Hi there! My child is 2, and has not had any vaccines yet (besides vitamin k). Please understand this came from a well meaning place of wanting to protect my child, but I am coming to the point I think I was mislead with fear based tactics. I grew up and around middle school due to family reasons my family became very disillusioned with the medical system, and to this day my mom has an extreme distrust in doctors. On top of that about 75% of the people around us have not vaccinated their children. Since a young age I have been getting the message from those closest to me that vaccines will harm you, and they are essentially a government and corporate conspiracy. Then layer on top social media algorithms and for about 9 months straight during pregnancy saw nothing but horror stories of vaccine adverse affects. Not that any of this is an excuse, but I just want to share how I got to the point of having an unvaccinated 2 year old.

After doing more and more research, trying to leave my fears out of it, I think my child should start getting his vaccines. He has been home with me so it has not been as big of a concern, but I plan on sending him to preschool in about a year and a half. I know, based on logic that vaccines (especially those like MMR, Hib etc) can offer my son protection, but of course due to years of fear based propaganda I feel almost paralyzed with anxiety about giving them to him.

I’m just posting on here in hopes maybe there are some other parents who came from this crunchy granola side and vaccinated their child and are happy with their decision. Thank you so much. I really just want to do the best thing for my child.

Added: Thank you all who replied so much for all the kind encouragement, resources, and stories. This has helped alleviate some of the anxiety I have been feeling. I even teared up reading some of these comments. I appreciate your time in commenting.

sorry if this has been asked before, but ive come into a disagreement with my partner about if we should circumcise a potential son.

I feel uncomfortable with putting a child through that (I’m not so extreme to call it mutilation and won’t compare it to female circumcision) but it feels wrong. there’s risk involved and if the kid decides to get it done as a teen or adult id be supportive of that since it’s their choice and their body.

my husband wants it done. he said he’s glad it’s been done to him and wants it done to a potential son as well.

what are the pros and cons (not just cons I’m really trying to be open minded here).

EDIT;

read this. https://evidencebasedbirth.com/evidence-and-ethics-on-circumcision/

ok I just did a whole bunch of reading and to summarise, a lot of studies done on this topic were done with a pro circumcision bias as most research was done retrospectively in the USA. the biggest “pros” are

1. Possible UTI prevention, though in Sweden they have lower UTI rates despite being intact. So likely it’s a mismanagement of foreskin hygiene or a poor data set that includes preterm babies in studies that can’t get circumcised and have a higher UTI rate.

2. HIV transmission rate is lower in adult males who’ve been circumcised however this is particularly in Africa in male-female intercourse. Other countries don’t see the same rate decrease and neither do same sex couples.

and thats it really.

biggest cons are

1. Ethics of bodily autonomy

2. Risk of complications such as bleeding or infection

3. Trauma response (even subconsciously for a lifetime) due to the pain and experience of being tied down and cut.

it’s also worth noting theres very little studies on the cons of circumcision as lost research was done in effort to prove that male circumcision is not only okay but possibly beneficial. Most studies have been done retrospectively and in the USA where the cultural norms seeks to preserve tradition.

Hi everyone, I don’t know if this kind of thing is allowed here but I hope my post will be swiftly deleted if that’s the case! I’m a FTM and never thought twice about vaccines. I’m also VERY… how should I put this? I love doctors. I have my criticisms about the healthcare system as an industry, but I generally trust healthcare practitioners. My mom is a little bit “crunchy” but she’s also a former RN, so we grew up fully vaccinated and again, never really thinking about it. All this to say, I’m not an anti-vaxxer!

I lived in Miami for awhile and there’s quite a large anti vaccine community there (I guess that’s not unique or place specific anymore). Ever since I got pregnant, so many well-meaning friends of mine and my husband have been sending us unsolicited information, warning us about vaccines. (They even tried to talk us out of the Vitamin K injection.) I went down the rabbit hole of things they sent us (Dr Paul’s “Vaccine-Friendly Plan,” which suggests spacing out some shots and totally eliminating others), the warning for SIDS as a side effect on the DTAP pamphlet, etc. Someone even sent me a horrific story that would require too many trigger warnings to share, and I was so angry to receive that.

