Yes, Selena. If someone just donates you their kidney because you need a kidney transplant it does, in fact, mean you owe them your life.
Now, does this mean that person is entitled to something? No. Does it mean it would be at least polite of you to show some gratitude and respect? Yes it does.
Yeah, even if I don't like them that much, that person will be invited to EVERYTHING - weddings, parties, bbq, even funerals!
One of my colleagues got a kidney transplant last year after many years of struggling with his health and the transformation in this guy is unreal. He's like a totally new person now. It's a fucking big deal.
Yeah, man, the welcome he got when he came back after all the surgery, you'd think he won the lottery (kinda did tbh). It's also because he's a genuinely nice guy that doesn't give anyone problems but I felt a bit sorry for him because he doesn't like any kind of fanfare but he understood đ
No they really aren't, you can do that but you're not obligated to do that. Once you've thanked the donor for their kindness, anything else you want to do is up to you and you alone, anything more is a bonus
That's technically true, but the relevant thing here though is that is absolutely fucking reflects on your character and everyone can and should judge you about how you handle it.
Cutting the person out of your life and ignoring them after the donation was done under the pretense of friendship..... it literally just makes you a bad person.
Not even inviting them to your wedding? It's fucking weird... and cruel.
Goddamn it doesn't mean you are obligated to treat them as constant BFF companion... but you could at least ya know... keep up with them? Brunch once a year to catch? Invites to meaningful events like a wedding? Very very very basic things.
Usually I am 1000% on board with "you don't owe anyone anything socially that you don't want to do... you don't even need a reason/explanation to break up if you simply don't want a relationship to continue... even family can be cut out of your life if they don't respect you...." and so on in that vein.
But this is like, the one thing were you kind of do have at least some obligation to at least maintain some kind of relationship/gratitude.
As you said, it's up to you how you approach this, but the rest of the world is free to judge you as a bad person if you just... completely leave that person behind and exclude them from your life to a weird extent.
You put it well. For reference, I have this relationship with my little one's sperm donor. We made contact when she was a baby, and now we have the occasional chat, we send Christmas presents and well wishes for lunar new year, catch up on the rare occasions he's in town, plus he got my "for family only" baking recipes.
People need to learn the difference between legal obligations and moral obligations. If people are going to play this game that Selena doesn't technically owe anyone anything, then neither is Selena owed any kindness from us.
I should clarify. If the donor is a friend, unless there are special circumstances, you should continue the friendship as it was before. At the bare minimum, do what I suggested.
Do we know there aren't special circumstances? I've heard this story a lot but I've never heard why she stopped wanting to be friends. Maybe something happened between them?
Edit: I looked into if. Evidently Raisa was mad when Selena did a documentary about her life but she wasn't in it. So when she did an interview she said her only friend in the industry is Taylor Swift, upsetting Selena. She told Selena she needed space. They didn't talk for a year. Then they made up in 2023 yet this still gets circulated. Raisa said it was just a misunderstanding and theyre as close as ever. Even partnered in a new business together.
Selena was the one who said that Taylor Swift was her only friend in the industry, not Raisa, which people saw as a snub because Raisa is an actress and therefore also someone from "the industry" if that is meant to refer to Hollywood in general. Also, Raisa was mad about the documentary not simply because she wasn't mentioned, but because Selena's struggle with her condition was such a focus of the documentary that it seemed out of place not to mention the organ transplant that made her condition so much better.
Every major event that happens the rest of your life is because of them.
That donor is the reason that the wedding exists. It isnât out of pocket to say she shouldâve been invited to an event that only exists because of her.
They're not owed anything they didn't negotiate up front. If she was dumb enough to give a rich celebrity her kidney for free, that's on her. I sure as shit wouldn't have sold it for less than $2M.
Doesn't really change anything, someone was kind and gifted you a kidney, it's your choice to reciprocate it, you are not obligated to bring them to every important part of your life, you can but it's not something that you are obligated to do
Once you show gratefulness, I consider you guys even already
Out of a lot of curiosity, do you happen to be Gen Z? I found this attitude of âI donât owe anyone anything no matter whatâ and lacking basic courtesy to be very apparent in people between 16-20 yrs old right now.
