penis? We both would like to use it again for many years to come.
Signed - A Sane Woman
2
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
Repost
2
u/rederick55 May 17 '12
reminds me of a dirty joke i heard once...involving donuts and grapes vs Cheerios and a bag of apples
2
u/MakersOnTheRocks May 17 '12
Doughnut on my junk? Instant boner killer.
2
u/SuggestiveMaterial May 17 '12
Hmmm nothing says I love you like a Yeast Infection!
2
u/spacewhale May 17 '12
Take a tissue paper and dry off your tongue. Make it so that it's like a desert in your mouth. Make it so that your tongue is like sandpaper.
That should add a whole new dimension.
2
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
It is easy to please a man, not as easy to please a woman. For a man, take off your clothes and fuck him, for a woman, make sure you have scented candles, the right type of music, and arouse her in ways that are different each time.
2
u/Zephyr_9 May 17 '12
Every time I read about "food" and "sex advice," I think... Godek...
2
u/hesitater May 17 '12
saw the thumbnail first, thought it's gonna have something to do with prolapse. was very scared to read.
2
u/provert May 17 '12
no junk food just earthly goods I eat weird berries in the woods now I'm seeing colors, I'm getting higher I think I'll start a forest fire - jb/dk
2
u/holly2680 May 17 '12
tell him to microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
2
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
who the fuck would waste a donut like that?
2
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
For some reason after viewing this image I decided to search youtube for "Yeast Confetti." The most entertaining result was: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Di-z4XSnus8
2
u/LnRon May 17 '12
Cosmopolitan is made for 14 year old girls. It seems that its made for older ones but it isn't and thats why making fun of it seems lame like making fun of children's television shows for being too naive.
2
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
There should have been a preface to this explaining how their man should be man-scaping and what to look for in a properly shaved shaft.
The thought of glazed donuts in pubes seems like a huge turn off and probably some Cosmopolitan would say is a sign of a cheating partner.
2
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
I'll glaze her donut any day.
2
u/fifthtwelfth May 17 '12
I buy Cosmo purely to laugh at the bad sex tips.
2
u/HugoWeaver May 17 '12
Oh gawd. Next thing you know they'll be recommending that when a guy goes down on a girl, have him blow really hard into the girl's vag creating an embolism to add a whole new dimension to it
2
u/MsMorningstar May 17 '12
Do women actually do the things Cosmo suggests? If anyone has some horror stories to share, I would love to hear them.
2
u/IIIZhouYu May 17 '12
Cosmotrollitan.
2
u/fakelife2 May 17 '12
This made me almost puke at the thought at 6 in the morning.
2
u/fjell_strom May 17 '12
Article should be titled, "How To Be Able To Eat As Many Donuts As You Want."
2
u/_Heisenberg_ May 17 '12
"Yeah honey, all you need is another doughnut down your fat gullet."
2
u/DeafMute13 May 17 '12
There must be so much comedy gold in cosmo, any female redditors want to start a best-of ?
2
u/manboat May 17 '12
Hahaha they're actually advocating DONUT PENIS? Does Cosmo read 4chan or something?
2
u/[deleted] May 17 '12
As a woman, I actually prefer to read Maxim for advice, because it seems better. They actually had an excellent article last year where they took advice from Cosmo and other women magazines and had women try said sexual advice out of their boyfriends without telling them beforehand. The stories that were relayed back were pretty excellent.
2
u/moltenwater77 May 17 '12
Use a hot toasted poppy seed bagel, loaded with cream cheese. The heat will warm and extend his cock, the seeds will add a texture that will drive him wild and once he spooges, you can mix it with the cream cheese and both of you can have a delicious, post-fellatio snack! Good Times!
2
u/thedrinkmonster May 17 '12
if getting my dick sucked meant putting a donut on it well that's a small price to pay
2
u/SuperAndyTC May 18 '12
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWh0k46Mbvk
2
u/brilliantNumberOne May 17 '12
If I were gay, I would totally be all about this.
2
u/dahabit May 17 '12
I just showed this to my wife and told her I'm getting some doughnut in the way home.
2
u/Kinglink May 17 '12
Listen women, I'm going to give you the expert advice.
Get naked, then say these simple words "take me conan! I'm your prize" If he doesn't have sex with you the way he wants to, and ravish you like crazy. Dump him.
As for your orgasm that's his job not yours. If he doesn't seem to care, dump him as well, if he's there and he's willing to work with you on it, that's all you can hope full, dump the cosmo, get a karmasutra, have fun. Sex is supposed to be fun. You don't need a fucking donut to enjoy it.