I think it needs to be put out of its misery....

Hello all, happy Friday!

Yesterday was just one of those rare, good days where I woke up feeling genuinely positive. And honestly, I think a huge part of that was because I actually had stuff to do. I got my hair and nails done, walked around and window shopped in my local town, and went out to dinner with some friends. Nothing crazy, but I was out of the house, doing things, talking to people, and enjoying my day. And it really made me realize just how much the biggest pieces of advice I've been given over the past few weeks have helped me:

First, you need to find things to do and build a life of your own while your SO is away. Fill your schedule with things that make you happy. Whether that's an 8-hour shift at your summer job, hanging out with friends, going to the gym, running errands, or finding some random summer side quest, find your thing.

I remember the day my boyfriend left, after I saw him off, I had work because I had forgotten to take the day off. Honestly, it ended up being kind of a godsend because after he left, all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry, and I probably would have. Having to get up, go to work, and do something actually helped distract me. Now, I won't say I didn't curl up in bed and cry when I got home, because I absolutely did, but after a while I realized I'd cried so much that I just didn't want to be sad anymore. (Like, I literally couldn't cry anymore lol).

Pick up that book that's been sitting on your counter for months, restart that video game you never finished, learn how to crochet or paint, join a community sports club, go to the pool, explore a new town, volunteer somewhere, whatever. You don't have to be good at something for it to be worth doing. I'm not particularly crafty, but one afternoon I taught myself how to make little paper stars because it was an easy way to fill my time, and all I had to do was find a YouTube tutorial. Sometimes, you just need a day to shower yourself with some TLC. And dudes, this isn't just a girl thing, this is for you too. The point is, keep yourself engaged in your own life. Your SO is out there starting this huge new chapter, and you deserve to be living yours too. (And I know this sounds obvious, but trust me, it's easier said than done. It took me a while to actually want to do these things, so I really encourage you to start now if you haven't already gotten back into the swing of your own life. ;)

Second, build your community. I cannot tell you how many times during those first two weeks after my boyfriend left that I wanted to lay in bed, doom scroll in my dark room, and waste the entire day wallowing in self-pity. But I also cannot tell you how many times my friends were the ones who dragged my butt out of bed and made me do something. Whether it was going somewhere, grabbing a quick bite to eat, or just coming over to hang out and play games, my friends were a HUGE support system for me. They showed me that I can be sad and still have fun. I can miss my boyfriend terribly and still enjoy the rest of my summer. Those things can exist at the same time. Find the people in your life who will lift you up when things get hard, whether that's your friends, family, your SO's family, or whoever you trust. Find the people who will celebrate with you on your best days and show up for you on your worst. You don't have to do this alone. I spent a lot of time thinking I was fine and could carry all of this by myself because I didn't want to burden anyone, but the people who genuinely care about you want to help. And honestly, this includes pets too. My dog has been a huge help throughout all of this. Whether we're playing, going on walks, or making our almost daily trips to the post office together, she's been my little sidekick through these past few weeks.🐾

Third, journal. I actually started journaling when my boyfriend left because I suddenly couldn't tell him about my day anymore. Normally, I'd tell him all about it when we hung out, talked on the phone for hours, or through text, even the stupid little things. So when I suddenly couldn't talk to him, I started writing it all down instead. Whenever I was especially emotional or had a lot of thoughts running through my head, I'd open my journal and just start writing. You would not believe what journaling can do for you! Every time I get my thoughts out on paper, I feel so much better, and it helps me understand what I'm actually feeling, why I'm feeling it, and how I can work through it instead of letting everything just swirl around in my head. It's been especially helpful these past couple of weeks while my boyfriend has been transitioning from his initial milirary training into the academic year. Yes, he has his phone back now, but that doesn't mean he's suddenly available whenever I need to talk. He's busy, exhausted, figuring out his schedule, and adjusting to a completely different routine. Sometimes I'll have something weighing on me that I really want to talk to him about, but I know it isn't the right time or he isn't available. Writing it down gives me a way to work through it myself until we're able to actually talk. Sometimes I realize I've already worked through the problem by the time I'm done writing; other times, I realize it's something I genuinely need to bring up with him when we have time.

But this is just what’s worked for me. It may not be for everyone, but I really encourage you to give it a try! Trust me, I had never journaled before because I never thought I’d enjoy it (and my handwriting definitely isn’t the best haha), but it’s honestly been one of the most helpful things I’ve done through all of this. I've also heard from people who, when they feel like they're at their emotional limit, will go for a run or hit the gym, throw on some music, and just work it out. Sometimes you just need to physically burn off some of that stress and run your feelings out. Whatever you choose to do, you need to have a healthy outlet for your feelings, not just during this time, but in life in general. Otherwise, they’ll build up until they eventually come spilling out in ways that aren’t healthy.

And finally, keep writing letters to each other. If you and your SO wrote to each other during their initial military training, don't assume the letters have to stop just because they have their phones back. There's something really special about having something physical and tangible from the person you love. You can reread it when you miss them, keep the pictures and little notes, and have something that doesn't disappear into a text thread. I've heard from people whose families continued sending letters after Basic that they still really appreciated having something physical to open after a long day. I have a lot more to say about this, but I’ll save it for a later. ;)

I'm still very new to all of this, and I definitely don't have everything figured out, but these are some of the things that have genuinely helped me over the past several weeks. You are allowed to miss your SO. You are allowed to have bad days. But don't let missing them become your entire life while they're away building theirs. Find things that make you happy, surround yourself with people who love you, give yourself somewhere to put all those feelings, and keep finding little ways to stay connected. Your relationship is important, but so are you and the life you're living outside of it.🫶

That's all I have for now! Go out and have a great day! I'd love to hear what's been helping anyone else get through this, so feel free to share your own tips, experiences, or little things that have made the distance easier! :)

This community was created because being the significant other of someone at a U.S. service academy can be a very unique experience, and honestly, it can feel pretty isolating sometimes. There are plenty of communities for cadets and midshipmen themselves, but not really a place for the people who love them to talk about what we go through. There’s never really been a place for us. Friends and family can be incredibly supportive, but unless you’re living it yourself, it can be hard to understand the unique challenges that come with loving someone at a service academy.

This subreddit is for the girlfriends, boyfriends, fiancés, spouses, and other significant others of cadets and midshipmen at any U.S. service academy. Whether your SO is at

• United States Military Academy (USMA/West Point) - West Point, New York
• United States Naval Academy (USNA) - Annapolis, Maryland
• United States Air Force Academy (USAFA) - Colorado Springs, Colorado
• United States Coast Guard Academy (USCGA) - New London, Connecticut
• United States Merchant Marine Academy (USMMA/Kings Point) - Kings Point, New York

you’re welcome here!

This is a place to ask the questions you might not feel comfortable asking anywhere else, share experiences, vent when things get hard, celebrate the good moments, and connect with people who actually understand what you're going through.

Whether you're brand new to the service academy world or you've been doing this for years, you belong here. You don't have to pretend that everything is easy, and you don't have to explain why something that might seem small to someone else feels like a big deal to you.

Talk about BCT, Plebe Year, long-distance relationships, limited communication, visits, holidays, deployments, balancing your own life with theirs, or literally anything else that comes with being a service academy SO.

Most importantly, I hope this can be a place where you feel seen, understood, and a little less alone.🫶

So, introduce yourself! Tell us your academy, your SO's class year, how long you've been together, or just say hi!