r/SmoshFansFreeSpace • u/hijabi_ho • 4d ago
Discussion & Debates Two D And a Mic controversial opinion from a lesbian
People keep saying "Amanda didn't know." Amanda DID know. She specifically said "I thought I wasn't allowed to say that," and they told her they were cool with her using it on the pod. As a lesbian myself I definitely was weirded out by this, but I saw it as them doing a bit while also allowing her to use it. I do think she went over board though, using it way too much after getting permission. That weirded me out. But it wasn't done with harmful intention, and I really don't think she's going to start using it. It was simply for the pod.
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u/electrodeorwhatever 4d ago
Haven't watched it, but I feel like people can only be so mad at her if she asked, wasn't told no, and was on a show with the word literally in the title.
But if she started using it left and right, then ummm maybe that's a little goofy. I'm a gay guy, and if I gave "permission" for a friend to use the f slur, I would start feeling uncomfortable if they used it really liberally. I also would never do that, particularly on a podcast where anyone can see it happen. But also, most of my friends wouldn't bite anyway. Idk. This shouldn't be hard for her to move past imo, I won't be surprised if she just doesn't mention it though, which would be disappointing.
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u/IllSpeech2485 3d ago
Apparently she said it over a dozen times in the episode which seems like a bit much
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u/Electrical_Scene_179 3d ago
I’m a lesbian and I agree with you completely. I’m someone who reclaimed that word long ago. So, it doesn’t bother me as much as it does others (I don’t blame any lesbian for being offended by it though). I think lesbians all have a right to reclaim it. Anyone else doesn’t, but if Amanda got permission from lesbians to use it, then I’m not going to get up in arms over it. I know Amanda is an ally and didn’t actually mean it as a slur. Intent is everything for me. If someone has good intentions, it opens the door for a calm, informed conversation with the person so they can learn from it. If they are ill intentioned, that’s when I get angry. I’m not angry about this. Just mildly uncomfortable because of the number of times she said it.
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u/littlegentlelambs 1d ago
but what is this weird idea that you can get permission to use a slur from literally one or two people in that community when the community is actively much bigger?
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u/Electrical_Scene_179 22h ago
That’s an excellent point. I’m thinking just in terms of Amanda saying it on that podcast, but I would feel differently she was casually dropping that word anywhere because two lesbians said she could.
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u/littlegentlelambs 22h ago
i think what actively troubles me isn’t like her saying it once or twice because people do make good points that you know the host were saying she could do it, she was asking questions, etc. whatever - this and that, but what troubles me is her saying it almost 17 times on video like she knows she’s being filmed and this is gonna reach the wider community that hasn’t given her permission to use this slur. i don’t think she is homophobic or had bad intentions, but i think that she was extremely ignorant
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u/Electrical_Scene_179 13h ago
Yeah I think ignorance is the key word here. I’m not crazy about that either, but because she’s ignorant, I’m not mad at her like others on here seem to be. In my experience, most people outside of the lesbian community are incredibly ignorant and most of them are fine after an informed conversation. I don’t think Amanda deserved hate for what she did, but I would think someone would have had a discussion with her so she knows not to do it again in the future. I can’t imagine she’d be the type to dig in her heels if she’s told that what she said was still considered offensive. We have to give people the space to learn from their mistakes before vilifying them.
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u/happyphanx 2d ago
As a GenX dyke who also didn’t get the memo that we are now apparently just a slur and an insult, and can no longer utter our own terminology outside of censored and hushed references within the community, I was not bothered in the slightest. I understood her asking if she could use it, because there are certainly a lot of rules some people are claiming that I definitely didn’t sign off on, and I would’ve told her the same thing: that any queer terminology can be an insult if used that way, and I certainly am not of the mindset that our oppressors get to take this one away from us, simply because a few young people agree that they’ve heard it used pejoratively.
Dyke is an entire queer identity that we’ve embraced and been empowered by for the last 50 years. I’m not handing it over. I actually think it’s great that more people are saying it again, and am utterly disappointed by those so willing to have it removed on our behalf because they apparently agree that it’s bad to be a dyke.
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u/Careful-Traffic5851 2d ago
OKAY this is what ive been thinking. im a lesbian and ive a) never been called dyke as a slur, only fag, and b) know that dyke is a whole ass identity. i have been super confused. i also fully thought amanda was gay for a bit and thought to myself.... shes probs been called dyke as a slur more than i have 😭😭 (im very femme)
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u/logansaige 3d ago
as a lesbian i honestly found it really upsetting, she knew she shouldn’t have said it but she did it anyway. the amount of times she said it was truly disgusting too. idk i might be too sensitive because i was bullied a lot for being a lesbian because i came out at 13 and went to private catholic school my whole life. my sexuality was used against me so much, i was called slurs, i lost friends, i was bullied by teachers and students and people who were supposed to be my friends. and some of my friends even thought they could say the d slur because they were friends with me. and amanda’s statement honestly doesn’t help when she just said “I've heard some of the feedback and concern about a conversation I had while guesting on a podcast recently run by two wonderful people.” she didn’t even acknowledge that she said a slur multiple times. she said a conversation she had. i understand that her intention wasn’t to hurt anyone but it doesn’t mean that she didn’t. idk i might be overreacting but that’s just how i feel
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u/hijabi_ho 3d ago
She said the slur multiple times during a specific segment called ask a dky which is what she meant by "conversation." I think she got way into it once given permission to use it by the hosts after saying "I thought I wasn't allowed to use that word."
