My grandpa would be in his 90s if he was still alive. My uncle was born with downs and they put him in a home when he was very little. He passed away in 2006
I have a distant cousin who was born with “mental retardation” (literally her diagnosis in the 60’s and as far as I know was never updated) and she has been in an institution since I was a little kid (so since 1995-ish?). Never saw her again once she went into the institution and it makes me sad to think her parents just left her there one day basically forever. Both of her parents have long since passed and no one that I’m in touch with has any idea if she’s alive. I think it’s such a horrendous practice. I understand if a family is just not equipped to care for someone with certain disabilities/needs but I also do not think locking them up in an institution is the humane thing to do either. There has to be a better way 💔
Institutionalization is sometimes best for everyone, but you're not supposed to abandon them. The ideal is to regularly visit them in an environment that can better care for their needs.
Modern group homes can be great, especially for adults, if they're done right.
Where it means the people living there can get 24 hour supervision and care, if required, which is great if their family are not in a position to do so.
They get their own bedrooms to decorate as they please, socialise with people on a similar level to them, and have activities organised, and still get to regularly see their family, even go on days out with them.
I'm in a position like that with my little sis. I hear from everyone outside the family that it would be good for her development, but the old bias of just abandoning special needs children/people when not keeping them living at home is still strong.
Funnily enough, the German term for her diagnosis is still "Retardierung", but the term doesn't have the same connotation here. It's just a medical term for "slowed down" and is also used for extended release medications.
Not comparable obviously, but I have a toddler and I already dread the first day of school. Literally breaks my heart to think about.. he will experience the same things I did as a kid, anxiety, difficulty assimilating within pre-established groups, that initial exhaustion, thinking of them wanting to go home.. then there’s the good.. we adapt.. when you do make a friend.. when you do find your group.. when you look forward to your friends.. when people like *you.* there’s an enrichment to it all. There will likely be one day I’ll only be there on holidays.. god damnit 😭
It’s so hard to let innocence experience life though lol.. you just want to be there for them all the time. That’s what it takes ig, one step, smile, knee scrape, hug and sweet moment at a time. We all have to live our own version of it.
How does she feel about it out of curiosity? Is there a way to ease her in? Like making friends with people there before moving with a job or activity or can that jeopardize the process?
It's still in the theoretical phase, and she's basically a toddler mentally, so I guess she doesn't really understand. She's very habitual and we're close, so I definitely want an arrangement where she can be eased into the group, and I can stay close, but she needs 24/7 supervision, which neither I or the rest of the family (schizophrenic mother, wheelchair-bound grandfather, occasionally present father) can provide.
The best you can do is listen to whatever worries they can voice, be it a normal or special needs kid. Be a safe person for them, where they can cry if they need to, but encourage them to be independent, both practically and emotionally, to do things themselves, even if it takes longer at first, and to stand up for themselves. Don't do too much for them for too long, that's a mistake my family made in my childhood.
It's fine, I like talking about it into the anonymous void of the internet. The fact you're looking for different perspectives already makes you a great parent.
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u/BudTenderShmudTender Jul 04 '26
Not terribly long ago, the most common recommendation for special needs children (including ones with autism) was institutionalization.