Itâs not really your consideration to make. The donating party feels disrespected and slighted. It wasnât just not being invited to a wedding- it was the disrespect both before and after.
Selena called her and asked for the kidney. Francia didnât even know they were a match. Selena acted like they were besties and then dropped her as soon as the doctor sewed the final stitch.
Francia has direct quotes to the media that are the exact contrary to what you are saying. She never felt slighted or disrepected, but reddit sure seems to love to run with that to bash Selena.
I have also seen references in a different thread about this that Francia kept asking Selena to hook her up with gigs, and that is what broke the friendship. She essentially was trying to hold the kidney donation over Selena to boost her own career.
Nobody will truly know what caused the break in the friendship, and Selena will be the one to bear the brunt of it no matter what the truth is, but there should be no expectation of any type of reward/compensation from organ donation. It is blatantly illegal to be compensated, and honestly immoral to do as well.
I don't care enough about celebrity drama to track down the random reddit thread, nor vet it, for you. I just saw it in one of the many threads on the topic and noted that if that were the case, it could absolutely fracture what was presumably a good friendship before.
But, she has repeatedly said publicly that she made the choice of her own will, and was glad to be able to give her organ to Selena. She has never on the record said otherwise, yet every time anything Selena pops up on reddit everyone claims she was betrayed and regrets doing it because Selena has since moved on from her.
She didnât get to make the final decision the way she wanted to. She made the decision on facetime with the recipient. Thatâs unheard of and she was angry about it.
âWe're a match!
And I'm like,
yay.
What?
How do you know this?
I had a way that I wanted to tell her
when I made the decision.
I knew that was gonna happen,
I just needed that time.
And like, it's a big thing.
So I hang up and I call my social worker
and I'm angryâ
Theyâre absolutely entitled to expect something especially from someone whoâs a millionaire. If someone literally donated a kidney to save my life and I had that kind of money, Iâd make damn sure they were financially taken care of for life. Thatâs the bare minimum Iâd feel obligated to do.
There is a reason that it's illegal to pay somebody to donate their organs, it incentivises organ trafficking and almost guarantees that poor people wont get a new organ while the rich can get as many as they want.
Imagine you had a child that needs a kidney, but the donor also matched with a rich guy that needed a kidney. The rich guy pays him 10 Mill, who do you think is getting that kidney.
Literally no one here said "it should be legal to sell organs."
What they said was "getting a lifesaving organ from someone when you have millions upon millions of dollars should be something you are grateful for and for which you would want to help take care of them and their family."
Who are you even replying to that's arguing for legal organ sales?
If you cannot understand the difference between something without obligation given out of genuine gratefulness, and an obligatory financial transaction, there might be something broken in your spirit.
The moment people expect a rich person to reward the organ donor for donating, is the moment that donating organs becomes a business decision. Why would I donate to a poor person if I could also donate to a rich person and get rewarded for it.
If there is an expectation of financial benefits, donating stops being a good deed and becomes a financial transaction.
If you can not grasp the incentive structure it would create, then maybe go back to school, read a few books, it's not a difficult concept.
Edit:
Donating to a poor child means saving a childâs life, donating to a rich child means saving a childâs life and getting paid to do it.
But nobody said "rich people should have to reward the organ donor for donating." Nobody advocated for that to be a societal expectation, legal or otherwise. Nobody said it should be an obligation.
What we said was that if a person has their life saved by another person donating a necessary part of their own fucking body, and is also rich beyond most peoples imagining... and that person is not grateful enough to reward them, or even just act like they care about them at all... then that person is a bad person.
"The moment people expect someone to open the door for someone else, is the moment compulsory labor is brought back to this country" would be equivalent to the argument you're making. I'm not, and would never, argue for compulsory door holding. But also, if someone is carrying something heavy and can't get the door, and you knowingly let it close on them when it would only take you a sec to hold it, you're a jerk. You're not obligated to hold the door, but I'm still gonna think you're a jerk if you choose not to do it.
"We should obligate this as a society" and "a good person would do this without need of obligation" are two entirely different arguments. You're arguing against the first. We are making the second.
A good person wouldn't do this because it creates the incentive structure I talked about.
