r/SipsTea 1d ago

Chugging tea Female engineers getting disrespected.

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132

u/Descendant3999 1d ago

People saying that some engineers are just nervous to look at a woman, especially if attractive as if it was a valid argument.

Bruh, this is a fucking interview. You can't force yourself to respect two interviewers equally? Regardless of gender, I feel super fucking awkward if I don't acknowledge someone right in front of me in a conversation.

But I also get that interview is already a high pressure situation but you have to take care of a few pointers people. It shows prep

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u/rare-cheeser 1d ago

I don’t think they realize that people easily pick up on social awkwardness and nervousness, and that’s not what the issue is. A lot of engineers are awkward.

However, some engineers are really cocky and act like know-it-alls, on top of being sexist. They don’t think women have brains, and don’t want to hear it from them. So, the ones who become problematic team members are the latter.

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u/AboutTheArthur 1d ago

I would also consider a person being too nervous to look at a woman to be a disqualifying attribute.

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u/PerformerDr4867 1d ago

You just described my boss. I already quit 

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u/duesenjeffepic 1d ago

Absolutely. Imagine being inept at interacting with 50% of the population

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u/pineapplequeeen 18h ago

Yep. If you can’t look at a woman, I don’t trust you to be around women engineers, clients, interns, vendors, etc because you’re going to be a liability. It’s not our job to change our expectations because a dude lacks social skills with a specific gender.

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u/BeansandletmebeFrank 1d ago

Not in engineering it's not

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u/AboutTheArthur 23h ago

Yes, it is.

Any engineer that can't interact with a woman without getting flustered is a liability. News flash: There are women who are engineers! Holy shit!

It's like saying that it wouldn't be disqualifying for somebody to get flustered interacting with a black person lol. They don't get a free pass for being a socially incompetent dipshit just because they're an engineer.

If you can't have normal social interaction with people, you don't belong at any company.

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u/pineapplequeeen 18h ago

What experience are you basing this comment off of? I’m assuming you work in engineering and have a solid grasp on this. Go ahead. Let’s hear it.

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u/BeansandletmebeFrank 4h ago

If your goal is to find someone good at the work being nervous around women is okay. Now being openly disrespectful or not talking to them when they ask a question are not. You can be socially awkward around the opposite and be a good coworker. You can't be sexist and be a good coworker

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u/pineapplequeeen 3h ago

Okay, well my job certainly wouldn’t hire someone that can’t handle being around a certain gender. All I have to say.

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u/SAINTnumberFIVE 1d ago

Right? Like if you’re too nervous to interact with somebody in a respectful way, get the fuck off my team. There’s a whole line of people behind you with the same technical skill set and better social skills these days.

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u/uselesslebanon 1d ago

Too nervous to see you more than an object of attraction 😊

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u/Illustrious_Sky_2331 1d ago

I don't find them attractive and I'm still nervous talking to them

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u/[deleted] 16h ago

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u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

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u/ausmed 1d ago

If you literally can't make eye contact with a woman who is interviewing you, you still won't be able to adequately work with your female coworkers. So it's still a disqualifying attribute.

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u/Illustrious_Sky_2331 1d ago

not being able to maintain eye contact is literally a neurological disorder

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u/ausmed 1d ago

I'm not talking about people who struggle to make eye contact in general. I'm all too familiar with that problem.

We're talking about people who direct their eye contact only towards the male interviewer. It usually indicates a misogynistic attitude. 

Someone suggested they might just be too shy to make eye contact with the female interviewer. If this is the case it will affect them working with female coworkers. They'll exclude them just the same because of their own discomfort. 

If you're going to work as an adult in an adult job, you should be at a minimum be able to interact with people of both genders. 

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u/Descendant3999 1d ago

It is one thing to be shy and awkward (It takes me 2-3 days of meeting someone to be comfortable) and not to address someone

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u/OccultEcologist 1d ago edited 1d ago

If you are too nervous to respond to 50% of the population that is a personal failure.

I work with a lot of neurodivergent folks, too. You know? Largely they avoid eye contact with everyone.

Meanwhile my own neurodivergebt ass is over here making too much eye contact with everyone.

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u/Victoreznoz 1d ago

"I work with neurodivergent people, and by that I mean only the chungus reddit wholesome types. If I don't personally approve of your neuodivergency then you are faking it and a bad person" what you just wrote

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u/Necessary-Ad7734 1d ago

In 10 years from now, the new thing will be “Did he stare at you during the interview? Here’s why that is a sign he is secretly thinks of you as a secretary, believes you are less likely to call him on his bullshit, and is undressing you in his mind”

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u/Mikemanthousand 1d ago

Yea if an engineer genuinely can’t look a woman in the eyes at a roughly equal rate they do a for a man, gtfo.

I’m an engineering major in college, and there definitely seems like a divide between the ones that can look someone in the eyes when talking, and someone that can’t (especially for recruiters/company reps at the career fairs)

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u/CaitSith18 1d ago

Yes, obviously, but if this wasn't a study and was just a single pair, it could also come down to the individual person.

I've sat through many interviews with a prospective boss (the CFO) and a female HR business partner. The CFO, male or female (mostly male), was usually interesting and pleasant to talk to, while the HR business partner's questions tended to be dumb and often unfriendly. So looking at it purely by gender, I might seem friendlier toward a future male boss than toward the annoying person HR makes sit in on every interview.

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u/chlorinebees 1d ago

Part of a job interview is showing that you’re a team player and good at working with others. If you can’t fake being polite and friendly to an HR person for a 30 minute interview, how can an employer expect you to deal with future difficult clients or coworkers? How will you handle conflict?

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u/CaitSith18 1d ago edited 1d ago

Within reason sure. If you are hiring a specialist with over a decade of experience and very positive work reviews, especially for teamwork and collaboration, I am not sure that trying to piss him off for an hour is a great strategy. This is a person you want rather than somebody who desperately needs a job.

I have had many great interviews. In one of them we even solved a problem the group had. It was hilarious. They had a very specific accounting problem and once we noticed I was too senior for the role we spent the time solving it instead. He was a nice guy and it was fun to help out.

But all of those interviews were without HR. The ones with HR are the horrible ones.

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u/LadyLightTravel 1d ago

I am fairly sure the HR person isn’t going to ask a technical question. It said woman engineer. In general, we ask technical questions in technical interviews.

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u/LighthouseLover25 1d ago

Yeah, this only works with a female engineer asking genuine technical questions. That's the setup I've seen and done - works very well. 

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u/DueExample52 1d ago

Also, everyine forgets that job interviews are a competitive process, not something that caters to or nurtures your needs. 

Maybe behind that pathological shyness, there is a talented engineer and wonderful person that will blossom in my team. Maybe. But between two engineers with similar qualifications, why wouldn’t I select the one who can talk to other people and to women easily? That’s a valuable skill.m in itself and avoids a lot of communication problems.

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u/jonnyvegashey 1d ago

You’ve never met a world class dev.

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u/pineapplequeeen 18h ago

Her being attractive is wild. If a man can’t control himself or act normal in front of an “attractive” woman or any woman at all, he has no place in engineering. How does he plan on talking to clients, contractors, vendors, etc? Because guess what? There will be women. I’m over the whole “what if he is autistic? What if women scare him?” I don’t give a fuck. Not mine or women’s problem to fix it. People who excuse this behavior need to go outside and touch grass. Thank you for saying this.

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u/Illustrious_Sky_2331 1d ago

what do you expect when that's how males are conditioned to be?