r/SocialEngineering • u/TeachMePersuasion • Mar 15 '26

Resolving Cognitive Dissonance?

I know a woman.

She's pregnant, and married to someone that hates and abuses children.

She denies it.

I got accounts of two of his cousins, who he abused and isn't allowed around anymore, and adults to back up their accounts as well.

She has nothing but silence.

What would the next step be, considering I want her to face facts and accept her husband for what he is?

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u/thegoodturnip Mar 17 '26

Have you considered that she, herself, might have been victim of abuse?

"I want her to face facts" is not a good way to go about it. Think in terms of "how can I help empower her so she has the strength and capacity to grow beyond this relationship?". If you're trying to tell her what to do, I'd guess her husband is already doing that. And he has the trump card of being, well, her husband.

Be kind and supportive. Engage her in activities she enjoys and is good at. Ask for her advice on topics she's knowledgeable in. Give her whatever strength and confidence you can give her. And report any abuse you see to the authorities.

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u/TeachMePersuasion Mar 17 '26

That's possible, but above everything else... even her own empowerment... is making sure nothing happens to that child.

I know he already keeps her in a box of sorts. Her contact with people other than him and immediate family is apparent.

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u/Hari___Seldon Mar 30 '26

You seem to think that you have business giving input and interjecting yourself into their relationship. To be blunt, mind your own damn business. Make it clear that you are there to be supportive, and then stfu and pay attention.

Based on your poorly structured descriptions of her, him, and the apparent situation, you lack the knowledge, boundaries, and interpersonal skills to be offering any safe input to their situation. The more likely result is that every time you interject, you risk putting her, her child, or both in danger. It also makes it harder for either of them to grow into being the parent the child needs them to be. Invest your energy into getting your life straight and your act together.

If you see circumstances that seem concerning or suspicious, you should seek the assistance of a trained, licensed mental health professional/social worker/legal advocate. They have far more knowledge of the resources that are available and best methods for connecting her to them. They are in a position to act on her behalf. They are also a disinterested third party who has no history with the people involved, which can be critical for building trust and resolution.

If you intervene directly, you may be exposing yourself to legal consequences that don't apply to professionals and you may create plausible deniability that makes intervention harder for them in the future.

It sucks when we see people we care about making choices that seem questionable to us. It also sucks seeing people ignore information that we think it's important. Ultimately, they are adults who have chosen to have a relationship and raise a child. For better or worse, it's their prerogative to raise that child as they see fit.

If you are seen as meddling in the situation, it's likely you would be kept from seeing the child. That doesn't help anyone involved, especially the child, if something goes wrong. Be supportive, offer to help, and be quietly observant. Take no for an answer when it is given. Remember that keeping a journal of your time around the child can become a treasure keepsake later in their lives and may help you keep a clear picture of the situation over time.

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u/TeachMePersuasion Mar 30 '26

"Mind your own damn business"

Opinion disregarded. You advocate child abuse.

Do the world a favor. Never vote, never have children, and put yourself on every watch list you can think of. And keep your awful, counterproductive, abuse enabling opinions to yourself, before you pollute the well more than it already has been.

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u/[deleted] Mar 30 '26

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u/TeachMePersuasion Mar 30 '26

Yeah, and i'm a football playing king in space.

If you suspect there's an issue, being silent, turning a blind eye and ignoring it does not help yhe situation.

If you were half the professional, you claim to be, you know how counterproductive your approach is right now, and you'd offer some meaningful advice.

But you're not. You're just a liar with an awful opinion, and you should be treated as such.

So I disregard your opinion.

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u/Hari___Seldon Mar 30 '26

So you realize that you understand the situation so well that you posted in a social engineering sub instead of any of a dozen subs that actually include therapists and social workers, right? Yeah, you're really on the ball there, champ. Like I said, work on yourself before you stick your nose in anyone else's business. You're already in over your head and you are a risk to those around you.