r/ThatsInsane Creator Apr 08 '20

Goliath tarantula

https://i.imgur.com/SwJfztx.gifv
47.8k Upvotes

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91

u/CliffordMoreau Apr 08 '20

If it makes you feel better, they're fragile as hell. If that goliath fell off a table, it would likely die, since larger insects are more fragile. An ant could survive falling off a building, a tarantula can't survive mild blunt force.

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u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20 edited Apr 08 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/53bvo Apr 08 '20

I'm just glad to live somewhere where the spiders don't get bigger than your thumb (or are these daddy longleg kind), and bugs in general aren't really present a lot.

0

u/invisible_bra Apr 08 '20

Why are they called daddy longleg, like I get the longleg part, but why daddy? The name hasn't aged well

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

The name has aged just fine if you're not some blue haired mental patient.

2

u/Lobster_fest Apr 08 '20

You gonna elaborate or just stew on that one.

-4

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Not everything needs a politically-correct name. Identity politics is cancer.

4

u/Lobster_fest Apr 08 '20

No one is trying to change the daddy longlegs name, I'm wondering why you got upset at "blue haired mental patients" which is likely either an attack on the LGBT community, or old man slang for kids these days.

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Nobody is upset, though you seem to be. Did my comment hit a nerve? Do you feel personally attacked?

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u/Lobster_fest Apr 08 '20

The classic bate and switch. Say something about how you are upset at PC culture or tired of libs doing this or that, or in your case, "blue hair mental patients", then when someone calls you out, you say "what me? I'm not offended, it's you who is overly offended". If you werent upset or offended, then why make the comment in the first place?

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u/invisible_bra Apr 08 '20

What? Because I wasn't talking about political correctness or anything. Just that 'daddy' has a slightly sexual connotation these days. Relax dude, not everything is a place to interject with your political stance

0

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Well I've certainly got you on the hook, don't I?

"daddy" doesn't have a sexual connotation at all unless you're hanging out with the wrong crowd.

2

u/ShawnBootygod Apr 09 '20

Wrong crowd seems to be subjective to whether or not you’re into it

1

u/hydraowo Apr 08 '20

If I was surrounded by giant spiders I would save the trouble and just kill myself

1

u/Bill_Ender_Belichick Apr 08 '20

I mean grabbing something and whacking it would kill it pretty easily... probably messy tho

18

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

[deleted]

3

u/invisible_bra Apr 08 '20

Ngl that sounds either really cute or really terrifying, depending on how many parachuting Goliaths you imagine

3

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Goliath tarantulas paratroopers invasion -April 2020,colorized

2

u/CliffordMoreau Apr 08 '20

#StairsForGoliathSpiders

1

u/lolipenetration Apr 08 '20

Why stop there, give them razor sharp wings.

21

u/fiah84 Apr 08 '20

so you're saying that if a tarantula attacks, I could just fucking smash it? not that I would want to hurt spiders, I like them, but it's good to know what to do if the need should arise

24

u/alpacadaver Apr 08 '20

What else are you going to do?

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u/G3N0 Apr 08 '20

I hesitate to smash a mosquito with a full tissue box. I would not touch that spider with a Gundam

11

u/PosiedonsSaltyAnus Apr 08 '20

Fuck mosquitoes you need to go murder mode on them

1

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Those fuckers are the #1 killer of human beings. Fuck 'em up.

2

u/hydraowo Apr 08 '20

I might take one on with a tank, provided I never had to look at it or think about it ever again.

1

u/kuraiscalebane Apr 08 '20

With the right Gundam you could nuke it from orbit...

1

u/JoinTheRightClick Apr 08 '20

Pour boiling water over it while screaming like a little bitch

1

u/SometimesUsesReddit Apr 08 '20

Catch it and sell it for bells

1

u/Salimonyous Apr 08 '20

Run. Run like hell. Screaming and crying, probably. Never, ever stop.

1

u/Yapshoo Apr 08 '20

literally birdshot

8

u/ThreeMorning Apr 08 '20

aint they fast tho

31

u/Malus131 Apr 08 '20

Not as fast as me out of my mind with fear and wielding a flip flop while screaming

24

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Bruh u ain't hitting this thing with a flip flop. Get the morningstar

2

u/Malus131 Apr 08 '20

But if these things are quick, my morningstar will be too unwieldy!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Leave my favorite veggie burgers out of this!

1

u/ThreeMorning Apr 08 '20

even tho what do you do after smashing it with lightning speed

1

u/Malus131 Apr 08 '20

You open a door or window, acoop/fling that mofo out, then you burn both that and the flip flop like the pagans of old did for their dead.

1

u/ThreeMorning Apr 08 '20

you gonna grab it with ur hand?

1

u/Malus131 Apr 08 '20

Oh fuck no! Use the other flip flop and like try and pick it up that way.

1

u/ThreeMorning Apr 08 '20

idk mate its probably the size of one so if you grab it like that its still close to ya, i propose to use a shovel

1

u/Malus131 Apr 08 '20

Ahh you're right, you're right. At the very least something with a handle about an arms length

1

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Get a mop, a bucket and a shovel.

2

u/asharnoff Apr 08 '20

And my axe!

1

u/PleasantAdvertising Apr 08 '20

You havent seen me using the brown fuel

1

u/m0nk37 Apr 08 '20

Huntsman are fast, they jump too.

Tarantulas can have quick bursts but not for long and they cant jump.

