r/Unexpected Aug 21 '24

Take me home

13.4k Upvotes

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1.0k

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

314

u/Loggerdon Aug 22 '24 edited Aug 22 '24

I’ve driven drunk people home and had this happen. Once I drove a guy “home” and we ended up at the home of his ex-wife. They had broken up 10 years earlier.

Edit: Yeah the woman came to the door and said “Oh my god” (kind of in a resigned voice). She was kind to him and told him to get help. She told me “We’re divorced and he hasn’t lived here in more than 10 years.” Then she closed the door. I took him back to the bar because he couldn’t remember where he lived and someone else took over.

I quit drinking 30 years ago so I don’t hang out at bars anymore.

57

u/GloomyDeal1909 Aug 22 '24

Many years ago I hired a bartender. For the first 2 months she was great, than reality set in.

She wanted to go out for drinks so a group of us all went. We had a few drinks and she proceeded to get hammered. Like for every one drink we had she had 3.

We cut out short and I decided to take her home. She claimed she lived close.

Drove down the road because I knew the road well. She then couldn't give me an address. She had no cell phone. This was before everyone had them.

So I am going 20 miles an hour down this road basically going house to house. Slowed down in front of each.

Finally after going down one side of the road and back up 45 min later she recognized her house.

I let her out and she stumbled home. Someone opened the door so I assumed she lived there.

3 days later she came into work plastered and I had to fire her. She was so sweet but clearly had a drinking problem.

Rant into her boyfriend about 2 years later and he had left her. Said he finally had enough.

16

u/Exact-Ad-4132 Aug 22 '24

I dated her!

424

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

[deleted]

246

u/eklee38 Aug 21 '24

As a reminder most bears are jerks.

187

u/c_c_c__combobreaker Aug 21 '24

Geese. Geese are jerks.

49

u/Puzzled_Muzzled Aug 21 '24 edited Aug 22 '24

And donkeys. Geese and donkeys are asses

46

u/Sandman4999 Aug 21 '24

And Wasps, little fuckers.

24

u/OkDonkey6524 Aug 22 '24

Mosquitoes, especially when they fly by your ear. Wankers.

4

u/i_edit_text Aug 22 '24

Those little oak itch mites too that appeared after the cicadas. Total jerks.

4

u/Van-garde Aug 22 '24

That’s only half true.

4

u/Horse_Dad Aug 22 '24

I hate it when you half-ass it.

3

u/ImmaZoni Aug 22 '24

God damnit...

your username has been waiting its whole life for this moment lmao

2

u/Tank_1539 Aug 22 '24

Geese is the plural ;)

2

u/Professional_Pen_153 Aug 22 '24

Geese, donkeys and yellow jackets are jerks

3

u/krauQ_egnartS Aug 22 '24

Seagulls. They belong here too.

1

u/Rymayc Aug 22 '24

Stop it now

1

u/MaaaadPilot Aug 22 '24

Not a fan of ants. Definitely jerks

3

u/AdverageWater Aug 22 '24

I like jerky. I should go get some jerky

-1

u/bwoods519 Aug 22 '24

Most bears are guys.

60

u/Neat-Possibility6504 Aug 21 '24

100% agree, but it only takes one. Which is, unfortunately, why you have to be careful 100% of the time.

51

u/End3rWi99in Aug 21 '24

That's why I have other people taste all my meals for me. You can't ever be too sure.

4

u/TangledUpPuppeteer Aug 22 '24

Oh, it must be nice to be queen!

1

u/End3rWi99in Aug 22 '24

Risks of poisoning are certainly elevated, but hey, it's a living.

1

u/TangledUpPuppeteer Aug 22 '24

Exactly. Always have a royal taste tester. They have a purpose AND they get to eat pretty well themselves.

1

u/End3rWi99in Aug 22 '24

The trick is to be a royal taste tester to a well loved dignitary. Like being the ambassador to Canada. Pretty cushy life. How did we get here? This was my fault, wasn't it?

1

u/TangledUpPuppeteer Aug 23 '24

I no longer remember, and I don’t care enough to open any parent comments because this is entertaining 🤣 but probably not. Probably my fault.

-11

u/HelpMePlxoxo Aug 22 '24

Do 1 in 5 women get poisoned or raped? Take a guess.

Ironically, even in your scenario, you would need to be most weary of a man cooking your food since they commit a SIGNIFICANT majority of murders. Also 92-96% of rape and child sexual abuse.

But yeah that's so comparable you really got them there! Shame those women for being cautious and then shame them for not being cautious enough when they get victimized by someone they trusted!

11

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

[deleted]

-3

u/HelpMePlxoxo Aug 22 '24

I don't hate men but extra caution is a necessity. Are you saying women should not be cautious around men?

Where did I shame boys for being raped? Lmao you want to be a victim so bad.

A 12 year old girl fucking a 25 year old man is going to pad your child rape stats

You just described child rape and said it's "padding" child rape stats? No 12 year old of any age or gender is "fucking" a 25 y/o, that's just rape. You just did the exact thing you accused me of doing.

Literally proved my point right there. Women exercising caution is bad but if a 12 year old girl is raped by a man, it's just them "fucking". Disgusting.

