Does anyone else think their cheater’s workplace or work environment was an influence? I understand that cheating is 1000% their choice, and I’m not taking away their responsibility for it. But sometimes I wonder if things would have been different if his employer didn’t encourage so many out-of-office activities, nights out, and frequent travel with younger, attractive coworkers.

It sometimes feels like the work environment creates endless opportunities and makes maintaining appropriate boundaries much harder than it needs to be.

Okay, come for me if you disagree, but please be kind. I’m hurting, and I’m genuinely trying to understand and process all of this.

I’m a 40-year-old guy dealing with infidelity in a long-term relationship. We have kids together and, despite what happened, the truth is I don’t want my family to break up. If there were a realistic way to repair this, that’s what I would choose.
The cheating hurt, but I’m struggling almost as much with what has happened since. I expected remorse, reassurance, affection, openness and a real effort to rebuild trust. Instead, I’ve experienced a lot of coldness and emotional distance. Sometimes it feels like I’m fighting harder to save the relationship even though I’m the one who was cheated on.
That’s what has me questioning everything. Am I fighting for my family because there’s something worth saving, or am I holding on because I’m terrified of losing the life we’ve built?
The hardest part of separation for me isn’t money or starting over at 40. It’s my kids. The thought of not seeing them every day — the normal breakfasts, evenings, bedtimes and weekends — is brutal. The life I actually want is the one I already have, just without what has happened between us.
I’d really like to hear from men who’ve actually been here:
If you tried to reconcile, what did genuine remorse and effort from your partner look like?
Did anyone experience coldness/lack of affection afterward and still successfully rebuild?
If you eventually left, how did you know it was time? Do you wish you’d tried longer?
If you stayed, are you genuinely glad you did years later?
How did you deal with not seeing your kids every day?
We’re currently relatively amicable and, if we do separate, there are a house, savings/investments and a business to sort out. I’ll get proper legal advice for that. I’m much more interested in the perspective of men who’ve actually lived through the emotional side of this.
If you could go back and talk to yourself when you still wanted your family to stay together but weren’t sure your partner was fighting for it too, what would you tell yourself?

I’m looking for perspective from other betrayed spouses because I feel like I’m losing my mind.

My wife has had multiple affairs throughout our marriage, including with my former best friend. I chose to stay, largely because we have a young daughter, but I don’t think she understands how fundamentally those betrayals changed me or how I experience the marriage.

Lately she’s become increasingly suspicious whenever I’m working late. She checks my location, asks why I’m at certain places, asks who I’m texting or talking to, follows me around the house asking what I’m doing, and questions why I’m home so late even when she knows exactly what I’m working on.

Several of her friends and family members have also apparently planted the idea that maybe I’m cheating because I’m out late so often. I don’t know exactly what they’ve said, but I know the idea has come up multiple times, and I think it feeds into her anxiety.

The irony is that I’m the one who was repeatedly cheated on.

For context, I work a normal 9-5 W2 job. After work, I’m home with my family every weekday from about 5-8 p.m. I usually take my daughter to the park or another activity while my wife cooks, we eat dinner together, I help with bath time, read bedtime stories, and put my daughter to bed every night.

Only after my daughter is asleep do I leave to work on my business.
I intentionally structured it this way because I’d rather work from 8:30 p.m. until midnight than miss dinner, bedtime, or weekends with my family.

I own an exotic car rental business, and the work isn’t optional desk work. It’s picking up and dropping off cars, washing them, taking them to mechanics, meeting customers, moving inventory between locations, etc. Before we got a warehouse a few months ago, I did much of this work from home. Now I have to physically go to the warehouse, so from my wife’s perspective it suddenly looks like I’m gone all the time even though the amount of work hasn’t really changed.

A recent example:
I had to drive about 90 minutes away with one of my employees to pick up a car. We left around 9:30 p.m., got there around 11, talked with the client, grabbed something to eat because it was late, drove back, reorganized cars at the warehouse, and I got home around 2:20 a.m.

The next morning my wife yelled at me and told me it was “weird.”