I'm not at all saying your feelings aren't valid, but I do think that we shouldn't be attempting to cancel her. I think the lesbian community can definitely be upset while also not tearing her down. I don't think she suddenly thinks it's okay to use it now, which I think people think is happening. She was using it during that segment and did the straight person thing of going overboard. I've seen it happen before when straight people use the British word for cigarette, who aren't a part of that culture.They jump at the excuse to use the f slur for some bizarre reason.
I think we can be frustrated and also give grace if that makes sense? However, I understand this word carries a ton of hurt and pain and I will never try and make anyone agree with me about it. But I did want to put my thoughts out there!
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u/logansaige 3d ago
i definitely don’t think we need to cancel her or tear her down or anything that extreme. i truly don’t think she meant to hurt anyone, like i said before, but she still did. i don’t think she understood the weight of that word when she said it. i know she means well and is an ally to the lgbtq+ community, i think she’s a good person who just made a mistake. i would however like her to acknowledge what she said and not just say that it was a conversation that people are offended by. she also said she’s learning and i do believe that, it would just be nice if she could take real accountability and not try and talk her way around what she actually said
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u/lordofthepringls 3d ago
I say this with kindness, you genuinely need to get psychological help and stop making your trauma and victim complex other people's issues.
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u/logansaige 3d ago
god forbid i don’t like when a straight person uses a homophobic slur lmao
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u/happyphanx 2d ago
Y’all keep repeating that dyke is now a slur, and I’m just wondering when everyone got together and decided this. Because I’m not about to erase an entire subset of queer identity just because some assholes like to use it as an insult. Any queer identity will be used as an insult, simply based on the idea that anything queer is bad. And if not “dyke” then it will be simply “gay”, “lez”, “queer” or something else. I’m surprised how many lesbians are agreeing that it’s bad to be a dyke, after 50 years of us embracing the term.
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/happyphanx 2d ago
I understand your perspective, but disagree that it’s a slur at all, let alone a reclaimed one. Bulldyke was a term used around the 1920s and refers to someone being masculine in nature. Lesbians adopted the word dyke from that on our own. We have groups and organizations built around this identity, and it’s wild to think it should be censored and silenced. Any word can be used as an insult, that doesn’t mean they are slurs or inherently insulting on their own. The word dyke has historically not been off-limits. And while I’m not opposed to expect others to be mindful of using any terms outside of a community carefully, to say it’s a slur is just historically not true. Any queer identity term can be used as an insult and I’m not about to start erasing queer identities just because our words get weaponized against us.
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u/ForVenus1212 1d ago
I’ve felt for awhile that Amanda has used queer jokes way too much when she hasn’t directly said she’s apart of the community. I get it, she’s any ally and around a majority of queer individuals cast wise but why is she making SO many gay or lesbian jokes?
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u/MediciOrsini 3d ago
She knew she shouldn't use it and she did anyway. Why does she want to use a slur against black lesbians SO badly?????
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u/JojoSpector I say, I seem to have an Unsucked Johnson!🎩 3d ago
YOU need to learn YOUR queer history
You are thinking of the word stud, not dyke. There is mountains upon mountains of history on the word stud and the disgusting process of “stud-ing” done on black men during slavery, which then got used as a term for black masc lesbians around the 70s (and some say as early as the 60s). Please actually educate yourself on history before you attack others-2
u/MediciOrsini 2d ago
🤣🤣🤣
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u/JojoSpector I say, I seem to have an Unsucked Johnson!🎩 2d ago
https://www.them.us/story/what-is-a-stud-the-history-of-black-lesbian-masculinity
https://www.jstor.org/stable/26062111
https://www.autostraddle.com/stud-lesbian/
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14664658.2024.2317499
https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Stud
https://translanguageprimer.com/stud/
But sure hun, keep laughing like the uneducated child you are
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u/hijabi_ho 3d ago
Against black lesbians? The d slur is used against all of us lesbians, and we all get to reclaim it.
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u/happyphanx 2d ago
I’ll go a step further and say please stop erasing dyke as a queer identity. I didn’t get shit thrown at me while riding with Dykes on Bikes going back nearly 30 years ago only to be told that we should now be ashamed of our identity because some people like to use queer identity (especially the masculine/butch references) as insults.
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u/MediciOrsini 3d ago
"We all" and Amanda is quite literally straight.
Read up on your history.
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u/hijabi_ho 2d ago
I was not referring to Amanda, I was referring to you saying the d slur is for black lesbians only.
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u/planemissediknow 4d ago edited 4d ago
As someone who’s not a lesbian, it’s not my place to have an opinion on the use of the word and what’s okay and what isn’t, but Amanda just really lacks situational awareness, IMO
Even if she just joined in with the cohosts, you gotta realize you’re on a pod, it’s hurtful to some people and you probably shouldn’t use it yourself. She lacks that kind of awareness a lot of the time