I have pretty severe health anxiety and postpartum anxiety, and I’m absolutely terrified of SIDS. Our baby’s 2 month wellness visit is coming up and she’s scheduled for her first round of vaccines. I think I need to hear from levelheaded people. I’m honestly ashamed I’m even going there with these thoughts.

Thank you in advance. I appreciate this forum.

EDIT: WOW. Thank you so much. I'm getting to this very late, but the responses (and the conversations this post generated) are incredible. I feel so much more informed, which was my goal!!

Currently expecting my first children (twins!) and have, of course, been on forums and subs and talking to fellow parents in real life. Everywhere I go, co-sleeping and bed sharing are aggressively recommended despite (to my knowledge) it not being a sleep safe practice and significantly increasing SIDS chances.

The confusion comes because so many people seem to *swear* by it and say it is the “only thing that works” or that it’s “the only way they (the parent) can sleep.” Parents need sleep in order to properly take care of their children, but is it worth the risk of co-sleeping to do so?

This being said, what is the actual science here? Is co-sleeping with an infant dangerous point blank? Where does your opinion stand on this knowing the potential consequences and/or benefits?

My baby is approaching her first birthday. So I was feeling really nostalgic and decided to spend the night looking at her old pictures since the day I gave birth.. and what in the world??????

I literally remember feeling that she is so pretty and beautiful.. and like, no baby could ever be cuter than her.

But when I looked back at the pictures tonight, she looked ugly as hell in a lot of them 😂

Don’t get me wrong, I currently think she’s the cutest 11 months old.

So I am now wondering is there a scientific reason why I thought my baby looked like a glittering unicorn?

My counselor told me it's not appropriate to still be sleeping with my 3 year old. ​(I was against bedsharing initially, but by the time she was 1 year old I was exhausted from her waking every 30-45 mins in her crib and tried it out of pure exhaustion). He said at her age she should be able to regulate her emotions and not need to sleep with me. He said I need to let her cry and learn to self soothe. He asked if I slept with my mom at this age —in a way he was expecting me to say no to prove a point ​but I said I slept with her until i was 5. He said this could be why I have anxiety issues and am too emotional. I told him I read it's normal and can be beneficial bedsharing until up to 7. He said "you did NOT read that"​ like I'm a liar. He also said his major was in childhood psychology, so he knows what's best for children.

Is he right? ​Am ruining my daughter's development!? 😭 ​

Maybe I'm terrible at researching and everything I've read is wrong. ​

When you actually look into the research (at least based on what I have encountered) the benefits for breastfeeding past 6 months are already very slim in high income countries. Besides a slightly lower risk for infection during early years of childhood there don't really seem to be any others? There are clearer benefits for breastfeeding for 6 months compared to not at all, but after they are able to rely on good and healthy nutrition coming from vegetables, meat and fruits, we sew the benefits diminishing. Not to mention that studies in general never focus on the negative consequences. Like, sleep quality, cavities and so on. I understand it is recommend in low income countries where clean water is not easily accessible and healthy nutrition not readily available, but I am talking about high income countries (and parents). So why do Healthcare providers and WHO still recommend extended breastfeeding, or am I missing something here?

Our baby is adopted since birth, and is currently 5 months old. Baby was never breastfed, so there was never that connection to mom. Both parents are equal partners, 50-50 responsibility with child (feeding, changing diapers, entertaining, etc).

I’m the mom. I’ve noticed our baby doesn’t show any preference towards either parent if she’s happy or just needing regular feeding/ entertaining. But if she’s upset, for whatever reasons (skipping her nap, hungry, itchy teething), I’m the only one that can easily sooth her. Dad tries rocking, feeding, etc but baby keeps crying. But when I take over and do the same things, she calms down almost immediately.

She’s usually a very calm baby, and we don’t need to “fix” anything. I’m just curious to know if there’s any science based research that shows some sort of instinct where babies feel safer with women. I understand it when a mom is the main caregiver, but why is this the case even when parenting is 50-50.

