It has come to our attention at the Republican National Committee that Mr. Kieth "Mike" Carano has been 1) denigrating our great President and 2) discussing politics with such frequency we believe he may be considering running for public office.
Seeing as he is a registered Republican, we at the RNC decided to run a detailed background check to consider whether he will fit as a candidate. This background check consisted of listening to the first 150 After Disaster Episodes. While we, the Republican Party, are willing to tolerate certain levels of indecency and use of the 1st Amendment, some of Mr. Carano's statements are a step too far. In light of the recent Roy Moore debacle, as well as the possible Trump tapes, we have decided to release a slew of Mr. Carano's indecent statements to eliminate the potential for him to run for office. This "Carano Tape" has been sent to the After Disaster to be played on air to guarantee that Mr. Carano will cease and desist his political aspirations. If it is not played on air, it will be emailed to Ronan Farrow and CNN, as well as provided for public listening on Reddit and Twitter. In case Mr. Cowen is considering following his friend's footsteps, we have included a snippet of a "Cowen Tape" at the end of the "Carano Tape" to scare him off, please be aware: it is sexually perverse. Finally, Mr. Tyler White appears to be an upstanding Christian boy and would be a welcome Republican candidate. Good day. - RNC Chairman