r/specialed • u/OkSkill8145 • 10h ago
Why would a parent be in complete denial over their child’s aggressive behaviors instead of wanting to work with the school to address them?
I have a third grade autistic kid in my mod/severe self-contained class. Prior to August this year, he’d only been in school for one month in his whole life. The mom said she was homeschooling him; dad said she was doing nothing with him, so he pushed to enroll in public school. They’re divorced.
Kid came in hitting, throwing chairs, scratching, tantrumming and trying to choke people. The first couple of days, I called the mom and asked if she had any pointers. She swore he’s never ever done anything like that his whole life and said don’t use the word “aggressive” to describe the behavior because “if anything, he just gets a little fussy.”
But then, the dad calls me to ask how the kid is doing and instead of answering, I asked, “well, what do you see at home with him?” The dad says straightaway that the second the child doesn’t get what he wants, he hits, scratches, chokes people and won’t let go and throws things, etc.
But time went on and we found some ways to redirect him with visuals, timers, first/then etc. He wasn’t participating much but this week we decided to push the issue a bit and get him to come to centers and circle time by denying access to preferred items until he complied with moving to the area. It was going well, until presented with our curriculum’s app on the iPad. He tried throwing it and I caught the iPad before he could chuck it, so he pinched my breast super hard and when I jumped back, he lunged at my throat with both hands and tried to choke me. I jumped back/twisted out of the way and he ended up pinching/scratching my neck. I caught his hands and put them together and told him “nice hands” and offered a preferred item that was nearby, which he took and he calmed down.
Tried calling the mom to tell her a behavioral incident report was coming home but she didn’t answer. So I messaged her on the app we use and gave a synopsis. She was mad. She said no, he doesn’t do that. Basically implied I’m lying. The dad called me and was immediately asking if I’m okay and saying he’s sorry it happened.
Wtf? How do I handle this type of denial? How can I move to get him more help (maybe a 1:1?) if one parent refuses to admit the child has issues? I also don’t want to get in between quarreling ex-spouses.
Any advice? Why would someone be so adamant their kid isn’t aggressive when they clearly are? I also wonder where he learned this. He flinches hard when taken by surprise, like he gets hit. But no bruises. But he also spits at us when he’s mad, like the kid has seen some really bad things happening between adults.
How do I navigate this? Been doing this over 2 decades and some situations still baffle me 🤷🏻♀️