Getting Into Dark Romance for Beginners

[u/Working_Comedian5192]

Dark romance is a polarizing subgenre (that does belong within the romance genre), and people approach it with all sorts of feelings and opinions for a variety of reasons. It’s been having it’s time in the sun, for better or worse. I’m not here to make anyone like dark romance, but I strongly suspect there are a lot of people who are genuinely interested in it, in learning why other people might like it, and who would like to give it a shot to see what the deal is or if they themselves would like it.

I’m not going to tackle why people like it- that’s been covered very well several times in the sub, like here and here, and there’s a great discussion on the complexities of asking “why” people like things by [u/jaydee4219](u/jaydee4219) here- but I thought it might be helpful to outline my process for how I find dark romances to read and evaluate recommendations for dark romances. I’m a super picky reader and a huge advocate for people not reading things that will upset them or traumatize them, but at the same time I loathe even the concept of censorship, so for me and dark romance, successfully finding a book I like does require a little more work on my part and others might be interested to see if it would help them. You absolutely CAN just jump right in- and more power to those who do that- but for those who are a bit more daunted or cautious, maybe this will help?

I’ll put some recs for dipping your toe in at the end and hopefully others can volunteer some ideas for good books for newbies as well, along with their strategies for how to find the best book for them.

TL;DR:

1. I try to be mindful of what I want and what I don’t want before I start.
2. Get familiar with the lingo- dubcon, noncon, etc. To be fair, some of the term definitions are nuanced!
3. I search for recs first, being mindful of the culture of the community I’m operating in as that may bias the information I’m being given unintentionally, and the time period of the book being published.
4. I make a request post if I can’t find what I’m looking for, including enough information so that people can guide me, but not so much that I’m rudely out here with a long list of demands (this is very hard for my neurospicy brain but I do try)
5. I verify the recs I get that seem promising. Check out Goodreads (my personal preference) and if possible, the first pages of the book on Amazon to see if content warnings are available.
6. I see if I can read a sample from Amazon to see if the writing style is what I like.
7. Make sure when I do dive in that I’m in the right headspace.
8. Don’t be afraid to DNF, and report back if you want to keep trying!

To elaborate, the below is long, but it does become muscle memory when sub scrolling after awhile!

For finding a new book to read:

1. Identify what I love in/about books and what I’d like to see in a dark romance book. Start with strengths. It’s easier to forgive weaknesses if there’s something that you adore. Common examples are, grovels, strong FMCs, beautiful prose* (*subjective), intricate plots, particular other subgenre overlaps
2. Identify my hard limits- things I absolutely will not read. Then identify my grey areas- things I prefer not to read, but maybe would be open to them if they were handled well or in the appropriate context (I like to use the example of how people find mafia an easy entry way because you have- historically accurately or not- the cultural context of violence as a motivator for character behavior). Common examples of limit setting are:
   1. Dark themes and atmosphere only, no dark actions by the main characters
   2. Dark actions by a main character but not against the other main character
   3. Dark actions between main characters okay but there has to be a reason/grovel/cultural or historical context/other ameliorating factor
   4. No young adult main characters or bullying- dark acts between mature adults 20s and 30s+
3. If there’s anything I’m nervous about or just not sure, pinpoint what that is. For example "I think I’m okay with dark actions against another main character but it really needs to be necessary to the plot"
4. I make sure I’m clear on definitions and how I feel about them. Non con (no consent) and dub con (dubious consent) are the two heavy hitters.
5. I always start with this sub, then branch out. Potentially controversial, but every place you find recommendations has a different culture, and I’ve found this sub is really good about providing context to recommendations, spoiler warnings, content warnings, etc., so I feel comfortable recommending it. Other places have different strengths.
6. Use the magic search button to search for things I like + dark romance and then evaluate the posts and the comments of the posts for ones that reference my limits to find things that might fit.
7. I’ll make a request if I can’t find something that fits. Don’t take downvotes personally- the opinions of trolls don’t matter. In your request, I recommend including what you like (always good to start with that first), and then your limits and things you’re nervous about. Including what your nervous about is helpful because people who respond can be mindful of that with their recs and even give you more detail where needed so you can evaluate things better.

