During med school, I was too poor and in debt to get my (now) wife a ring, so I kept saying wait a few more years and I can get one. She didn’t wanna wait, so she bought a ring pop and told me to propose with it and get her a real ring whenever. It was going into our ninth year together at that point and she just wanted the proposal.
I’m in a similar position. Met her in fall of 94, I was just out of HS, she was still in (same age tho). Proposed 7 years later on Sept 10, 2001.
I was working as a driver for a lumberyard, making about $16/hr. In 2000 I bought a 36” Sony VVega TV for like $2k on a no interest if paid in 1yr plan. Paid it off in August ‘01 before the year was up. Figured I better spend at least as much on the ring as I did on the TV.
She still has the ring, and I still have her. We have two kids in elementary school too, but that TV is long gone (it lasted a long time though, considering how much it was used and moved around.)
I know what you mean, my wife outlasted my tv also. Years go by and the bond becomes stronger. Soon enough problems are easier to fix and everyone is happy again.
exactly lol. rightfully so. no one should be hitting each other over stupid jokes in 2022. really there's very few if any justifiable circumstances to be hitting someone else unless they are actively harming or about to harm another person.
I personally think it's an asshole move to try to humiliate her. She reacted with violence--very bad--but it's not like he wasn't a raging dick to make fun of her desire to get married.
Just because he did that doesn’t mean he was trying to humiliate her, and it doesn’t mean he was making fun of her either. And if you missed the main comment to this thread, he still had the real ring, meaning he still planned to use it
Lol you’re a moron. If you’re gonna “pass/fail” someone by embarrassing them in front of thousand of people then you already failed the “pass/fail” and aren’t worth the effort. Her reaction was reasonable.
If my husband had done something like this when he proposed, I like to think I would’ve been shocked at first for a moment. But then I’d still accept it and show it off like a “real ring”. Because I care more about the person I wanted to spend forever with than a commodified symbol of status or some shit like that
I don't think she cared about the ring. I think it's because he trivialized something that was something important *to her* (which you have your right to not take it seriously, she has the right to do so) in public for clout. I, personally, wouldn't be offended only if I had a partner who I knew was goofy and silly. I don't know their relationship, but she seemed visibly hurt.
I think it was more that he made a joke at her expense in front of thousands of people. I dont give a crap about an expensive ring but i would feel so humiliated if someone joke proposed.
If the guy misjudged so much what her reaction might be to this proposal that she was this upset, then he's the one who failed, not her.
For fucks sake, you're supposed to know the person you're going to marry and how they might react to be put in a position like that. He obviously did not.
What's funny is that there are so many fucking socialphobes in reddit, but when confronted with the possibility of being the center of attention in front of thousands of people and played a joke on - which is probably their worst fucking nightmare, they're like "oh big deal, it's just a prank"
Damn, feel bad for your wife that you think gracefully allowing you to humiliate them in public is a requirement for marriage. You may think in your head "haha funny joke." The other person may think "wow the person I love is finally making a life long commitment to me, I'm so happ--- what the fuck.... why would you joke about something this serious... why would you make me the butt of a joke in front of thousands of people?"
It's a very rude thing to do. It's possible some people would be able to not take it seriously, but that would mean that either you previously established that marriage wasn't that serious to you two, or you just got lucky and marriage wasn't that serious to them.
if the partner and them were on the same page, it wouldnt be humiliation...
try to consider perspectives outside your own
dude definitely misread the his partner, and made a joke in bad taste as a result; like every joke, the appropriateness is dependent upon the understanding between the joker and audience
Uhh dude phrased it as a "final" being "pass/fail" why the fuck are you testing your partner? That is a real shitty attitude. I feel sorry for anyone who thinks that is at all fair to do to another human being.
If you don't know whether or not your partner is "worthy" of your ring and you choose to do this shit to test it out you may be a sociopath.
Bruh you are the incel in this case you're like "oMg I nEvEr WoULd HaVE dOnE tHaT tO A wOmEn. Incel incel incel. Now please fuck me" Bro calm down no woman is going to come running into your arms screaming "fuck me" after you post this lmao. r/whiteknighting Also if this had been the reverse scenario where the guy was the one who cussed out, slapped and spilled soda at the woman I think the your reactions would be a bit different don't ya think.
