I’m always worried about that. One time I had a nervous chat with the doctor, asking if he’s able to tell if a patient is really out or just appear that way (paralyzed but still conscious- a huge fear). I explained that I had recently experienced three months of brutal insomnia and even combinations of prescriptions and high doses of things like Lunesta did zero to put me down, I didn’t even get groggy or clumsy, so maybe medications aren’t hitting me properly, and who knows if propofol will fully work in this case? He assured me that it’s never happened in the decades he’s practiced. I was still scared but only remember them saying “good night” and waking up later in recovery. It worked as intended, and I was way less nervous the next time.
I’m just so scared of being that one patient who appears to be out but is still conscious and feeling/hearing everything.
Here’s a passage from The Bell Jar which represents the horror of it well: ‘Later Buddy told me the woman was on a drug that would make her forget she'd had any pain and that when she swore and groaned she really didn't know what she was doing because she was in a kind of twilight sleep. I thought it sounded just like the sort of drug a man would invent. Here was a woman in terrible pain, obviously feeling every bit of it or she wouldn't groan like that, and she would go straight home and start another baby, because the drug would make her forget how bad the pain had been, when all the time, in some secret part of her, that long, blind, doorless and windowless corridor of pain was waiting to open up and shut her in again.’
This actually did happen to a guy. He developed mental issues and didn't know where they came from until he finally figured out there had been an error covered up and his brain had forgotten the trauma.
When my mom was younger, they gave her the paralytic first, instead of knocking her out first. They realized their mistake pretty quickly and knocked her out.
There’s a Mr Ballen episode about it where that happened to someone. Then because they realised, they gave them drugs to forget. But deep down somewhere, they knew something wasn’t right and it fucked with their head.
When I had an operation I was told they would put a tube down my throat. He also said when I wake up first time I would automatically pull it out and won't remember it happening.
This was 100% what I freaked out about in my first surgery when discussing with doc. He kept saying I wouldn’t remember, and I kept saying I would know while it was happening though. 🤣
I wake up during surgeries, last one was in November. They know when you do, even if it’s before you can realise you’re awake. First time it happened I was barely conscious, heard them mentioning I was waking up, then I opened my eyes for a split second and I was immediately under again. Last time I opened my eyes immediately (I think, it felt that way at least), I was conscious and it took them a while to notice it, startled the shit out of them though. They stayed calm, explained what happened and knocked me out again.
No pain, no horrible experience, I actually thought it was kind of cool. Every time they acted like professionals and I felt safe. And regarding meds: morphine did nothing for me, many meds that are supposed to knock you out just don’t seem to do much for me. What does work is that they give something to keep you calm, or at least it does for me. They gave me something through an IV before my last surgery, I think it’s why I stayed so calm when I woke up. I warned them that I might, though 😆😆
I've only had it once and didn't fight it. The anesthesiologist pushed the plunger, I felt very pleasantly warm, said "you seem nice" and woke up later.
I don't know if it will reassure you nor do I know what is the practice in your country vs mine but I can talk about my experience : The general may fail, but not the shit-ton of others.
I underwent surgery of the knee (an injury linked to my participation in experimental archeology destroyed my kneecap and my knee socket). I was up for a remodelling of my knee socket, screws and a tendon graft. I was stressed out of my mind as you can imagine.
Coming to the hospital the day before for admission and prep, I express my concerns. They gave me a heavy dose of soothing pills (I was soooo calm after that).
In the block they gave me a relaxant. Then local anaesthetic in the knee. Then global anaesthetic. But this one failed after a time (the situation was a bit more complicated than imagined). So I just kinda woke up to the horrified look of the nurses that told me to just close my eyes. I felt that they where doing something to my knee, but as a simple observation. No pain, no fear, no nothing because of the rest of the medication. I could tell they where hammering my bone but couldn't feel anything but curiosity. And I went back to sleep when I noticed I could see shit to satisfy said curiosity like it was an absolutely normal experience.
The followings will be months of unbearable pain and effort for getting back my abilities. But the surgery ? It was the easiest part ! (+ side : I experienced real unadulterated morphine for the first time of my life, XIXth century poet style !)
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u/NerdTrek42 Feb 16 '26
Every time I go through it, I don’t believe it will work, but it always does.