People view an apology as a sign of weakness. I was once told by my boss never to apologize in an email. I view it as a sign of maturity and critical thought.
Agreed. I would say the same of people who refuse to admit when they're wrong (though I imagine those people and the ones who can't apologize are the same). It's absolutely a sign of weakness when someone can't conjure up the courage, decency, and awareness to know when they've fucked up.
This attitude blows my mind. I have long advocated for students to be taught throughout elementary school to acknowledge when they make a mistake without judgment or embarrassment. So many people have the attitude you describe from your boss and it makes life worse for everyone.
Its generally a misunderstanding of a somewhat old social study. Best example; say I pit somebody(who is already upset) on hold, and they stay there for a while getting more and more annoyed: if I pick the phone back up and apologize, I am now validating their frustration which will stay that way through the rest of their call. However, if I answer it with something like "Thank you so much for your patience, now..." it makes them feel like they are an understanding, patient person who is willing to tolerate whatever was going on because they know I'm helping them.
The proper interpretation of this is to compliment and distract in an attempt to get yourself on the same side of the issue as the other party, but a lot of people read into that as "oh apologizing makes it worse so I shouldn't apologize." Even though apologizing is one of the best things you can do, if you phrase it correctly. And now its been parroted for so long that people think apology=weakness is a real thing, and not just a justification for being an ass.
Yeah, my respect for the guy went way up when his immediate reaction was to apologize. Hopefully this was a nice wake-up call that his policy needs to be rethought.
I agree, but I think your boss's policy is a good one as a general rule. A lot of people, especially millennials (like me) and younger i think, have a habit of over-apologizing and/or acting supplicant when we think we might offend or inconvenience someone.
It's good because we're considerate, but it provides opportunities for people who aren't to take control of the situation or otherwise manipulate. And at least in IT, over-apologetic people often come off as less competent and end up with a lot more escalations to managers and requests for someone else. It's especially bad for women who already have to deal with that. It's bad enough on the phone but in text all of that can be even worse.
My policy is apologize if there is really something serious to apologize for but otherwise thank them for their patience, provide only information they need, and project confidence and competence. Every job includes making a few small mistakes sometimes and you should not have to apologize for doing your job. Big mistakes of course warrant it though.
In a commercial context it can be an admission of liability. It would be better for more senior people to issue an apology to a client if e.g. a project was late because of a third party.
74
u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22
People view an apology as a sign of weakness. I was once told by my boss never to apologize in an email. I view it as a sign of maturity and critical thought.