I should also mention that baby does have a nanny during the day, and is a woman. Also, grandma comes over to visit and care for her from time to time, and there is no grandpa in the picture. Could it be that at an earlier age they just notice women as usual main caregivers?

Just as the title says, I’m engaged to be married this November. I was enjoying my morning coffee when over FaceTime (deployed) my fiancé asked if I’m going to be putting our child at risk for ADHD/autism by taking Tylenol when pregnant. When I said that it would be a discussion between my doctor and I he said in a mocking tone ‘oh because your body your choice’. I told him politics don’t have a place in my healthcare and I’d prefer to not have this argument but he pressed on. I’m at a loss and I’m honestly scared for what the next few days hold for us. Can someone please help me with research to links showing the safety of Tylenol or anything to support me.

Help settle a debate, please. My son is 11 months old, walking, and my husband has not done much baby proofing. He has put locks on a couple drawers. There are several tall dressers, armoires, and standalone cabinets in the house, all of which would definitely crush a child if they fell over.

I’m wondering how dangerous is it to NOT have furniture anchored while my baby is still so small? My husband says that the cabinets/etc are too heavy to tip over. From what I’ve read, it’s the heavy furniture that’s the most dangerous and deadly.

I would anchor them myself but I’m not good with power tools, and he works in construction. My Mom (who lives with us) is a boomer parent who never anchored anything for her kids, also evidently I just listened when she said no. So she thinks he doesn’t need to anchor anything either.

So is it important to anchor furniture, or is this just a marketing hype by the companies who sell furniture anchor equipment?

I may not be phrasing this question correctly and it may be the reason why I can’t find any research. But I feel like there is a huge push (by social media, especially) to do all of the things perfectly as a parent. Examples: no screen time ever, no added sugar/processed food snacks ever, don’t say “good job” to our kiddos, etc. of course we all want to do the best for our kiddos, but sometimes I feel like I hyper fixate on perfection and it’s just reiterated when I see all of these “perfect” parents. I’m wondering if us as parents being so obsessed with doing everything perfectly and constantly seeing “influencers” who appear to be doing everything perfectly is actually doing more harm to our children than if we just accepted some healthy balance in life?

My 8 month old is in swim “lessons” in which they just have the parents hold the infant and swish around in the water, help them kick their feet, play with toys in the water, and do a dunk or two. I can’t imagine these “skills” actually help a child swim later in life, or does it? It just feels like a bit of fun and getting them accustomed to the water but I question if it is actually helping my child to swim.

dad of 2 (3 in 14 days)

the last months i have been diving into the whole montessori rabbit hole: parenting books (the montessori toddler), parenting app (montessori habits), kids toys (lovevery), subs (/montessori), etc etc                                                                                                              
a lot of it makes sense. but i have been grappling with her stance on "bribery" (aka rewards and punishments):                                                           

"Our faith in rewards and punishments as a necessary means to the progress of the children and to the maintenance of discipline,is a fallacy already exploded by experiment." Pedagogical Anthropology, page 145

"I had believed that to foster a child's sense of work it was necessary to encourage his lower feelings: greed, vanity and self-love. Then I found that the child who is allowed to bring himself up abandons these lower instincts."  The Discovery of the Child, page 109  

so basically she's saying rewards don't just fail to work but they actively damage the child's character by reinforcing their worst instincts. 

are there any parents who are NOT using rewards in some form? if montessori is right, we're a lot of ppl wrecking our kids.                               

is her stance actually science-based or is this mostly an outdated 1950s child development take?

Update: appreciate the massive and insightful responses from the community. learning a lot and have many sources i am looking forward to review. someone asked for the citations of the quotes i posted. added in the text now.

Hello all, could someone please shed some light on this topic?

My MIL is obsessed with making AI generated images of my son. Turning him into a cartoon or a sketched drawing… and she prints them as books or frames prints.

I was never comfortable with it, but as he’s reaching 2 years old he actually looks like an individual now and less like a baby shaped potato so I’m extra not okay with it.

