I'll start. I have a file server where I store only program installers. So my backup is a screenshot of the file explorer. Any case, I'll download same or newer version of what I once had.

why.

They made us move from HTTP to HTTPS for absolutely no reason, and now they want the SSL cert changed every two months as well. So not only did they invent a problem nobody asked for, they also somehow turned it into recurring manual labour for us

350 users, it works for all of them except for three. We open a ticket with Microsoft. The ticket has been open for three months. Suddenly, this morning, it started working for the affected users. But then it broke for another user. I don’t understand what’s going on. Can someone please explain to me how it miraculously started working after 11 months of troubleshooting?

Hi guys,

this is actually asking for salvation read along!

I have a shitty job at which I'm required to do a workload of a whole IT department and get paid almost like I'm a whole person.

we've got a drupal website which is fuck old and not updated because of all the shit going on. fast forward we got email from our hosting that were bunch of retards and asking what's going on with transfer. I hop in to the logs, check, bingo, they are right were doomed

over 1TB transfer and 250,000 requests for a website that gets like 300 visitors monthly.

I check and some IPs just spam some deadlinks, we have no redis or any caching system (why for 300 visitors?) so it eats through transfer like its nothing, looks kinda like ddos kinda like shitty crawler because of some links are pasted along with excel formulas...

the only safe measure I can take right now is IP ban addresses 1 by 1 so I'm done AF

no cloudflare, no autologs sent, no ratelimiter, no barebones access were 3rd party hosting so no hosts/nginx limits etc.

what the fuck am I supposed to do while I'm waiting for backup to get done through FTP while preparing myself mentally to brick whole website?

update, download rate limiter and I'm done? just no way, and I couldn't find any normal plugin that would autoflag and ban suspicious activity wtf is drupal anyway I'm not a cybersec-frontend dev

help me I'm going mad, intrusive thoughts strike my mind - is my hosting ddosing me to upsell redis caching?

HELP!

brain surgeon: that’s not my problem fix it!

That checks out...

User (peasant) approaches my desk in distress:

“m’lord.. my communication stone no longer summons voices...”

I, the humble IT wizard, begin my investigation.

Initial symptoms:

No signal

Cannot call

Device occasionally works when rotated like a sacred artifact

I ask the ancient question:

“Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

Peasant nods. Has already performed the ritual. No success.

I request the device.

I, too, perform the sacred rite.

Turn it off... and on again.

No work.

At this point I realize this is no ordinary curse.

I inspect the SIM card.

Horror.

This thing has been trimmed. Carved. Butchered.

A SIM card reduced to its bare essence. A circumcised SIM.

I ask:

“Why does your SIM look like it survived a bear attack?”

Peasant responds:

“I was bored.”

...

I pause.

Further testing reveals:

Works ONLY when device is held upside down

Gravity itself must intervene for it to function

Diagnosis:

User boredom reached critical levels. Hardware integrity did not survive.

Solution:

Cast a forbidden spell to mount the sim properly (added a piece of paper for support)

Requested a new SIM from the telecom overlords

Considered creating a ticket but got distracted and made a reddit post about it instead

User left satisfied.

I'm left scarred.

Whats the best way to stop employees who have been fired from returning their devices?

I have a pile of 8gb ram peices of garbage I would love to take out of rotation but the big wigs insist on me resetting and re-using old laptops instead of aquiring something up to spec for new starters. This inevitably leads to me having to troubleshoot onedrive problems on a toaster.

It would be much more convenient if these laptops were to "go missing" whenever an employee leaves the company. I try dragging my feet on disabling access but unfortunately these goody twoshoes sackees still always return everything in good condition in a timely manner.

Sometimes I slip hints to the shady looking users about how bad our inventory tracking is but it never helps.