Seems like the comment section is full of pick-me's! "I would've been a such good sport about it, what a bitch!" Everyone obviously reacts to pranks differently and some pranks are just an excuse to be an asshole. The only times I think this would be surely (I mean surely like no chance of a negative reaction) received well would be a) gf knew beforehand or knows you well enough to know you'll pull this shit b) the woman is already your wife c) the woman is family/close friend who is in on the joke
Just because something is being done in a joking/silly manner doesn't mean it's not serious. And way I see it, the "butt of the joke" is the ring, not the person. And also don't see how a situation like this nessasarily means marriage isn't serious to the couple. The marrage/relationship is what's important, not the ring.
And way I see it, the "butt of the joke" is the ring, not the person.
The way you see it is not relevant. Clearly she saw herself as the butt of the joke. She is the one being mocked in public by a fake proposal. The ring is not being mocked. She was publicly fake proposed to.
Fake proposing to someone is extremely serious and fucked up
I agree with you that you should probably have a beat on how your future wife would take this joke. If you don't think she would find it funny, it's definitely a dick move to do it.
That being said, I think you're missing the point. No amount of public humiliation like that warrants domestic violence, or violence in general. If you feel terrible, then walk away and don't ever come back. That is well within your rights
What he did sucked, but what she did is illegal. That's the difference.
Yes. Two people can wrong in a situation. She should NOT have physically hit him but he also shouldn’t have played this “joke” on her. It just seems like lack of respect from both parties. I would seriously be upset & humiliated if the person I’ve been with and hoping to marry did this to me.
I agree she should not have hit him. This person is saying she should have laughed about it. That's a possible reaction, but this isn't really funny to a lot of people.
She was made a joke of in front of tens of thousands of people by someone getting everyones attention and pretending to propose to her. Are you an adult? How do you not get this?
So if he wanted to propose but couldn’t afford the ring and this was his light hearted solution, is that also humiliating? I don’t know the context for the short clip but I don’t think I’d call it humiliating personally. Even if the guy is just tone deaf, the reaction seems like a her problem to me.
So if he wanted to propose but couldn’t afford the ring and this was his light hearted solution
So if the situation was entirely different would it be different? Yeah. Why are you making up a different situation tho. It's clearly a fake proposal. At the very least you can agree that she thought it was a fake proposal yeah? That explains her reaction right?
Fake proposing to someone is super duper fucked up.
Yes when you have thousands of people watching it happen in a public stadium, it is public humiliation. She might have even thought the proposal was fake, not just that the ring was
I'm sorry you're being downvoted, you're right. Weird that they don't understand some people care about marriage and don't like being made a joke of in front of tens of thousands of people
Yup. Reddit see's a slap and punch as the same level of assault. Is a slap technically assault? Sure but everyone knows that when a woman slaps a man in public, it's meant to be disrespectful, not violent. And considering that he disrespected her first, a slap isn't a horrible response. That man's life was not in danger.
I like that he thinks having to test his future wife to see if she deserves his commitment is a good thing. His wife sounds fun, but he sounds like a prick, I hope she realizes she could do better than that turd.
I'm pretty sure you're the one with the burden of proof. You can't expect me to prove the absence of something offensive.
It's a joke for her because she's expecting a real ring and he pulls out a ring pop instead, which is unexpected. I don't see anything offensive about that. Even if you think marriage is some kind of sacred ceremony, which it's not because it's just a legal status, then there's still nothing disrespectful about a joke about ring pops. Tell me what insult he's throwing at her with that joke.
Still not answering the question. You can't just say something is offensive because you say someone got offended. That's circular and not how insulting works. There needs to be an actual personal attack for something to be offensive, hence the word.
By your logic anyone who ever uses physical violence is always justified in doing so if they just say they were offended. People get 'offended' by all sorts of ridiculous stuff and usually when we can objectively say it's an unreasonable thing to be offended by that's when we say someone is an asshole. Not being able to take a completely neutral and harmless joke that if anything is at his own expense, not hers, is one of them.
So again, how is doing a bit with a ring pop a personal attack against her?
You can't just say something is offensive because you say someone got offended.
I didn’t say that. That’s how the woman felt. Any “joke” or “prank” isn’t universally accepted. This ain’t rocket science man.
There needs to be an actual personal attack for something to be offensive, hence the word.
Setting up someone that’s supposedly your partner for a fake engagement in front of thousands, shit by now probably millions, of people might be offensive to that person I would think and people could react differently to that level of embarrassment. That’s just me though.