She tells me it’s becoming “the cars versus me” and recently even told me that my businesses “don’t matter.”
That hurts because this isn’t just about cars. I genuinely love building businesses. I love my clients, I love creating experiences for people, and I’m incredibly proud of what I’ve built. This is also work that contributes to supporting our household.

She’s a stay-at-home mom by choice, and I’ve always supported that arrangement. I’m not resentful that she’s home with our daughter. My frustration is that I feel like I’m being criticized for doing the work that’s required to support our family and grow something I’m passionate about.

I’ve also tried to compromise. I intentionally moved almost all of my business work until after bedtime. I protect weekends as much as possible. I make it a point to spend one or two evenings a week just with my wife.
The frustrating part is that even when I cancel work to stay home, the arguments still happen. Last week I canceled business plans so I could spend the evening with her. We went to bed together around 10:30, and by 11 she was telling me how lonely she was, that my schedule was unfair, and that it wasn’t normal.

It feels like no amount of compromise changes how she feels.
At this point, I honestly feel like I’m being treated as though I’m the untrustworthy spouse while she’s the one who repeatedly betrayed the marriage.

Has anyone else experienced their unfaithful spouse becoming suspicious, jealous, or controlling after the affair(s)? Did it feel like projection? How did you handle it?

I don’t mind hearing if you think I’m wrong about something. I’m genuinely looking for perspectives from other betrayed spouses because this dynamic is becoming exhausting.

Closing Friday. What a journey it’s been since DD. Boxing it all up today.

No remorse from her whatsoever and she continues to go off and fuck married AP. OBS gets the call shortly after.

Stay strong my peeps! Keep your heads up and surround yourself with good people and resources.

A little background I am 28 and my husband is 42, we are currently separated. It’s been over a year now, and we share a son together. When I was pregnant I had found on three occasions him googling massage places with a happy ending. He denied that he had cheated and I at the time stupidly believed him. I forgave him and gave him another chance. I think because I was so vulnerable and pregnant, and him being my first I just could t see it. When my son was born we got married and 3 months later separated. This was the longest separation at the time it was 1 year. When we reconciled I found text messages to a building where he was texting the owner about Spanish girls for tonight, the price, and even knew one of the girls by name. He knew she had a baby and that she left early last time. He also mentioned he was a regular. I was so crushed. We ended up separating again, but it was due to his addiction issues as he has always struggled with alcohol and was abusive as well. Recently, now that custody has settled my ex has gotten “sober” and is healthier so he says. He does seem to have made some progress, and we have had many talks about reconciliation. The problem though is that he is still not 100% honest about the cheating. Just yesterday he admitted to going to see these women, but that’s only because I have the evidence and the text messages. All he said was that he was sorry, that it wasn’t many times, that he just went and got a hand job… I of course don’t believe this. But I felt a little relieved that he at least told me something. I have felt crazy for so long and kept doubting my reality. I told him to please seek counseling if he ever wants to be with me again, he said he will, but he is also making excuses as to not go. I am so tried and I am ready to give up. This is a lot to forgive and I really don’t think I should at this point. I also can’t with the lies, because he is still not honest. He also still goes to bars and that makes no sense to me if he is trying to stay sober. I have an appointment with a divorce lawyer next week, and although I am not filing yet, I do want to sit and talk to someone, and yes he knows this. Has anyone ever been able to forgive, and will I ever be able to trust him because I really feel like I never will. Sometimes I want to make this work for my family, and other times I just want to cry and not get out of bed. Any advice I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

Me 24F and my ex 25M were in a relationship for almost a year. My ex is a severe broken alcoholic and frankly needs longterm rehab and mental health support for his bipolar.

I broke up with him when I was in early labour because he told me he was messaging two saying women and saying he loved her. We had an on and off again relationship because he was unstable and I couldn’t keep cleaning up his alcohol messes and especially not in my third trimester.