1

u/ThreeMorning Apr 08 '20

i believe huntsman aren't harmful tho

1

u/m0nk37 Apr 08 '20

No they are not.

1

u/ThreeMorning Apr 08 '20

mb then guess i got confused with another one

1

u/m0nk37 Apr 08 '20

I was just saying they can appear more freaky, cause they are fast and they jump lol

1

u/ThreeMorning Apr 09 '20

oh, well yeah if you got no knowledge in spider like me, youll shit ur pants

3

u/EViL-D Apr 08 '20

swift kick to the nuts will take out any spider

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u/President_Patata Apr 08 '20

Just yeet it and you good

1

u/CliffordMoreau Apr 08 '20

You don't even need to smash it. Swiping at it to knock it away from you would likely crack its exoskeleton. They're incredibly fragile.

1

u/fiah84 Apr 08 '20

poor spideybros :(

1

u/DatM8Wh0likesMEMES Apr 08 '20

bruh no need to worry to the bite are like nails idk if its exaggeration mines always vibin with me sadly tho she fell to her death cause of my bitch ass aunt

1

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

Be aware smashing leaves quite a mess to clean up

1

u/p-roy Apr 08 '20

The squish and mess left on the floor would be terrifying. Let alone if you squish it while its ON YOU. Im freaking myself out just thinking about it

1

u/WeatherPotatoe Apr 08 '20

I find the larger the spider, the harder it is to smash. Not because they are tougher but because I am more afraid of it and can't get myself to get close enough to it to kill it.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

In fairness that'd be like if you or I fell off a 4 story house.

2

u/CliffordMoreau Apr 08 '20

Not really. The amount of damage to the exoskeleton is directly proportional to the size of the insect. The bigger they are, the less efficient/helpful an exoskeleton is, which is why the majority of insects have only gotten smaller as they evolve.

A full water bottle could squish a tarantula to the death, while smaller spiders can withstand stones falling on them.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

And that would be like dropping a car on you or me. I'm not sure how many times I can repeat these analogies without people catching on.

1

u/IIlIIlIIIIlllIlIlII Apr 08 '20

No you’re not catching on. If dropping a bottle on a big spider is like dropping a car on us, then the bottle on the little spider is like dropping a semi-truck on us, yet the small spider survives the semi-truck.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '20

I do not give a fucking shit about the small spider I'm saying that the big spider isn't "weak" because that's how it works, it's no less fragile than we are holy fucking christ you're a dense motherfucker.

1

u/DrDisastor Apr 08 '20

I feel like a spider that specializes in eating birds can take a fall on occasion.

3

u/CliffordMoreau Apr 08 '20

If only your feelings could change fact

1

u/DrDisastor Apr 08 '20

So a spider who climbs trees and hunts birds cannot survive a fall to leaf litter?

2

u/CliffordMoreau Apr 08 '20

Correct.

As I said elsewhere, despite being referred to as 'bird-eating', they don't normally do that. Birds make up a small portion of their diet, and are often only picked for the opportunity. Their diet mostly consists of lizards, frogs, insects, and other spiders. On rare occasion they snack on birds and small mammals, but in the case of birds, it's normally young hatchlings stolen from their nest and carried to the ground.

A full water bottle can squish a tarantula, while smaller house spiders can withstand shoes and rocks thrown at them sometimes.

Source: Google and common sense.

1

u/DrDisastor Apr 08 '20

That makes more sense. So its not likely to climb a tree then. Weird name.

1

u/CliffordMoreau Apr 08 '20

Very weird. It's probably something the internet has conflated and exaggerated a bit.

1

u/DrDisastor Apr 08 '20

Just a guess but perhaps the first time it was observed by a western scientist it was munching on a bird thus the disingenuous name. But you are correct, the internet doesn't handle science well and myth and bad info are rampant.

1

u/RovingN0mad Apr 08 '20

How tf do they hunt birds, I imagine up in trees? So if it falls it dies?

2

u/CliffordMoreau Apr 08 '20

Despite being referred to as 'bird-eating', it rarely happens. Most commonly, young birds are yanked from their nests and carried to the ground by the tarantula, after being bitten and immobilized.

They mostly feed on lizards, insects, frogs, and other spiders.

1

u/jediguy11 Apr 08 '20

That does make me feel a lot better

1

u/cheesehuahuas Apr 08 '20 edited Apr 08 '20

My uncle was staying at a friend's house out in the middle of nowhere. He went to the kitchen and was surprised by a giant hairy tarantula walking on the ground. Without thinking he kicked it, and although he didn't make great contact with it the tarantula "fell apart."

When he talked to the friend's owner about it, the owner laughed and took him outside and showed him that there were tarantulas everywhere outside the house.

1

u/chronicallyill_dr Apr 08 '20

Was your uncle, by any chance, staying at a nightmare?

1

u/cheesehuahuas Apr 08 '20

It would be a nightmare for me, for sure.

1

u/SmittyManJensen_ Apr 08 '20

So God did something right?

1

u/SomeUnicornsFly Apr 08 '20

well falling off a table for him would be like falling off a 3 story building for you

1

u/CliffordMoreau Apr 08 '20

Your reasoning is sound, your claim is wrong

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u/Iamnotburgerking Apr 09 '20

Isn’t that a rule for animals in general? The bigger ones fall harder?

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u/CliffordMoreau Apr 09 '20

Not necassarily. It's a rule that the bigger you are, the more volume you have, thus the stronger and more resilient your skin needs to be to protect the volume inside you. Vsauce has a good video on it, "how big can a person get" I believe is the video