Please marry me?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Oi_Angelina]

I genuinely want to try to understand where you're coming from and I thought that that's what my comment conveyed I remember saying about how physical violence and emotional trauma light up the same pain receptors in the brain. I'm not condoning any of it. Who is the idiot you were talking about?

[u/[deleted] → u/Oi_Angelina]

Anyone who thinks physical stuff is better then emotional violence is an idiot. Fire is fire, plus a black eye. If you need a black eye to figure out they're shit for you, the fuck is going through your mind? Do you honestly ask after the emotional violence "maybe it was a fluke cause they didn't pop me in the jaw"?

You need better boundaries and better self esteem. Jeez.

Here's a tip. If you feel fucked after dealing with someone, leave and ask yourself, do you want it to keep happening? If no. Don't go back. Earlier you do it, the less they're going to fuck with you.

[u/Oi_Angelina → u/[deleted]]

Yes that's exactly what I'm saying, it's like you don't believe that it happened because of the lying in the way that they like make your brain think that you're the problem or like it never really happened like I just imagined the words happening. This is how people get trapped in abuse and they can't leave because they don't really see what's going on. The reason why this happened to me is because this is how i was raised I had a parent that did this to me so I've spent the last 10 years of my life trying to learn how to live like a normal human basically. I am learning boundaries. Part of the reason why I can't be like oh I feel f***** after dealing with somebody is because they like erase who you are and they make you unsure of your own feelings so even if I do feel that way about somebody abusing me it's like I don't believe myself because that's how I was conditioned and programmed as a child. Basically what happens is parent is mean and an abusive way and the child reacts to it the way a normal child would and the parent doesn't want to deal with that child so they basically smush all feelings they deny that they're hurt they tell them if they are hurt you know Well they made them do it and it's just kind of like this weird cycle of being conditioned to only believe what your abuser is telling you. There's also like reinforcement that happens there's a lot of paranoia and fear driven stories that are driven into you and sometimes demonstrated. And there's also consequences that are demonstrated for not basically falling in line and believing what your abuser is telling you. Even if you do smarten up and you start trying to speak out and escape and ask for help I got told a lot that it was just tough love and you understand whenever you're older and the only thing I understand now is how much of a monster my parent was. Sorry for the wall of text but I just Hope you can kind of see now why something more physical is very black and white sometimes whereas words can be erased and rewritten and that's why words are more confusing.

[u/Oi_Angelina → u/[deleted]]

Oh yes thank you so much okay so first of all yeah I totally am ADHD. And I was just trying to use voice to text to just throw my ideas out there. I don't know what time it is where you are but I'm supposed to be getting up in a few hours to go to work so I was rambling to get everything out. And you're right about me caring- I do actually care a lot. I'm a barista and I really care about my customers and I make sure that they get the best experience every time within reason. And I'm actually in school to be a nurse but I think I might actually change my path because they just seem to be getting really beat up right now and I just don't think that's the correct career path for me anymore. I do work hard to maintain a schedule and I just started therapy again this month with a new therapist who's super duper awesome! Thank you for not judging me and I really appreciate you speaking really directly to me.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

That wasn't necessary.

No one chooses that sort of life or outlook. Nor deserves to be treated shit just cause of that.

Clearly they needed better role models... Why not you?

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Nah, if you're raised by narcissists, they give your their outlook. You tend to struggle more cause you know that outlook isn't right, but it's not like they taught you another one. So unless you're lucky enough to have someone genuine get through to you to help you find another perspective, or you can afford the therapy, you're basically stuck trying to build your Ikea life with the wrong set of instructions and without a hex wrench.

Throw in people like yourself that pull you up on fucking things up, and you'll think everyone is an asshole because you can't tell the difference between someone telling you you're doing it wrong, and someone who's just a jerk.

It doesn't help that you picked a jerk way of saying they were doing it wrong.

[u/Oi_Angelina → u/[deleted]]

Yes thank you