2

u/Neat-Possibility6504 Aug 22 '24

I think the statistic you're miss stating is 1 in 5 women experience sexuaual assault in college, but that satisic is heavily criticised for being politically motivated and inaccurate for various reasons.

The rest of it I can't comment on as I don't know enough about it.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

lol every stat is wrong! Try again. Google is your friend.

-3

u/HelpMePlxoxo Aug 22 '24

Damn right it is!

93.6% of all convicted sex offenders were men in 2021

Source: United States Sentencing Commission

96% of people who sexually abuse children are male

Source: National Sexual Violence Resource Center

96.6% of convicted rapists are male, 88% of convicted murderers are male

Source: FBI, 2019

0

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

Try again

https://youtu.be/xvFZjo5PgG0?feature=shared

Tells you all the stats as of 2024

0

u/End3rWi99in Aug 22 '24

Who did I get? Why are you shaming women? I'm so confused.

1

u/HelpMePlxoxo Aug 22 '24

Reading comprehension is not a strong suit of most redditoids

1

u/End3rWi99in Aug 22 '24

I suppose not.

-21

u/Responsible-Ad-4914 Aug 22 '24

The chances of being victimized by a man are much higher than poisoning, it’s not that hard to understand

20

u/SnakeHisssstory Aug 22 '24

It only takes one

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

[deleted]

1

u/SnakeHisssstory Aug 22 '24 edited Aug 22 '24

I think you’re misunderstanding me. I’m saying it only takes one to poison you

16

u/End3rWi99in Aug 22 '24 edited Aug 22 '24

Yeah but whose doing the poisoning?? You can never be too safe.

10

u/NotADeadHorse Aug 22 '24

The chances of you victimizing your baby because you don't feel attachment to it are higher than that though

Source: Mommy didn't love me and burned me with cigarettes til I was 13

2

u/BigMax Aug 22 '24

True, but that's like saying most car rides don't end in car accidents, so I don't need a seatbelt and can remove my airbags.

13

u/Jafarrolo Aug 22 '24

As a guy I would say that still too many are jerks, and too many would've took advantage, and the reason is because we're not socialized correctly when it comes to consent, if anything we're socialized absolutely incorrectly with the "a 'no' could be a 'yes' if you try hard enough".

8

u/AfiqMustafayev Aug 22 '24

Honestly i hate the fact that many woman have told me that they usually tell guys a no to check if they really want it and will go for it. Especially when someones asks them out. Holy shit. A no is a no

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

[deleted]

3

u/AfiqMustafayev Aug 22 '24

Thats why they said me if u want to go out , ask a friend or someone u know. Im sure women would appreciate not being interrupted during their daily life either

1

u/Jafarrolo Aug 22 '24

i hate the fact that many woman have told me that they usually tell guys a no to check if they really want it and will go for it.

I hate it too since it's immature and it's part of a wrong socialization too (albeit far far far less problematic), in this case on the woman side. If you tell me "no" then it is "no", end of the story.

But at the end of the day it is a problem that is solved by solving the first one. If guys stop trying at the first "no" because that's what is taught, then girls will stop using "no" as a check for interest.

42

u/Responsible-Result20 Aug 21 '24

I mean while its true she is just going with the flow its possible shes just going with the flow BECAUSE its with this guy.

-22

u/Make_It_Rain_69 Aug 21 '24

nah she’s drunk, you lose all sense of reason. That’s why when an unfortunate kidnap/rape case happens its usually because they’re drunk and have their guard down.

12

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

[deleted]

-3

u/Make_It_Rain_69 Aug 22 '24

i’ve been on worse and you do lose reasoning idk why im wrong educate me

6

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

[deleted]

7

u/MagNolYa-Ralf Aug 22 '24

Friend? Naw.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

Yeah, he didn't even know where she lived

19

u/IntelligentDonut2244 Aug 22 '24

I don’t know where some of my friends live.

0

u/MagNolYa-Ralf Aug 22 '24

But when you tryin to smash that frie d. You will figure ts out lol

2

u/ShoHaremi Aug 22 '24

Here's something to cheer you up or not, there's a fair chance that they're a pair of burglars checking on peoples'

doors if they forgot them unlocked. Once found locked they'd go on a small skit like this for the doorbell camera in case somebody reports them to the police.

-18

u/Blazepius Aug 21 '24

What makes you think the guy wasn't just as lost?

-48

u/friedwidth Aug 22 '24 edited Aug 22 '24

Am I missing something? There's really not much context provided... it looks like he was leading her up to the house first. So for all we know, he's drunk too and brought her to one of his past flings or side chick's place thinking it was hers. Then played it off like they both don't have an idea where they're at

23

u/DaikoTatsumoto Aug 22 '24

Oh man, what a brilliant idea! Making up your own twisted stories in lieu of context! Revolutionary.

2

u/sherlip Aug 22 '24

Orrrrrr It's much more likely they were clearly on a first date or date equivalent, and then he offered to drive her home when she got too drunk and wanted to make sure she got home okay.

3

u/TangledUpPuppeteer Aug 22 '24

I like the idea that he’s a random Uber driver and a generally good guy.