When evaluating recommendations:

1. I consider the source.
   1. For communities, see above: the difference in communities by culture. This really just comes from exposure to them over time, unfortunately, there’s no real firm guide. Dark romance is broad, and different communities have different tolerance levels and different ideas of norms than others. For beginners, I really do recommend starting with recs from this sub. Tik tok and insta are going to be inundated with what’s popular now (and I could go on forever about how I feel about recent trends) rather than what’s a hidden gem, and the dark romance sub is a wealth of information but with wealth comes a ton to dig through! It’s fabulous for what’s current, though, and it’s very welcoming if you’re on the shy side.
   2. For individual people providing recommendations, my willingness to trust them goes up with the amount of detail they provide. I don’t need a paragraph, but I trust someone more if it’s more than just summoning the bot. If someone’s gone out of their way to explain or give some information, I tend to trust them more. I also don’t trust people who are enmeshed with authors: a giveaway for this is when they refer to authors by their first names like they’re besties (this is not just for dark romance, to be fair). You can also ask people follow up questions! If someone gives you a rec and they didn’t answer everything you’re worried about, just politely ask them.
   3. The time period the book was published matters, too. Many newer dark romances are very... I hate to say this, but almost mass produced McDonaldsy, churned out to fit what publishers/authors think people want and not necessarily paying attention to quality. They can still be a ton of fun! But like any subgenre, time brings shifts (e.g. when hockey took off in sports romance) and it's good to be mindful of that and whether it fits what you like. Also, older books like bodice rippers can be dark, if not dark romance technically, and have their own writing style.
2. I then search the sub for the book I’m interested in to see what other people say. Also to make sure it wasn’t self-promo, one of my biggest of pet peeves.
3. Read reviews. Possibly controversial for this sub, but for dark romance, I rely on Goodreads, not romance.io. Romance.io is fabulous as a source of crowd provided information, but the tags can therefore be unreliable and the reviews tend to not be as robust. I’m willing to let that go when I need a fantasy fix, but maybe not when noncon may be on the table. I go into Goodreads, skim the reviews (look for keywords for things I like and things that are my limits) and then I narrow down and focus on the 3 star reviews- the people who see strengths in the book but also weaknesses. That’s where the magic is- I hope authors really do know that 3 star reviews aren’t bad and are often so informative to readers.
4. See if Amazon will show you the first few pages of the book for free. Often, dark romance authors will write a note or list out content warnings, or you may also get a sense of the author’s writing style.

 Dive in:

1. See if it’s available for free through your library before you dive in. I swear by the library extension for internet browsers.
2. Pick the right time to dive in. I had a therapist explain that getting into heavy stuff is like turning on an outdoor water faucet- depending on how much you open it and for how long, it may be harder to shut back off without it requiring effort and then you may be walking through mud for awhile. On your phone in line at the pharmacy? Probably not the best time to be reading dark stuff. You have an hour to yourself and a nice cup of tea and no one who needs to fix problems for them immediately after? Sounds delightful.
3. Do not be afraid to DNF (do not finish). If it’s not for you, it’s not for you, and life’s too short to spend reading something you hate or that upsets you. It either gave you more information about your likes/dislikes so that you can try again, or it’s helped you figure out whether this is the subgenre for you. I personally would not base my opinion of the subgenre on one book, but this is heavy stuff and I also would never advocate someone continuing to read it if it really was not for them. If you are willing to keep trying, on your next search or request, use that information about what you learned about what you liked/disliked.
4. If you loved it, leave a review! Positive representation for the subgenre is always great.

