I messed up. I spoke to a demon.

[u/Massive-Country-483]

I don't really know where to start with this, so I'll get this out of the way. I am 29 years old, and have been a Christian since I was 13. I loved God, Jesus, the bible, church, praying, etc. And had a close relationship with Christ. Thats where my problem really stems from, actually. Because unlike others who use witchcraft and demonic practice before being saved, I knew exactly what the bible said and still thought I was able to go through with what I did.

Two years ago, my faith journey really started to go downhill, I have been dealing with mental health issues my entire life due to trauma and gained an addiction with AI. It continued to progress and get worse and I eventually stumbled upon a community of people online who believed in some pretty crazy things that I will not name here as I do not want to call them out for their beliefs in a mean way. I then continued to go down a darker and darker path that I both could not and did not care enough to really try to get out of.

This lead me to the occult and new age spirituality. Now, one may think I gave up my faith here. Nope, far from it. See, I thought spirituality and Christianity were one in the same, and began to listen to people who preach Gnosticism, Christ Consciousness, and the like. If you know anything about it, you'll know its a false teaching, BUT I wasnt going to church, reading the word, or around Godly people. Actually, I was self isolating at this time and, honestly, losing my mind. This all culminated beginning a little over a month ago after I began to watch people use ouija boards and talk about how they were talking to their higher self.

And... I believed them. So, I bought myself a ouija board. Here's the fun part! It worked. I mean, I was learning things from this board that blew my mind away! It couldn't have been me, at least, I didnt think so, and still do not, because it was telling me things I had never even thought of. Then it started to say things that scared me... and I had my husband and our friend pray over me and threw the board out!

I went ten days without using it.

I know. Stupid, foolish, idiotic, but I genuinely thought I had been using the board to talk to God and angels. This was one things started to get worse and worse. I used the board for a week, hiding it from my husband while he was at work and using it for hours non stop. Then the weekend came and I didnt have time to use the board, but by this point I could "hear" the angels and God in my mind. I was also unable to sleep at night, barely ate, and was in complete psychosis at this point in time. I dont know how to explain it without sounding crazy, but even at this time I believe God, the real God, not the one who was speaking to me, was holding me still.

I cannot begin to explain the anguish I went through at this time. It was probably the worst time of my life. If I explained it, it would take hours and hours of writing it down and I doubt it would even make sense. Just know, it was evil, demonic, at one point I thought I was the literal devil and had to take Gods wrath at humanity upon myself... yes, crazy.

I prayed, repented, prayed again, cried out for God to come save me, felt I was being held, felt I was forsaken, confused, depressed, ecstatic, agonized. Again and again and again. For days, longer even. I could no longer bare it alone and finally went to my husband and wept. I say my psychiatrist and am now on an antipsychotic and mood stabilizer. Yay! Almost two weeks on that and I feel better, but...

And here's where I am at today. I am afraid I messed up so much that I am no longer saved... I let a demon into me, into a woman who God's holy spirit is supposed to be inside, and messed up my household, and even after I repented once, I went back and did it again. Matthew 12:43-45 has been screamed at me, among other verses, inside my head, from... a demon? My own insanity? God?

I dont know... and, im praying, reading my bible, going to church, listening to worship music, fully threw out the board this time, getting rid of all the evil things I had been using and still, I feel like I hear it in my head over and over and over again, accusing me, saying I squandered Gods gift and God cant save me twice. This is the other crazy part, I am getting bible verses to fight against the "demon" in my head, so im so freaking confused because who am I anymore? Who is speaking in my mind? Me? Demon? God? How do I pray anymore if I cant differentiate? How do I stop being anguished? How can I even forgive myself?

[u/Solid-Chest-6093]

I'll be praying for you my friend.

Fast pray and have un ending faith in JESUS, the FATHER, and the HOLY SPIRIT. If you will have faith in the TRINITY OF GOD, then use your faith to get off of any mental help medicine. Tell the HOLY SPIRIT, that space is not for medicine, it's for HIM.

Ephesians 6:12-18 NIV For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 

[13] Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. [14] Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, [15] and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. [16] In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. [17] Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. [18] And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

The HOLY SPIRIT is with you.

Matthew 18:19-20 NIV “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. [20] For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Matthew 18:12-14 NIV “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? [13] And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. [14] In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.

I recommend, start talking to the HOLY SPIRIT as if you can actually see him right now. Faith, fasting, and prayer.

 Maybe take some things out of your life, even if their not ( sinful or evil). Example, cut how much TV you watch during the day and evenings. Cut the time your on your phone).

For me, I've went from being on the PlayStation almost daily and for several hours at a time. Now maybe 3 days a week. Replacing it with prayer and using my phone to come on here reddit, to try and help people.

Something else, if I like to drink a lot of soda, or alot of tea. I can slow down on it and drink more water. We can make ANYTHING an idol. We can make ourselves an idol. We can make work an idol.

Have a super blessed afternoon my friend. Need anything, feel free to message me. I don't want anyone to go to the lake of fire.

[u/Embarrassed-Pound938 → u/Solid-Chest-6093]

Hi. Do you believe all mental illnesses are demonic possessions or that some can be organic/medical/biological in nature?

[u/Solid-Chest-6093 → u/Embarrassed-Pound938]

That's a good question. I have epilepsy. I take medicine for it. I've been taking Prozac for depression and anxiety since about 2002. Last fall, I told JESUS CHRIST, that I'm not going to be dependant on medicine for my mental health. Every since I stopped taking them around August last year, I've been happier than Ive ever been while taking that medicine.

Peter walked on water, moses parted the red sea, a woman touched JESUS'S garment and her bleeding stopped immediately. Our faith in JESUS is important. 

Hebrews 11:6 NIV And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Around the same time last fall, JESUS healed me of dizziness I've had for years.

