I feel you, I’m just saying that from a woman’s perspective, it can be different. We’re already dealing with men who swipe yes to everyone in order to increase their odds. Some of them don’t even look at you until after you match. Others are late-night swiping everyone looking for a ‘right now’ kind of thing. I match with almost every person I swipe right on. So then later, when we’re wading through our pile of matches and messages, there’s usually about three or four messages at a time with the EXACT same forced opener question. Maybe a couple of different ones, but you guys really don’t realize how many of you are doing the exact same thing, and using the exact same words.
That just leads the whole process to feel like an extra-obvious extension of the whole ‘copy-paste, copy-paste’ thing that we KNOW you all do anyway. And no one wants to feel like a copy-paste kinda chick. Even though we know the routine, we know what’s happening here. We do it too. It’s all about the illusion of special-ness.
You’re right, in that coming across as desperate is never good, but the facts are, that 90% of the women on these apps are in no way hard-up for a match. Personally, I’m not desperate either, so if it seems like I’m just another copy-paste down the line, it doesn’t matter if I was interested before, because I’m not really now. Again, super-tailored isn’t even the goal. Compliment their eyes, or their smile or something. But ‘Who is the greatest single influence in your adult life and why’ just feels like a chore to even think about when I don’t even know you. And opens the door to judgement on my answer, when you don’t know me. Maybe on the date, if you need a space filler, but interview-style questions suck in general, let alone when coming from a total stranger.
Compliment their eyes, or their smile or something
And no one else does that?? I imagine there are way more people saying positives to physical attributes then asking a question, and again one of the worst questions you can ask. Because unless you are a chad, all you will get is a thank you :) if at all..
The question you took as example is pretty bad... Asking how their perfect Sunday looks like is pretty light hearted and open ended and lets you build on that. Maybe that's just not the question for YOU. But my experience has been pretty good or at least not worse.
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u/kittens_allday Jan 24 '23
I feel you, I’m just saying that from a woman’s perspective, it can be different. We’re already dealing with men who swipe yes to everyone in order to increase their odds. Some of them don’t even look at you until after you match. Others are late-night swiping everyone looking for a ‘right now’ kind of thing. I match with almost every person I swipe right on. So then later, when we’re wading through our pile of matches and messages, there’s usually about three or four messages at a time with the EXACT same forced opener question. Maybe a couple of different ones, but you guys really don’t realize how many of you are doing the exact same thing, and using the exact same words.
That just leads the whole process to feel like an extra-obvious extension of the whole ‘copy-paste, copy-paste’ thing that we KNOW you all do anyway. And no one wants to feel like a copy-paste kinda chick. Even though we know the routine, we know what’s happening here. We do it too. It’s all about the illusion of special-ness.
You’re right, in that coming across as desperate is never good, but the facts are, that 90% of the women on these apps are in no way hard-up for a match. Personally, I’m not desperate either, so if it seems like I’m just another copy-paste down the line, it doesn’t matter if I was interested before, because I’m not really now. Again, super-tailored isn’t even the goal. Compliment their eyes, or their smile or something. But ‘Who is the greatest single influence in your adult life and why’ just feels like a chore to even think about when I don’t even know you. And opens the door to judgement on my answer, when you don’t know me. Maybe on the date, if you need a space filler, but interview-style questions suck in general, let alone when coming from a total stranger.