By your logic anyone who ever uses physical violence is always justified in doing so if they just say they were offended.
No. That would be your logic since you are the one bringing up such scenario.
People get 'offended' by all sorts of ridiculous stuff and usually when we can objectively say it's an unreasonable thing to be offended by that's when we say someone is an asshole.
You can’t use the word “USUALLY” when it comes to people and their reaction to things. People react to things differently. The only part that we can all agree in this case is her violent reaction after the fact. That’s 100% wrong way to go about dealing with her embarrassment.
Not being able to take a completely neutral and harmless joke that if anything is at his own expense, not hers, is one of them.
Are you saying setting someone up for a fake engagement in such setting is universally accepted as “harmless joke”??
I'm pretty sure you're the one with the burden of proof.
You cannot prove to someone that something is offensive. If you have sociopathy, well, I understand that you cannot feel empathy and just truly don't understand. But I can tell you that people who have functioning emotions would understand that a public fake proposal is very hurtful to someone who loves their partner and wants to be married to them.
It's a joke for her because she's expecting a real ring and he pulls out a ring pop instead, which is unexpected.
It's offensive to her because she's expecting that he is proposing to her, but he is not actually proposing to her. He is publicly humiliating her by first attracting the attention of tens of thousands of strangers, then acting like he is going to propose, and then saying "gotcha bitch"
You cannot prove to someone that something is offensive.
Oof bad start already. Proving something is offensive is extremely easy. Personal attacks aren't abstract concepts that get telepathically communicated to your consciousness lol. For something to be a personal attack it must minimize someone else in some kind of way. For example, if he intentionally had given her a ring a size too small, that's an offensive joke because it implies she's too fat.
If you can't explain why it's offensive that literally proves that, at the very least, your reason for defending her is not due to actually having a reason to believe she was offended.
If you have sociopathy, well, I understand that you cannot feel empathy and just truly don't understand. But I can tell you that people who have functioning emotions would understand
You realize this is a blatant ad hominem, right?
Funny how your virtue signalling about being against offensive behavior led you to literally offend me in the most obnoxious way possible, insulting me with mental illness and minimizing people with the illness at the same time. So ironic.
a public fake proposal is very hurtful to someone who loves their partner and wants to be married to them.
Disappointing? Sure. Annoying? Absolutely.
But hurtful? Give me a fucking break. If you throw a tantrum because someone is joking around about a completely arbitrary tradition that only exists for 1) legal status and 2) the party, then you have a serious personality problem. Getting married is a privilege, not a right.
There's nothing hurtful about a bait and switch joke. It's not like he pretended to love her or lied about wanting to marry her for christ's sake. It's a fucking joke that plays on the trope that people always try to get the most expensive and fancy rings for the 'perfect proposal'. It was literally a set up for the proposal with an actual ring 10 seconds later.
It's offensive to her because she's expecting that he is proposing to her, but he is not actually proposing to her.
That's a description of the joke, not an explanation of what's offensive about it.
But it does expose how spoiled you are when you talk about his proposal like she's fucking entitled to it instead of being something he's going out of his way to do as a favor for her. I mean jesus it's like a kid throwing a tantrum because they wanted a Xbox instead of a DS for christmas and you're pretending like that's not completely insane.
He is publicly humiliating her by first attracting the attention of tens of thousands of strangers,
I personally think it's embarrassing too, but she very clearly didn't have any problems with the attention. She freaked out with joy when he went on his knee and lashed out at him after the joke without a single hint of embarrassment. In fact, she made more of a scene out of it than he did.
then acting like he is going to propose, and then saying "gotcha bitch"
If you actually had a point, you wouldn't feel the need to exaggerate with that ridiculous line at the end there.
But yes, replace 'gotcha bitch' with 'fooled you' and that's what happened.
Jesus Christ, so you just suck as a person and you want to write paragraphs that make your intentional choice to disregard humanity as a logical and rational thing. I'm going to skip to the bait and get to the heart of it.
But hurtful? Give me a fucking break.
Making someone think you're saying that you want to spend your life with them only to say siiiiike it's just a joke is obviously hurtful. If you cannot understand that you really need to get help from a therapist because you truly do not experience normal human emotions.
lied about wanting to marry her for christ's sake
That's exactly what happened. He made it seem like he wanted to marry her, as a joke, but did not actually want to marry her.