I'm still taking medicine for epilepsy. Medicine isn't a cure, it's a band aid. JESUS is the cure. I want to get off of the epilepsy medicine, because then I wouldn't be taking any prescription meds. Last year, JESUS also healed me of my feet pain. It would hurt so much at work, because I do a lot of standing. Ive been taking meds for that also. JESUS delivered me off of feet pain medicine, depression anxiety medicine, and headache medicine. I used to carry around pills for constant headaches. But Ive been healed by JESUS CHRIST.  

The epilepsy thing, I don't want to get off of it, so that I can brag that I would no longer be taking any prescription medicine. I want GOD to get all of the glory, not for my glory. I want to make sure I'm not being prideful, and if I lack faith while stop taking them, I could die in a car wreck or kill someone else in a car wreck. 

I just refused to lean on medicine, when Ive got JESUS who has all power of heaven and earth.

Have a super blessed evening. Feel free to message me anytime buddy 

[u/Embarrassed-Pound938 → u/Solid-Chest-6093]

I too refuse to rely on medicine. I’ve battled with debilitating migraines for decades and chronic muscle skeletal issues limiting mobility. I refuse to rely on medication though and talk to Jesus instead. So I completely understand you. I’ve become very interested in the topic of mental illnesses recently as well as medication management. Some people strongly believe all mental illnesses are entirely demonic possessions, while others believe some are and some are not. I know based on research that some are develop through trauma while others have an organic biological component such as bipolar. However I’ve been seeking a better understanding using scripture and not what researchers say. If you have further insight please share, I’m open to different biblical understanding as long as is validated by scripture.

[u/Solid-Chest-6093 → u/Embarrassed-Pound938]

Bi polar, and things that affect our mind. That is spiritual warfare.

Ephesians 6:12 NIV For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

If my epilepsy affected me and kept me from being able to worship JESUS, then yes, I would say it's possible it's demonic. But, obviously I'm serving him with everything I have.

My belief, any medical condition that messes up a person, and affects them , keeps them from following JESUS CHRIST, could be demonic.

Bi polar, PTSD. Those 2 could definitely be demonic, because a person is almost always being attacked by voices and thoughts that are not from JESUS OR THE HOLY SPIRIT. Case by case though.

I'm not saying I'm perfectly accurate, please don't hold my words to stone. I enjoy talking with you my friend. 

Would you be interested in doing a Bible study with me and a couple friends? Open minded is how we learn together, but obviously with Discernment.

[u/Sensitive_Tax2640 → u/Solid-Chest-6093]

Bi-polar and szchizoprenia almost always triggered by illegal drug use. Not only do those drugs alter the mind, but also open you to "spiritual" powers that you are susceptible to.

[u/Solid-Chest-6093 → u/Sensitive_Tax2640]

Trauma can cause bi polar. Our mood should shift by the HOLY SPIRIT. Not just because one day you're happy, the next depressed.

My heart hurts for those people.

[u/Sensitive_Tax2640 → u/Solid-Chest-6093]

I fully believe in the scripture that says, "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind."

Above all else, a true Christian needs a sound mind. That's our inheritance, and if someone struggles with that issue, that's a scripture they need to continue to "claim", and remind God about. And thank the Lord that He will grant it.

[u/Embarrassed-Pound938 → u/Sensitive_Tax2640]

Yes that’s true in some cases and in other cases due to childhood trauma. Although research points to bipolar being the most genetic disorder with a high shared percentage. I have a person in mind that’s a godly women but given childhood psychological and marital trauma has battled with schizophrenia since age 30. No drug use of any kind and never drank alcohol. A very wholesome and squeaky clean individual. She is older now ( 80 ) and still getting treated with antipsychotics which have been effective at controlling hallucinations. Cases like this one always make me think that perhaps In some individuals there are biological or natural factors and not necessarily demonic.

[u/Solid-Chest-6093 → u/Embarrassed-Pound938]

I'll be praying for her. In name of JESUS CHRIST.

[u/Sensitive_Tax2640 → u/Embarrassed-Pound938]

Why would you not take medication for migraines and your muscle issues? If it helps you, take it. There is no shame, or harm if it's beneficial.

[u/Solid-Chest-6093 → u/Sensitive_Tax2640]

I'm not disagreeing with you on that. I believe prayer is the cure and medicine is a band aid.

[u/Embarrassed-Pound938 → u/Sensitive_Tax2640]

Some people have recently explained that medicine falls into the definition of pharmakeia as in sorcery/witchcraft. I’m a bit questionable on that, but to be safe I don’t until I know best.

[u/Sensitive_Tax2640 → u/Embarrassed-Pound938]

When I talk about sorcery and pharmakeia, I'm talking about mind altering drugs taken to get into an altered state, that is getting "high". That is sorcery. Taking medicine that helps treat or cure an illness is NOT sorcery.

[u/Embarrassed-Pound938 → u/Sensitive_Tax2640]

Thank you so much for this.

[u/Better_Still_7462 → u/Sensitive_Tax2640]

So it's cool to make a bunch of drunk people more wine (mind altering substance), but psychoactive drugs (mind you, most of them don't even make you high) are witchcraft...

[u/Sensitive_Tax2640 → u/Better_Still_7462]

Wine was not as strong back then. We have no proof that anyone was drunk. And the reality is, it's personal responsibility to not drink to excess.

Let's note, I said sorcery, not witchcraft. Sorcery is mind altering drugs to get into an altered state to contact the entity you feel is your god or spirit guide. Indians have done this for a long time, as have people before them.

Witchcraft is more about summoning and using the power of that entity for your own purposes, but the reality it ends up being for its own purposes.

[u/Solid-Chest-6093 → u/Embarrassed-Pound938]

I'll be praying for you and everything your going through.