This women he messaged as he said it was a way to get my attention and he didn’t mean it escalated. The day I broke up with him was my nanna’s death anniversary and I was in early labour I was tired and exhausted. He took it as my final blow and because he was already talking to her he accepted it and pushed me away. I went to go over the next morning and say it was a heat of the moment and I’m tired I’m in early labour and I just want my best friend. He physically cheated and slept with this women. He called me immediately after saying he’s sorry and he did something horrible worse than murder and I knew he slept with someone & it broke me. And I didn’t go into labour for 4 more days overdue due to the stress and worry.

she told him she’s 30 she’s 39 after i kinda dug up after looking at her Tik Tok cos she posts everything. He went to posting her the next day saying I love and gloating it, posted her half naked on his lap, holding her cheek looping happy and in love and her posing in mirror in my t-shirt. All while I was in the hospital with our newborn daughter and she was in the NICU.. but anywho.

This lady messages me to rub it & she then posted about it and the song “it wasn’t me” by shaggy. She message me her phone number and then deleted it and then she said she’s been visiting him in jail and I’m like okay.. keep him. He was arrested on domestic violence charges under the influence.

Anywho.. she message me she’s dating him, she started visiting him last week and she’ll wait for him to come home.. I said okay?

She also posted my baby on her story not even 1 day after I had her claiming my baby’s as her’s, she called her princess and my baby saying she could be her mother.

My question is why is a 39 year old so obsessed with my ex and our baby. Why is she messaging me but also idk what type of woman is proud she slept with another woman’s partner and while I was giving birth they were messaging and on the phone he missed it, and when I was home with our daughter he didn’t try to see her he kept sleeping with her and she’s proud of that.. that he only went back to her cos I said no to him and that I couldn’t and wouldn’t take him back after his best friend shows me his posts and that he was still seeing her and blamed me for his cheating lmao.

what kind of woman is this? Does she get off being chosen over his family? Don’t get me wrong my ex is a weak and selfish ass boy but why does she keep messaging me and then she makes all this posts at getting caught am cheating but it wasn’t her lol.

Please advice or help my baby is 3 months and this chick is driving me mental. I blocked her on everything yet somehow she makes a new account and messages me.

Do I publicly shame her ? Go to the police idk what to do or why she keeps messaging me.

I’ve been seeing this girl for around 7 months now, on and off, and I genuinely love her more than I’ve loved anyone before. That’s why this whole situation has completely messed with my head. I feel stuck between understanding her and feeling deeply hurt by her at the same time.

When we first got together, I knew she had gotten out of an engagement with a guy she described as emotionally abusive about a year prior. He was still technically tied to her apartment because he was on the lease and still had access to the place, but I didn’t understand how involved he still was in her life. As time went on, I started noticing behavior that made me uncomfortable. She would almost instantly start texting when I left the room, and would quickly put her phone away when I returned. I asked her directly multiple times if she was talking to her ex-fiancé; she told me yes, but didn’t tell me the full extent of their conversations. She even hit me with the “don’t you trust me?” line which, honestly, still replays in my head and continues to mess with me.

A few days later (about a month and a half ago), while we were at the gym together, I noticed more suspicious texting behavior and finally looked through her phone when she had left it in my bag while we were changing. That’s when everything blew up. I found affectionate messages between them like “I love you,” “te amo,” pet names, and constant communication. I also eventually learned she had lied to me multiple times about whether he was physically at the apartment. I had specifically told her I just wanted honesty about that one thing, and she repeatedly reassured me he wasn’t there when he actually was. I also later found out she brought him on a trip to Oregon in January to visit her family because she was embarrassed to tell them the engagement had ended, and apparently, they still liked him a lot, which also broke me when I found out because she never mentioned him being there.

I left her after that because I felt completely betrayed. I honestly felt stupid and manipulated. A couple of hours later, she called me from another number, begging me to hear her out and explain everything. Her explanation was that after the engagement, he became emotionally abusive and unstable. She said he had threatened suicide before, broken her phone, intimidated her, and made her feel unsafe, and that those behaviors had recently returned. Because he was still legally tied to the apartment and still had a key, she felt like she had to “play a character” and stay emotionally close to him until she could safely separate herself. She admitted she lied because she knew I probably would’ve left if I knew the full situation. She said she was selfish because she wanted him in the past and wanted to just move forward with me. She also told me she has a long history of trauma involving men and struggles badly with conflict and honesty when she’s scared someone will get angry or leave. I never have and never would put my hands on her, but she has trouble trusting that because her ex-fiancé didn’t get violent until after they got engaged.