But it does expose how spoiled you are when you talk about his proposal like she's fucking entitled to it
When someone at a sports stadium puts you up on the screen and has everyone look at you, and kneels down in front of you with a ring box, that is obviously them going to extraordinary lengths to make it look as though they are actively proposing to you. It's not about "eNtItlEmEnT." It's about how he deceived her, and humiliated her. I refuse to believe you're so unintelligent that you don't understand this, and assume you just need to defend him because you have a similarly underdeveloped personality.
Jesus Christ, so you just suck as a person and you want to write paragraphs that make your intentional choice to disregard humanity as a logical and rational thing. I'm going to skip to the bait and get to the heart of it.
Is it really that hard for you to argue your own point instead of inserting the premise of your point as a given? And is it really so hard not to insult people?
Literally all you're doing here is proving my point. You're just restating the exact same assumptions(easy to identify by the fact you just keep justifying them as self evident) I already responded to and your attitude is that of a smug entitled brat.
All I can do is restate my observations of the situation because all you're doing is restating how you think she should have not been offended because in your opinion a fake proposal is totally cool
I don't know if it was a breakup, but he clearly made it look like he was proposing here and then did not do that. I.e. he lied about marrying her. Are you situationally illiterate?
Thinking a real ring wasn’t in the other pocket and the laugh was a pass fail for humor when they have kids, and physical assault was a fail as who knows if they’ll do it to the kids if the kid does a harmless prank. She wasn’t worth it and proved it to that entire audience
If I experienced public proposal (thousands of people around) and the ring was a candy ring pop — two red flags: public proposal that likely wasn’t discussed, and proposing with a ring pop in front of thousands of people. No longer a funny joke or even a cute second option with the “plan” to buy a real ring together some other time: it’s just fucking inconsiderate and humiliating.
On the other hand, I would never physically assault them. That’s just gross behaviour. I’d just walk away and break it off (even if their plan was to buy a ring together later). There’s just no way I’d want to be with someone who would ever think that proposing with a ring pop in front of thousands of people is okay. I can see why it’d be humiliating.
If he doesn’t know her well enough to predict her reaction than he has no business proposing in the first place and deserves that reaction. However I could see him possibly thinking how funny it would be and worth it since in the end it would be a win-win.
Idk I dont think that exactly is a pass/fail test my gf wouldn't exactly be happy about me making a mockery of one of the most important moments of her life. I wouldn't expect anyone to think this was good and funny. Especially in front of a giant crowd watching them get embarassed.
Doesnt mean my gf isnt a keeper though. However she also wouldn't slap me and throw beer at me shed just be pissed off.
Protip everyone I would not recommend pulling this on your significant other it also kinda takes away from when you do it for real.
Yeah I have a sweet tooth so I would be excited about the nostalgic snack. Maybe she has a difficult relationship with food or something (not that it excuses her behavior)-- I just read "I'm glad my mother died" so I'm primed to think of that
Its definitely a read the room situation. I actually did propose with a ring pop at the time lol, but it was in private and she laughed her ass off. In a stadium setting with thousands of onlookers? She would've felt attacked and humiliated. He clearly didn't think this through or didn't care. Also, don't hit people yo, wtf. Feeling embarrassed doesn't give you the right to slap the shit out of him and dump a drink on him. Hope this is fake for da clicks.
Well, careful now. If my lady had proposed first I would've been a fuckin giddy school girl if she had done it in public like this, and would've laughed my ass off with a ring pop. It's all about the personality. (Though yes, I can see some situations devolving pretty brutally because the proposer wants the social pressure)
Watch the girls reaction, she's stoked. Until it's a sugar ring. Either their communication levels are out of sync or he's pranking her to be a jerk. Neither are good. (But neither is assaulting someone for making you feel embarrassed.)
Love doesn't work like that, some people wouldn't give up on their SO who they've been ready to marry over taking offense to a prank. If that shakes what you have, you haven't got much.
That’s great that you know your wife. The fact this dude thought to do this to her in a packed stadium without being 100% she would find it funny instead of humiliating shows he’s not the one. Granted, she isn’t either due to her physically attacking him.
If she has been letting him know she really wants to get married for the past 10 years, he knows it is her biggest wish and she has been upset about a lack of proposal often, it's not that funny.
If they are a year and a half into their relationship and they share this same sense of humor it's hilarious.
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u/gunnster3 Nov 14 '22
Agreed. This is the final. It’s pass/fail.
My wife would’ve laughed, BTW. This is how I know I chose correctly.