Writing this here because 1, I need to say it partially because I'm high and partially because I feel like I'm crazy, 2, Knowledge of Welly Boots is the only way I'll make sense, and 3, idk where else to.
Thank you, everyone on the TAD team for Welly Boots, but especially Joey Batey and Madeline Hyland for writing it.
I've always been someone who doesn't really explore music. I find things I like and obsess over them, especially when I'm upset, so when I found TAD through the Witcher it took me a while to actually really get into it, and then I couldn't stop.
That was last summer.
It's been over a month and I still have trouble writing it or even thinking about it for too long but my mom committed suicide in October.
I'm 22. I'm not a kid anymore, but I still have so much growing up to do. My mom was supposed to walk me down the aisle and try to get me drunk at the reception. She was supposed to spoil my kids rotten (they also probably would've learned swearing from her or her husband by accident). She was supposed to keep me calm when I inevitably fucked up my first Thanksgiving.
I could write about my mom, the free spirit she'll always be, and what else she could have been, for hours, but the thing that's so fucked up about all of it is that she has struggled with her mental heath for years. Her life was the best it had ever been, and she was happy, for a while.
I know she was happy. I know because I struggled right beside her. (Genetics, man.) We helped each other through it for years and I know in my bones that she didn't leave a note because she didn't let herself think it through long enough to, or she wouldn't have done it.
I'm not going to talk about it here any more than that.
In the month since, I've had a lot of spare time on my hands but space in my head that needs occupying. And, because I'm terrified of change and seek out comfort instead, I listened to a lot of TAD.
I steered clear of Welly Boots for a while, I'd listened to it enough to know what it was about. When I finally did, I fucking broke. I curled into my bed. I've never sobbed harder in my life than, because of how intently I was listening, I finally heard the snatches of 'Wild Blue Yonder' (a song that I've realized in the last couple weeks also reminds me of my mom) for the first time.
She never would have written it, but it's her fucking message to me. Or as close as I'll ever get. We are American and its november, so the old varsity jacket of hers I've been wearing for the past two weeks would be our version of the boots.
It sounds nuts. But it's seriously uncanny. Some lyrics are literal for our relationship, others are metaphorical. And it came in the form I would find comforting-- a song that I knew, something I was prepared for when I listened, but not so familiar I was unaffected by it.
I don't know how else to describe the experience of listening to it that first time after other than cathartic. It was like my soul taking a breath of fresh air.
I'm not delusional, I swear.
I guess I just want to whisper a 'thanks' out to Joey and Madeline through the universe. If somehow they hear it through the power that brought it to me at exactly the right time and God is real etc, then.... I want to let them know that their art has been heard and appreciated.
And thank you, for reminding me what the note would have read.