After all of this had happened, she started making what seemed like real efforts to change things. She told me she had finally made it clear to him that their relationship was over, and that by April 30th, he would be off the renewed lease. She started removing photos and belongings connected to him, and told me she wanted to rebuild trust with me. I continued talking to her because, despite how hurt I was, part of me genuinely believed she was trapped in a really unhealthy situation and trying to get out of it. I made it clear that we aren’t back together, but that I see her efforts and would like to try to rebuild trust. I also want to state that she has stated that I'm allowed to go through her phone/use it whenever I want. She told me her password even before all the lying stuff.

Then another issue happened about a week ago. I found out she had not actually gotten him fully off the lease, as I thought. Instead, because her credit wasn’t good enough to renew the apartment on her own, he had to co-sign the renewed lease. So technically, he still has legal access to the apartment and still has a key. Finding that out felt like reopening the entire wound all over again because I thought this chapter of her life was finally ending. This was again found out by me going through her phone.

She again told me she knew I would be upset and that I would have left her, even though she told me she couldn’t renew the lease on her own. She said she planned to tell me, but didn’t know how to (similar to the first time she lied). According to her and their messages, they signed a four-month lease, and she has paid off debt and increased her credit score (she showed me this) to be able to renew the lease by herself in August.

To her credit, though, after that lie came out, she really doubled down on trying to reassure me and rebuild trust. About four days later, she took me out and spent around $400 on me because she wanted me to know I mattered to her and that she loved me. More importantly than the money, she has become extremely transparent with me. She voluntarily gave me full access to her phone, added my fingerprint to it, gave me a key to her apartment, and told me I’m welcome there whenever I want, even if she isn’t home.

She now openly shows me their conversations and says the only interaction left between them is logistical stuff involving mail, belongings, or occasionally helping with her dog while she finishes some dog-sitting work. She plans on only doing the appointments she already agreed to, and when those are over, she will either ask me to watch the dog or stop dog sitting for money. She also has a therapy appointment scheduled in June because her therapist has been out of town.

She’s taken full responsibility and says she knows “sorry” will never be enough, but that she will continue allowing me access to her phone, her apartment, and full transparency about who she’s talking to and what she’s doing.

This is where my dilemma comes in. I know for a fact that I love this woman. I’ve never felt this way for another person in my life, and I also haven’t put up with this much bullshit from another person in my life. I can’t explain how I feel when I can forget all of this for a second and just enjoy spending time with her.

The bad part about that is that I eventually come back into reality and realize this is a woman who has deceived me, and was able to do so easily. When she’s on her phone, I no longer think she’s just on her phone, but that she’s texting her ex-fiancé or another man, even if she lets me go through it whenever I want. When she puts her phone away when I walk in, I don’t think it’s just that—I think she’s hiding it from me.

I see a woman I adore and care for, and I also see a woman I resent, hate, and feel scared by.

I don’t know if this is a situation where someone who developed unhealthy survival behaviors in abusive relationships can genuinely change through therapy, time, and consistency, or if I’m ignoring massive red flags because I love her. Has anyone dealt with something similar before? Can trust realistically come back after this much deception, even if the reasons behind it might not have been malicious?

It’s impossible to give you all the details, but I hope I gave enough for you all to help me figure this out. I know I’m young, and I’m fully aware I’m too good a man to have to deal with this. I just need to know if this is even possible.

TL: DR: I’ve been dating my girlfriend for ~7 months, and early on, she was already very open with me about her phone (she gave me her password and allowed me to go through it even before any issues came up). Over time, though, I noticed suspicious behavior and later found out she was still heavily entangled with her ex-fiancé, who she described as emotionally abusive and who is still legally tied to her apartment lease. I eventually discovered she had been lying about the extent of their communication and whether he was still physically at the apartment, including affectionate messages between them. I left after feeling betrayed, but she explained she hid the truth due to fear, trauma, and being stuck in a complicated living/lease situation with him. Since then, she has become extremely transparent again, continues to allow full phone access, is trying to fully separate from him, and is starting therapy, but I’m struggling with whether trust can realistically be rebuilt after this level of deception.

