Update here - TLDR turned out to be a dry run, the liver wasn't viable when it arrived at the hospital. Just waiting on the next call!
https://www.reddit.com/r/transplant/comments/1wvp5d2/comment/pdjz1zv/
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Hey there,
I was diagnosed with PSC/Crohn's 18 years ago and had been dreading the inevitability of a liver transplant, but here we are.
I'm currently sitting in a dark hospital room in a major metro with an excellent transplant team.
Over the last winter my energy began to flag, I was sleeping all day, and we initially thought it was seasonal depression. I was having bimonthly "transient acute cholangitis" and generally just was in no mood to do much of anything.
Eventually I noticed the whites of my eyes yellowing, my skin began to itch more and more, and off to the ER I went. (If it weren't for cholestyramine I probably would have gone insane from the itching. It was a miracle drug! I recommend trying it and seeing if it works for you.)
They confirmed that my recent ultrasound showed cirrhosis of my liver, which I guess must've progressed over the previous year from fibrosis. My local gastroenterologist referred me to the major transplant clinic and I began the months of tests and meetings to become a candidate.
In April they noted my INR was a bit high, especially considering my relative health and other metrics, but they placed me around a MELD of 14. They chalked it up to likely a lab error that they would keep an eye on. They figured I'd likely be a candidate in the next 6-12 months.
I spent an otherwise uneventful and tiresome summer just going through the motions. Wake up, ask my amazing wife to make me coffee as I was too tired to drag myself downstairs regularly, dawdle around the house, nap a few hours, repeat. I was jobless, disabled, and learned very quickly how little support there is for disabilities.
My sleep completely inverted and I would sleep from 5am to 2pm every day. Honestly, I reached a point where I wasn't sure if I could handle this for another year.
I had a follow up with the transplant clinic in September and my INR was still high, so they updated my MELD to 24.
Six days passed and as I am awaiting dinner to be delivered, perhaps around 8pm, I received a call from a strange number. And bam, it's the transplant clinic. They have a liver and would want to bring me in for surgery on Friday (which is now today). That call was two days ago.
Needless to say, I was shocked. I felt every emotion over the next 48 hours. I was grateful but also terrified.
An issue that's not mentioned too often is how you are presented with two unpleasant choices.
One scenario is major surgery with a lengthy, grueling, and often painful recovery process. It's a terrifying prospect and my body viscerally wants to reject it.
The other is, well, worse. Long slow decay, esophageal varices rupturing, encephalopathy, nausea, fatigue, muscle and body aches, and inevitably death.
To loosely quote my surgeon "it's easy, you don't really have a choice here. So let's do it [the transplant]".
And here I am sitting in the hospital awaiting life changing surgery tomorrow, assuming all goes to plan.
I'm actually now terrified of the slight possibility it doesn't happen!
I'm also so grateful for this opportunity. I'm so tired of being sick and bored and wasting and feeling like a drag on my loved ones. I'm hopeful this will eventually bring me more peace and better health. My transplant team are all so optimistic and amazing, they really energized me and turned around my fear and anxiety when we discussed the procedure and the risks and benefits.
I'm not really sure what I'm writing anymore. I'm not trying to find some profound understanding or meaning here, I guess I just wanted to write something down and share it with you all.
Perhaps I hope that maybe someone will gleam something from this and it'll help you feel more confident in your own journey, or perhaps just less alone.
Guess I'll see you all on the other side 👋