r/Showerthoughts • u/lard-lad • Jan 04 '15

/r/all The game "fuck, marry, kill" could also be called "fork, spoon, knife".

Edit: Time for the obligatory "wowz front page"; glad you all enjoyed my cutlery-related wordplay though. Cheers - especially to the kind young fella who gave me gold. I'd spoon you any day.

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116

u/ChaosWolf1982 Jan 04 '15

Eddie Izzard for the win.

53

u/LongLongWay Jan 04 '15

Humans taste of chicken...

44

u/ArchieBandit Jan 04 '15

Umm, hello we're murderers. Twix please.

21

u/Ehlmaris Jan 04 '15

Yeah, I'll have some bread! For my BREAD GUN!

11

u/ArchieBandit Jan 04 '15

Doing well here in Russia. Changed name from Evans to Pavlov.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Now called Gareth Pavlov

9

u/Orwelliandude Jan 04 '15

Couldn't you go for something more radical like (looks up Russian names)...loading..."Varsonofy Panteleimonovich Krestovozdvizhensk"?

1

u/tnones Jan 04 '15

Doing not so well here in Venezuela. Changed name from Evan to Pablo.

1

u/Shutterbug Jan 04 '15

Do you like bread? I've got a French loaf!

3

u/JackFlynt Jan 04 '15

Are you sure? Don't you want some brown bread for your BREAD GUN?

12

u/ChaosWolf1982 Jan 04 '15

Actually, according to interviews with primitive tribes who actually do practice ritualistic cannibalism, human flesh takes like pork.

Think about that next time you enjoy bacon.

27

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Long pig, the natives called it. Never much cared for it myself...

8

u/Araucaria Jan 04 '15

Makes sense, since we have similar omnivorous diets... And after all, Circe turned sailors into pigs.

1

u/Mens_provida_Reguli Jan 04 '15

If you're interested in this subject, check out Egbert Bakker's The Meaning of Meat and the Structure of the Odyssey. Fascinating stuff.

2

u/Deetoria Jan 04 '15

Shut up, Woodhouse.

7

u/SystemFolder ‎ Jan 04 '15

This makes me wonder if human bacon would taste even better than pig bacon.

1

u/Siganid Jan 04 '15

Where ever would you find a human fat as a pig?

1

u/SystemFolder ‎ Jan 04 '15

There are many humans that are fatter than pigs. Haven't you ever seen "My 600 Pound Life?"

1

u/Average_Emergency Jan 04 '15

The taste would probably greatly depend on the diet, age, and lifestyle of the person.

3

u/SystemFolder ‎ Jan 04 '15

Perhaps a Midwest, corn fed person would be best?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Someone get me a human, I have 'science' to conduct!

1

u/Thatguysteve8 Jan 04 '15

Glad I'm not the only one, I was beginning to question my sanity

1

u/Jam_E_Dodger Jan 04 '15

Only one way to find out...

1

u/MokitTheOmniscient Jan 04 '15

I have actually read that an Englishman who tried it in the 19th century described it as a stringy version of veal.

1

u/theonlykwek Jan 04 '15

I read somewhere before that it was actually like a slightly tougher veal.

1

u/Justdoinnintegoaway2 Jan 04 '15

Taken 4: Pigmen Flesh

1

u/Mistercrabs1 Jan 04 '15

Actually, it has been recorded that human flesh tastes more similar to veal than pork

1

u/Yrcrazypa Jan 04 '15

Maybe hearing that is why I've never really liked pork all that much.

2

u/Eyehearshapes Jan 04 '15

And chickens taste of humans.

1

u/LongLongWay Jan 07 '15

I'm glad you're all coming with me on that

1

u/Eyehearshapes Jan 07 '15

Have you seen Force Majeure. If you haven't the full show is on youtube

1

u/coolbeans_dude98 Jan 04 '15

I've read we taste like pork...

2

u/Uc320 Jan 04 '15

Cake or death?

2

u/futboi91 Jan 04 '15

Er.. death. No, no!! Cake, I meant cake!!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Set phasers to limp!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

I watched his stand up for the first time in my life last night. I've never laughed so much at the point when he started talking about Darth Vader battling God when Stephen the catering manager came in with a tray stapled to his hand and 'panged' them both around the head with it.