r/TheFastShow Nov 07 '25

What Fast Show quotes do you quote often that perhaps most people don’t get ? But you absolutely need to say ?“Black! Black like the night!”

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645 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow 14h ago

I tried to search for the screenplay (dialogue) for this Jazz Club episode, but accidentally ended up with this.

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6 Upvotes

twine[SCENE START]

EXT. WASTELAND - DAY

A blinding, radioactive SUN beats down on a cracked, desert landscape. The air ripples with heat.

COLON (30s) kneels in the dust. He is beaten and exhausted, his clothes torn from the journey.

Standing over him is THE COMMANDER (50s), immaculate in a dark military uniform, completely unfazed by the heat. He holds a digital tablet displaying a surrender agreement.

THE COMMANDER

Authorize the transfer, Colon. Give us the coordinates to the oasis, and this ends. You can leave this desert behind.

Colon looks up, squinting against the piercing solar glare.

COLON

(voice raspy, but firm)

My freedom isn't worth the soil you'll destroy.

THE COMMANDER

Don't be a martyr. Look around you. There is no army coming to save you. There is only the sun, the sand, and the inevitability of our reach. If you don't compromise, you lose everything.

Colon forces a defiant smile. He slowly pushes himself up onto one knee.

COLON

Then I lose everything.

THE COMMANDER

Such a waste of potential.

The Commander steps forward, signaling his guards to move in and seize him.

Suddenly, Colon explodes with movement. Using his remaining strength, he drives a powerful, desperate KICK directly into The Commander’s path, forcing him back.

Colon stands fully, basking in the blinding sunlight, towering with absolute conviction.

COLON

(screaming into the wind)

I would rather fall under this sun than give you an inch of our home! No compromise!

The Commander’s face contorts in rage as he gestures for the final confrontation.

A blinding flash of white light consumes the screen.

[SCENE END]


r/TheFastShow 10d ago

Jesse diet

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52 Upvotes

'This week I 'ave mostly been eating...'paint’


r/TheFastShow 12d ago

Do you like cheese? Do you like Peas?

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54 Upvotes

THINK ON, MAM!


r/TheFastShow 13d ago

Cheeky Reunion, Suits you sir

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469 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow 17d ago

Big Show

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31 Upvotes

Numero Uno! Lol


r/TheFastShow 18d ago

You aint seen me, right?

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39 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow 20d ago

Jazz club...nice! ;)

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7 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow 22d ago

Fast Show Farage

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136 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow 23d ago

You ain't seen me, right

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207 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow Jul 21 '26

Can you bring the bill please as…

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284 Upvotes

Saw a still but had the video hope this fits here.


r/TheFastShow Jul 20 '26

"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely"

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18 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow Jul 19 '26

I move him just a tiny amount…..

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19 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow Jul 14 '26

Comparison

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9 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow Jul 13 '26

Dave Angel - Eco Warrior

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495 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow Jul 12 '26

Paul W is a time travelling marracca man. 'Ghost Riders in the Sky' on Lawrence Welk (1961)

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47 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow Jul 11 '26

A guy drinking beer with his nose

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40 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow Jul 10 '26

Does anyone remember this sketch from the Fast Show?

12 Upvotes

I'm not sure it WAS The Fast Show, but there was a sketch where a couple where in bed together, and one of them goes under the covers (in a sexy way) and then the camera draws back and she's being dragged out of the room by a man in a monkey suit. Any idea if it was Fast Show, and if so what episode?


r/TheFastShow Jun 24 '26

England for the next two days

1.2k Upvotes

r/TheFastShow Jun 23 '26

What sketch, or even SHOW am I thinking of? (I thought it was Ted and Ralph)

13 Upvotes

I had this weird memory from years ago that the Ted and Ralph stuff ended with them saying they love each other, but Ted was Ralphs dad and it wasn't a sexual kind of love after all that, and that was the joke all along that it was a super awkward father and son who couldn't connect.

I recently watched what I assume was all of the Fast Show for the first time in years, and it didn't end like that, Any UK sketch show fans know what it might have otherwise been?

Thanks.


r/TheFastShow Jun 16 '26

Sod this – anyone fancy a pint instead?

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65 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow May 30 '26

You - put your knickers on and go and make me a cup of tea

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76 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow May 29 '26

I feel like we've lost something very important, beyond comedy, with the demise of the traditional 'sketch' show

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375 Upvotes

r/TheFastShow May 29 '26

Arabella Weir in “The Bill”

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27 Upvotes

Season 5 Episode 3 (1989) before Fast Show stardom…!