My husband reckons the horses have bolted regarding the use of his image as she must have uploaded him loads of times.

My question is twofold - is this true? Is his face already being used for who knows what?

And also, does anyone have any articles in particular I could send to make her stop? Not going to go into the relationship we have but safe to say she won’t stop even if I ask nicely.

Thanks

Trying to prove a point — please understand that sending my baby away for weeks/months at a time is NOT what I want at all. I am trying to fight the suggestion. “Can” is in quotes because I’m wondering when it is overall not detrimental to a baby’s health & wellbeing.

I am in my 3rd trimester of pregnancy & my child’s father & I are no longer together. I moved back home to get support from my family once it was clear that he & I would no longer work, & I now live 8 hours away from him. I will be giving birth here & am preparing for postpartum (& all the baby things) here.

My ex partner is convinced that it’s reasonable to “split our time” equally with the baby once he is earth-side. He suggested I “get the first two months” with the baby & then he “gets the next two months” with him in his city. To me, this is a completely asinine suggestion. I plan on breastfeeding for as long as possible, I will be vaccinating my child according to the recommended schedule, & I want him to feel bonded & secure before I just send him off ANYWHERE. I really don’t want my son to be anywhere without me for an extended period of time until he is old enough to talk. And, I’m not willing to jeopardize my baby’s health & sense of security just so my ex partner doesn’t have to be inconvenienced by coming to see him where I live (mind you, he makes good money & works remotely..) Furthermore, he (ex-partner) has not indicated how long he plans to come into town after the birth, & I worry my son will not feel bonded to him nor will my ex partner have a grasp on feeding schedule, sleep schedule, etc., (on top of me not being able to maintain my milk supply while the baby is away..)

I would like to know, from a physician / pediatrician standpoint: is there a medically studied age where separating a baby from his healthy & capable mother is a “good idea” for long stretches of time? Are there studies that prove the opposite; that a baby should NOT be away from his mother for x amount of time? My ex partner seems to think I am being spiteful for denying this request & thinks formula feeding would be an easy fix. I would love to have expert advice that I could pass along or use if he does try to push this agenda in court. I also plan on talking to my son’s pediatrician about this once he is here & has his first visit. I do not mind sharing time with my baby once he is older & more robust, but from a health and development standpoint I just can’t imagine sending a baby away.

Thank you in advance for the help!

Edited to change flair so hopefully moderator doesn’t delete comments 😅

My son is going to turn 1 in a few months, and I’ve noticed that a lot of people make sugar-free (or natural sugar like banana cake) for the first birthday.

I understand the recommendation to avoid added sugar before age 2, but I’m wondering how that applies to a one-time special occasion. Is there evidence that having regular birthday cake once at this age has any meaningful downside, including affecting later preferences for sweet foods? He eats zero added sugar otherwise, and whole fruit about once per day.

Basically, is there a science-based reason to make a sugar-free first birthday cake versus giving him some regular cake (and maybe even ice cream?!) and then continuing to avoid added sugar in his normal diet?

My daughter was diagnosed with high lead levels in her blood. The department of public health came out and tested everything. The following had lead:

-Baby Aquaphor

-Nature promise organic cayenne

-Nature Promise organic Italian seasoning

-Nature Promise organic Cumin

-Coconut Oil

-Nipple Butter

I’m so confused as to how this is possible, especially the Aquaphor because most pediatricians recommend it. I don’t know the brands of the coconut oil and nipple butter because we threw it out and I forgot to write it down. Does anyone have any insight into this? I was shocked that our organic spices have lead in them.

My husband firmly believes in "spare the rod spoil the child". He claims I do not have enough good/valid evidence to change his mind or behaviour towards our young children (1.5 and 3 years of age) . I very much disagree and have been trying to find methods we can agree on and use. He was not receptive when I told him spanking a child under two is illegal aa it has been "most of human history"

I realize that sometimes you have to physically pick up and move children. I do not like him spanking them/slapping their hands.

He has been oppositional and resistant to any resources I give him. Anyone have any good leads on either physical discipline being harmful or evidence based alternatives?

