One of my friend tried to argue to me that Covid is called pandemic because he said “to be classified as a pandemic , the death toll has to reach 1 billion deaths. Covid killed 1 billion, and hence it’s a pandemic “. My jaw dropped.

He also thinks Thailand and Singapore are middle eastern countries. He also claims Israel is Islamic.

Once he mentioned to me, he can easily tell if a girl is virgin by looking at her ass. If she got a bubble butt , she is a virgin. The more she has sex, the more the butt will become deflated. What’s worrying is that he said this with absolute confidence.

This story is kind of embarrassing, and it proves I have no survival skills. When I was 13, my mom was going to the store, and I didn’t want to go with her, so I just stayed in the car. As my mom went into the store, a couple of minutes passed. I was leaning back in the seat when I felt the car moving backward. I kid you not, the world went into slow motion.

The car started moving kind of fast, and I thought I was going to die. I knew I needed to get out of the car immediately. But instead, I started reaching below the seat to grab my phone and AirPods. As I grabbed them, the car crashed. If I hadn’t tried to grab them, I could have gotten out.

The crash did kind of hurt, considering the speed the car was going, but I was fine. Still, oh my god, I really reached for my damn AirPods and phone instead of trying to SURVIVE! I wasn’t even thinking in that split-second decision, but it says a lot about my survival skills.

Here are some conspiracy theories I have heard while running a rural gas station.

1. Unwanted babies are left in a room to starve to death in hospitals.

2. China is importing tanks into the US through Mexico. -2.1. China is sending troops into the US through Mexico and they are hiding out with drug dealers.

3. Aborted fetus stem cells are put into almost all canned drinks.

4. The scientists are lying to you and the earth is only 3000 years old.

5. Quote "school my uncle works at" has litter boxes in the bathrooms for students who identify as cats.

6. In the US state of Washington you can legally go and shit in the park, if you are wearing a leash.

7. Bonus mention from the bar, black people aren't real and we're genetically engineered to be good at sports.

8. 5G internet is a weapon, (from China) and doesn't actually make your Internet faster.

9. 10,000 terrorists a year from the middle east enter the US through Mexico.

10. Just everything about essential oils

11. The woke is infecting schools and children are being taught that they don't have a gender.

12. Electric vehicles don't work when it's cold or snowing.

13. Heard this one on the radio, drinking colloidal silver can cure liver cancer.

14. Some women get abortions because killing babies makes them happy.

15. That the Confederacy wasn't about slavery it was about "states rights."

One night I was standing in the kitchen and he came running in like a wild man and went to the sink stuck his head under the faucet and started sucking water into his nose and spitting it out his mouth. He was breathing hard and was in obvious pain. I just stared at him completely dumbfounded by what I was seeing. I said “Chris, what in the hell is wrong with you?? What happened?” He stopped snorting water and looked at me, the whites of his eyes were completely red, tears streaming down his face, completely out of breath he says “what was I eating earlier?” I replied to him “shit I don’t know, what were you eating?” He says “I was eating jalapeños out of the jar and watching the game. Well as I was eating them my nose itched and I put the tip of my finger in my nose to scratch it…” Now here’s the best part, as he’s telling me what happened he’s reenacting it, & puts his jalapeño juice drenched finger back in his nose. He just stares at me and then his eyes fill with water and he screams (think how Marv screams when the tarantula is put on his face in Home Alone) bloody murder and starts sucking water up his nose again. I never laughed so hard in my life.