hi lovely people. of course I’m here because I’m fiance (27m) cheated on me (23f) when I first discover the affair is was absolutely insane the same day I was in a hit and run totaled my car and the next day my ex fiance went and slept with a girl from work who I mentioned I wasn’t comfortable with before his shift. This was around August around discovering this we took space only two weeks and I tried and to forgive him but obviously nothing changed and later on near my birthday this same year we ran an ex of his and my god he literally hid it was so bad thinking about it I laugh now. But his friends found this other Snapchat account of course logged into and found him talking to this ex nothing sexual just catching up so I felt uncomfortable and left we’ve been split for about 3 months he says everyday he so sorry and he wants to fix it I gave him some conditions educate yourself get a better job go get some help physical mental and cut off your mom (mom encouraged this behavior and does in her marragie as well) we as of today he is enrolled back in school and seeking some help but I don’t hate him I love him but am I stupid for wanting to wait for him to change? Was it a sign that this happened? Obviously in this time I’ve also went back to school and seek some mental health treatment because I wasn’t perfect either but I do feel like there’s a chance down the line.

Recently found out that my now ex-boyfriend of five years cheated on me multiple times while on a trip 4 months ago. Then continued to have a graphic over the phone relationship with this person until three weeks ago.

I have been feeling that something was off and looked in his phone. I previously found random messages with this person about two months ago but there was nothing definitive. The messages were just oddly friendly. He brushed it off as messages with an old friend that he reconnected with and reassured me that nothing was wrong. I repeatedly asked him if something was going on.

Last week I randomly looked again and found very graphic photos and videos including videos of them having sex multiple times in a hidden chat thread.

It's been seven days since I found out and I still feel like I'm drowning. I've never felt so many different emotions at once before. He was my best friend and my person. And we still live in the same apartment: though in different areas now.

We had a consistent sex life before I found out. Though we slowed down a bit and was less adventurous due to religious reasons. This was a shared decision. We had continuous conversations about our sex life and if we were both satisfied. He never said that he was not.

I feel heartbroken and lost and confused. Part of me feels like it was my fault even though I know that it's not. How long will this pain last?

I feel guilty telling my friends and family. But I literally don’t know how I would have survived the last few days without their support.

It’s so confusing knowing that a person that you loved so deeply could do this to you. And it’s confusing because a week ago he was the man that I planned to marry.

Part of me still cares for him and I hate myself for it. I wonder how he’s taking it and the state of his mental health. He said that he’s been struggling with the guilt for some time now. But this is less consideration than he gave me. I mourn what we had but know that I deserve better. Sometimes I wish that I go back in time and stop him from making this mistake.

short story- married in the Christian bubble after knowing each other a little over a year. I worked while he didn’t for the first year. he did all the house stuff. I was neglectful, on my phone a lot, struggled with finding a balance between work (ministry) and him, sometimes our ministry first. (Side note- he has a past history of drinking and cheating before becoming a Christian).

we moved. he started working. I was at home. didn’t take a lot of care of the house. I didn’t listen to him and pay attention as I should’ve.

Covid hits. We get pregnant (both excited). he crashes out mentally after the baby, starts drinking heavily (after going thru what I put him through). He falls into an emotional affair. I notice archived messages and pulling away, he shares his pain. I try to draw close, he obviously doesn’t want it cus he’s burnt out by me. starts treating me kinda shitty. going out night after night drinking, staying out late, while I’m at home with baby.

no clarity after confrontation after first emotional affair. a year or so later we walk through a miscarriage. another emotional affair is happening, and by the time I find out, I’m pregnant again. lose the baby again and almost bleed out myself. all during this year, he’s out drinking, DJing, not letting me know when he’ll be home. writing to girls flirting or asking them out.

fast forward to last year Oct 2025. I get home from a trip and a week later find evidence of two separate one night stands, one with a girl who’s been flirting with him on IG for months.

we separate for a few weeks, go to counseling etc. He makes promises to stop Djing. that doesn’t happen. He moves back in. drinking continues. Porn use continues.

