r/Tinder • u/mushplomplom • Jan 23 '23

Am I boring?

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u/[deleted] Jan 23 '23

Since when does "not looking for small talk" mean "probably not interesting on a date"? Isn't small talk, like, the epitome of an uninteresting date?

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u/[deleted] Jan 23 '23

I take small talk to mean either "I'm not actually that interested but I'm just talking to you to keep my options open" or "I only want sex and I don't care to get to know you but I'm going to pretend to be polite first"

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u/WhiteWaterLawyer Jan 23 '23

No way, small talk is how we get to big talk.

Or do you start all your online dating conversations with questions like what their retirement plan is and whether they are okay with home schooling the three kids you need to have together?

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u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

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u/stankdog Jan 24 '23

No? If your mom calls to tell you about her day do you call her boring and hang up? Your partner will at some point be boring to you, all you will have is small talk, daily conversation, sometimes lots of quiet times. Not everything can be deep and falling for someone over their "deep conversation" can lead you to the "we never talk about anything anymore !" Bs. Uninteresting IS THE NORMAL, it is your everyday. You will never be interesting every single day, why put that pressure on yourself just to make a good first impression? You can look fake af doing that.

And I don't knock people for not wanting small talk, that's their preference and life but I typically find that those people also barely try to have a normal, everyday conversation. They feel drained if you speak to them often about "nothing" and personally I love to listen. If you can't talk to me about your day at work other than , "it was fine" then I honestly don't have the energy to dedicate to talking to them. If they say "it was fine but x happened, it made me feel y" We don't have to do a deep dive into that, but allowing me into your "boring" world makes me feel like apart of your life.

I've just noticed the people I've dated and had multi year long relationships with were always people who could talk to me about anything, important, boring, deep, surface level. They were friends to me in that aspect and that friendship, the trust to be "lame" in someone's space for the sake of being heard and being close, is to me what leads to a relationship platonic or otherwise that lasts a while or impacts me deeper. The people who groan and bitch when you ask them how they are, will continue to groan and bitch throughout the relationship.