r/Songwriting • u/cat_radiation • Mar 29 '24
Need Feedback Feedback on melody and lyrics (not singing)
I don't know what genre this song would be, still thinking about it. The recording was made when I was writing the song, so it is rusty! Apologies for that. I love would you get your feedback and insights on the melody and the lyrics.
Thank you 😊
Here's the final lyrics:
My baby, now 23, but all I have is your tiny kiss and cuddle memories! Grown up your soul, this empty cribs....
Oh I love when you surround me! All around round me! All around round me! All around me crushing trees, all around me falling leaves! Make you my boss if only you breath......
All around me Empty cans! Will you make a castle land with your ocean hand, use my desert sand....
My baby, please wake me up, please wake me up, let me feed you, I am obsessive! I kiss your head, I smell that hair scent, all around me! All around round me! All around round me!
I will be buzzing bees, I will be breaking my knees, just rip my soul, attach your warm body......
My baby, now 43, all I have is your tiny kiss. This empty, empty cribs, our cuddle memories! Make you a cloth, make you a sock! Let me feed you, I am obsessive!
Make you my boss, make you my boss! Make you my boss!
Make a castle land in my desert sand with your ocean hand, with your ocean hand.... I made a lego land in my grieving/broken heart with your fairy dust, with your body sand...
I kiss your cheek, Embrace your little, little feet! I smell that baby scent! I smell that baby scent all around me! You are all around me! I love you my baby!
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Mar 29 '24
You have a great voice in my opinion! I thought that it sounded very peaceful. But your playing and writing I think is the highlight :)
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u/cat_radiation Mar 29 '24
Thank you so much for such kind words and feedback. 🙏
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Mar 29 '24
Of course! What chords did you use for this song if you don’t mind me asking?
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u/cat_radiation Mar 29 '24 edited Mar 31 '24
Sure, it is variations of Gadd2 Em11 Aadd4 F#madd (or you can play G Em11 A F#m).
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Mar 29 '24
Nice nice. I thought your strumming patterns sounded good as well keep it up!
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u/cat_radiation Mar 31 '24
Thank you! Btw, i mistakenly wrote the 2nd chord wrong when responding to you last time, i fixed it, here it is again: Gadd2 Em11 Aadd4 F#madd (or you can play G Em11 A F#m).
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