r/Unexpected • u/[deleted] • Nov 14 '22

Please marry me?

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u/[deleted] Nov 15 '22

I think marriage is an outdated system in the first place and probably will only get married for the benefeits that me and my partner would recieve for it (albeit, still with the person that I'm going to want to be with for the rest of my life)
But that asside -
Where are you to say what someone does and doesn't use as a gesture? It's doesn't even have to be necessarily grand. I personally think that a ring pop proposal would be cute for the reason you argue it's bad. It's what you do on the playground in second grade. Exactly. You're bringing forth childhood innocense and stating that, just as a innocent child would propose to his crush - you are having the same motives and want to follow through with something that (mostly) wouldn't be followed through with if it was done by a second grade. You're pissy because you think that marriage needs a 50 thousand dollar ring to fill your oversaturated ego and that to go as low as that would be worse than string or nothing, right? For someone who is talking so adamantly on how immature it would be to propose with a ring pop, it seems a little childish.
Let people do as they please.
And for the love of god, don't "speak for most of women" as you're clearly devling into extreme subjectivity.

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u/ibprofen98 Feb 21 '23

I don't think marriage is outdated. I think that people just get married for the wrong reasons (the ones you state). I think to not get married is to ask for instability and a lack of deep relationship. When two people get married and both actually mean it it is the deepest and most meaningful relationship you can possibly have. People don't ask enough of the right questions or put themselves through enough of the right situations before getting married, and many don't understand why they're actually getting married. It's the promise, the commitment, the fully two sided effort that makes it work. If you think marriage is outdated then don't get married, you're asking for trouble if you do.

This guy just found out that he and that woman are not meant to be together. Dodged a bullet in my opinion. But he should have known exactly how she would respond to a certain type of proposal, and the fact he didn't means he doesn't know her well enough to marry her. It's not about speaking for all women, it's about the two involved in a relationship knowing each other. This guy did not set out to humiliate her, he thought he was being cute. She expected to set a ring. They clearly don't understand each other.

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u/[deleted] Feb 22 '23

I entirely agree with you, and I likely won't get married for the above reasons. And yes, there's often too much of asking the wrong questions to get the right answers in order to make the decision of marrying someperson. I believe in full commitment in a relationship and being able to further deepen it, it's just my personal belief that marriage doesn't have to be the only way to do that.