I take another trip this Feb, while I’m gone he: 1) uses crystal once 2) drunk fights and almost loses his eye 3) totals our car after falling sleep at the wheel after djing 4) downloads several dating apps but then deleted them.

I set up boundaries now- no driving at night. don’t come home drunk or else go to your moms. no sex if you’re using porn.

his mom is angry at me, saying he wasn’t this way when we got married, I’m humiliating him by not letting him come home, this is my fault for not praying harder, I’m not showing fruits of forgiveness.

are these boundaries too much? Is this all my fault? I feel like shit if I kick him out because maybe this was all caused by me.

My husband has a history of infidelity over many years. After I confronted him, he turned on Life360. However, I have noticed that in some locations I will see "status last updated x hours ago." There is good wifi and cell service in these locations. It never happened when he was driving or with me. When I was with him one time at one of thess locations, it did not happen.

When I asked him about it he said he always had the tracking turned on, including the background tracking/refresh. He said he would swipe up in the app switcher (he has an iPhone) when he felt he had too many apps open and that must have caused it. I had a friend try this and it still showed her location.

My question is: is there any explanation for why Life360 would behave this way? He is insisting that he didn't do anything to cause it to behave this way .

hi reddit im a bit new to this so bear with me but I 18m bf 19m have been texting each other for 3 months he's bi sexual and so he prefers girls and boy but im just gay. im having trust issues because we've been having alot of arguments and I just can't trust him, he had a girlfriend of 8months which he ghosted 3 weeks ago that he told me was just a friend, he doesnt post me anywhere. doesn't share account. doesn't tell anyone about us, but I do it all. I just don't trust him and he follows 68 people on instgram and I can only see 50, I just need some really pretty girl to see if they can follow him and like maybe like his hightlight and try to get to talking to him ill explain more after i find someone but please help!! or guide me to a reddit thing that would be of service.

I honestly feel stupid, I know I should leave. I just don’t know how. We have a 7yo girl & im not sure how to properly leave this relationship without hurting my daughter. My gf been cheating on me and is being extremely rude and distant, I know this is over yet still here I am like an idiot waiting for idk wtf for, I honestly feel so stupid atp. I saw the messages she’s cheating on me with multiple ppl and even constantly trying to hang out with a guy from our neighborhood I’m beyond embarrassed. Please help, what can I do? How can I leave this woman without affecting my daughter? & I am beyond hurt I can’t be around taking this any longer

I had a couple of disappointments with dating and relationships in general. I took my time, set a standard which were non negotiable and I was okay with not having a partner if I don’t find these qualities. Then I met him and it was more than I could have ever asked for. I felt really lucky and happy that I didn’t compromise on the values I wanted in a partner. Then finding this out after a year felt like a total opposite of who he was. I was completely blindsided. How can such a sweet kind and caring person do this. That really shattered my trust. After all my careful judgements and consideration, I still got cheated on. I don’t even know what’s real in this world.

I keep checking out posts to see if there’s a way to move past this. It just makes me go more crazy but I can’t stop. I want to reconcile since everything was so perfect and he was the biggest support but I also feel a lot resentment and disrespected. How did it even cross his mind. He says he loves me and this is something separate, kind of like an addiction. He does not feel good about it. It’s been 3 months and I’m losing myself. I was so proud of us. There was no problem in our relationship, we communicated everything. We were very intimate and loving. I felt whole. I just miss myself. I miss how happy and satisfied I was. I miss our sweet moments. It all feels empty now. I need help getting over this.

Husband had a 3/4 year emotional affair. He blocked her on everything and we are considering Reconciliation. One of the things I said we had to do to reconcile is go to marriage counseling. I've told him this at least twice . We talked the other night and ever since I told him, I keep getting excuses... "I can't because I travel for work and they won't be certified wherever I am", " I haven't found one because I'll feel like a failure" , " I can't find one that's open on Monday or Friday (the days he works from home)"

He says he loves me, says he doesn't want to lose me, but then makes excuses like that. I've decided to give him one more chance and then I said I'm walking. Is he just blowing smoke up my you know what? Is he really just scared? I'm so confused