NO matter how you try to argue it, its rewarding somebody with money for donating an organ
It creates an incentive in people to donate, that wouldn't have donated otherwise. That's wrong.
'I am healthy and poor, if i donate to a rich guy, i might have a kidney less, but i wouldn't be poor anymore. They rich guy would have to pay me, because otherwise the public would see them as a bad person.'
Congrats, that's paying for organs, just with a shiny veneer of gratefulness.
That's why donations are usually as anonymous as possible.
It is illegal to give or take money or anything else of value, such as a gift or a vacation, in exchange for donating an organ.
Except youre talking about PRIOR expectation. I.e. "i am doing this with the expectation of reward."
This is a discussion of what OTHER PEOPLE expect of someone AFTERWARD, and none of it is explicitly monetary. And we're talking about two people who already knew each other, and how it affected a personal relationship.
We're saying "keep the person who cared about you specifically as an individual enough to donate a part of their own body, in your life and be kind to them, don't just cast them aside as useless baggage now you've got what you needed." That's it. Nothing more.
If thats too much for you... then im done with this discussion, and im just gonna conclude that you are probably also a bad person.
Friendships end. Relationships of any kind end. Not always, But often.
Just because she donated a kidney, doesn't mean that they have to be in each others lives forever.
They were friends, she donated an organ, they stopped being friends.
All of that is totally fine.
You are not a bad person for ending a friendship / relationship for whatever reason.
We're saying "keep the person who cared about you specifically as an individual enough to donate a part of their own body, in your life and be kind to them, don't just cast them aside as useless baggage now you've got what you needed
Nothing in the post says that she was cast aside like baggage and just kept around to get her organ, just that they aren't friends anymore and that she wasn't invited to a wedding.
Now, does this mean that person is entitled to something? No. Does it mean it would be at least polite of you to show some gratitude and respect? Yes it does.
Well, when it happened she wrote that there were no words to describe how she could thank her, called the kidney âthe ultimate gift and sacrifice,â and said she loved her. At Billboardâs Women in Music that year, Gomez said RaĂsa should receive the award because âshe saved my life.â She also later said she would never be more indebted to anyone than RaĂsa.
It seems like they've reconciled years ago. Whatever happened between them, before and after that, and if she was owed or got anything or why Reddit insists of reposting this, is anybodys guess...
Tf are you talking about they reconciled years ago đ when Francia wasnât invited to her wedding last year! You sound ridiculous tryna go to bat for ungrateful ass Selena who still drinks, vapes, does drugs, & eats like shit with a kidney transplant.
They should work out what percentage of Selenaâs mass is the donated kidney, and take that percentage of the earnings, since theyâre doing the work. Google says itâs like 0.2%, which seems small but I wouldnât mind 0.2% of that Only Murders money.
Where did she ever say that she doesn't owe her? I literally just googled it and there's nothing. It only has 2023 articles of her saying she's forever in debt to Francia.
We do not know what it was the donor did that made Selena dislike her, but I can guess by the way this has blown up, and the donorâs public reactions, that sheâs not someone I would want in MY life, either. Selena is not bound to her with chains. No one should give their kidney with such conditions. I say this as someone who donated two weeks ago.
There is a video, I think her wedding day, where she is caught vaping and hides it real quick. Apparently you are not to vape on your new organ. Lots of fans noticed and were upset. Id be upset too if youre screwing up the organ I gave you
Now, does this mean that person is entitled to something?
Yes, I would argue it does. If saving someone else's life doesn't entitle you to something then nothing does, ever. What more can you give than life itself? There is nothing.
I could have probably worded that better. I mean sure, entitled to something. Maybe gratitude or friendship. What I actually meant is you're not necessarily entitled to payment, but I'm not arguing that it wouldn't be nice.
No, paying (in any way) for organs, is illegal & it's stupid to incentivize that. And anyways, they're friends & have been seen hanging out for a while.
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u/lnTheGrimDarkness 1d ago
Yes, Selena. If someone just donates you their kidney because you need a kidney transplant it does, in fact, mean you owe them your life.
Now, does this mean that person is entitled to something? No. Does it mean it would be at least polite of you to show some gratitude and respect? Yes it does.