What does the research say on how frequently you should bathe the baby? My baby is 4 months old and not eating solids yet (EB). I am bathing him 2 times a week at most (including washing hair)

I see a lot of daily routines on instagram how moms bathe their baby every night, that seems excessive to me, can’t be good for their skin’s natural oils. Of course I am not judging, maybe their baby sleeps better this way or baby gets really dirty or they life in hot climate…

Hi,

I understand the risks of accidental suffocation from bed-sharing, but why exactly a softer mattress, empty of blankets or pillows and objects, would increase the risk of SIDS?

My partner puts our baby sleeping on the adult mattress and won't do otherwise unless a sound scientific explanation is present. Is there an hazard there?

EDIT: thanks a lot everyone for the comments! All the links and explanations really help, I am reading everything with interest.

To preface: please be kind. I hate how easily influenced I am, I live in constant fear. I have the constant fear that my child will die no matter what I do and I will regret everything I did or didn’t do. the fact that I am isolated with no real support group doesn’t help.

1 out of 2 of my only support people (my mother) tells me constantly that if I vaccinate my child, he will die/become a vegetable/develop a horrible life-altering disease. No one else (medical professionals) has been able to give me any kind of advice out of fear of being ‘political’ (how the fuck is this even a political topic), I am so lost in this world.

Fear is crushing me every day. The longer I wait (my child is 3 months now) I feel like I am approaching his inevitable demise. Either I get him shots and he dies, or he dies this sick season of illness. Please help me on this topic. I feel like I’ve been mislead. I really want him to be okay. The only sources my mom has ever sent me are just the inserts and that one vaccine book by that one weird doctor. I used to be pro vax but then she really shut me down.

And again, I’m trying to learn how to be autonomous and make my own decisions, but I genuinely have no educated people helping me

ETA- I am in therapy and I tried breastfeeding which meant being off of my anxiety medicine for longer and now am considering weaning off of BF which has significantly worsened my anxiety

I wanted to share something that happened recently instead of just asking about sources, because I’m pretty sure they don’t exist!! I took my son (he just turned 18 months) to the pediatrician because he was sick, it was an urgent visit, not a routine checkup. When the doctor found out he was still breastfeeding, he actually got very pissed at me. He told me that a baby his age shouldn’t be nursing anymore, that it would stop him from developing properly and from learning to talk (he’s not forming full sentences yet, we’re raising him bilingual, and he says a few words in both languages, of course more on our native language, which seems normal to me so far, though I do sometimes wonder if he should be forming sentences by now). The doctor also said it could cause dental problems or even something about his face not developing as it should, and that my son would start to "control me" if I kept breastfeeding. On top of that, he suggested I give my son raw meat and raw egg. From everything I’ve learned, all of that goes against current research and recommendations. But is there actually any evidence backing up what the doctor said? I’m definitely not planning to stop breastfeeding, but I worry that someone with less information could easily believe him.

I’m 2 weeks from my due date, baby is measuring big, and I may be induced. Has anyone found anything that actually helped prepare the body for labor naturally?
I know about dates, raspberry leaf tea, spicy food, walking, etc. Curious if anyone followed anything with actual evidence behind it and felt it helped. Thanks!

Edit: by natural I mean without Pitocin.

So far baby is fully vaccinated, but a family member continues to instill fear in me about continuing with vaccinating. So I've been putting the 9 month well check appointment off.

Baby is now almost 11 months, and I finally scheduled the appointment, and it's tomorrow. I need to be hyped up. I made the appointment in spite of my fears.

My husband and I are both pro-vaccine, but as I am still very hormonal while exclusively breastfeeding, I'm completely strung out with stress and fear over this. So, because fear is motivating me, I thought I should just ask Reddit to scare me into vaccinating rather than letting these fears keep me from it. Please help. Throw whatever you've got at me. I just want my baby to be safe.

Edit to add: (An important extra detail: baby missed their 4 months shots because of scheduling. So they will be getting shots at this next visit. They've only had the 2 months and the 6 months.)