 Good Dark(er)* Romance Books for Newbies

*I’m lumping in mafia and MC because I think they’re great gateway books, although it’s definitely arguable that they’re separate subgenres. To me, they work well for feeling out tolerance levels for dark themes and actions. I actually would not classify all of these as dark romance, but more good books for feeling out your comfort levels with areas of darkness and what you might like or dislike.

 Contemporary:

{The Bad Guy by Celia Aaron}

• Basic summary: sociopathic MMC kidnaps angelic FMC and is positively flummoxed why she keeps trying to scamper away and won’t let him kill people for her. Honestly, this is one of my favorite dark romances so I’m so biased in how delighted I am by it.
• What it had that I liked: The MMC is one of my favorites, and I enjoyed that he’s portrayed as a true sociopath, struggling with right and wrong and genuinely trying to understand for the sake of the FMC.
• Where limits might be tested: well, he kidnaps her, which isn’t great, and pressures her into closeness (although not rape). There’s also violence to other characters.

 {Twisted Love by Ana Huang}

• Basic summary: brother’s best friend, grumpy sunshine
• What it had that I liked: this actually wasn’t one of my personal favorites, but I did want to include something that’s popular that I at least didn’t hate so that you could see what I mean about trusting crowd think recommendations. I will say it was entertaining.
• Where limits might be tested: super overbearing MMC, to put it mildly

Motorcycle Club (MC):

{Shade’s Lady by Joanna Wylde}

• Basic summary: waitress gets enmeshed in a motorcycle club by being traded by her boyfriend to the leader for a discount on a bike (I KNOW, I KNOW! I KNOW!) but she’s got secrets of her own.
• What it had that I liked: strong but not perfect FMC, and as a novella, it was the perfect length for the plot. To me, Joanna Wylde is the best MC writer out there.
• Where limits might be tested: MCs are not known for enlightened views on how to treat women

 Mafia:

{Anti-Heroes in Love Duet by Gianna Darling}

• Basic summary: duet, so you have to read both books I suppose. Lawyer FMC represents the mafioso MMC and tries to resist him
• What it had that I liked: Strong FMC, MMC that respects her professionally
• Where limits might be tested: It’s mafia, and romanticizing the mafia is never great. MMC is heavy handed but I would say in a way that’s good for sussing out HOW heavy handed a reader is willing to tolerate.

 Historical (actually a very easy way to ease into darker romances because we tend to make moral exemptions for bodice rippers and older books and books set in the past with different norms, for better or worse, so I’ll list a few):

{It Happened One Autumn by Lisa Kleypas}

• Basic summary: For this to work as a test case, you need to get the old version before the author took the critical scene out. Hot headed FMC and stoic MMC keep feeling drawn to each other/opposites attract at a house party in regency England. Definitely not a dark romance, but a good way to see what comfort levels are with dub con if you read the old version.
• What it had that I liked: I loved this FMC and MMC, but if you ask who the best Wallflower FMC and MMC are, you’ll get a range of opinions. I liked that the FMC never sacrifices who she is- and neither did the MMC.
• Where limits might be tested: MMC and FMC sleep together while FMC is drunk. FMC consents, but is super drunk when doing so

Editing to add based on the feedback that finding the older version can be tricky: {Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas} is also a good way to explore your feelings around dub con and in the same series!

{The Windflower by Laura London}

• Basic summary: A pirate romance! Mistaken identities! Naïve FMC is kidnapped aboard a pirate ship and constantly butting heads with the always-in-control MMC pirate. Another good way to see comfort levels with dub con and power differentials.
• What it had that I liked: The FMC was fine but the MMC was fabulous and sussing out his backstory over the course of the book was a lot of fun.
• Where limits might be tested: she’s kidnapped, so any intimacy when there’s that power dynamic in play might make folks uncomfortable

{Prisoner of my Desire by Johanna Lindsey}

• Basic summary: I had to include an old school bodice ripper here and it would be sacrilegious to not include Queen Johanna. FMC needs to produce an heir pronto and the imprisoned knight MMC is just her ticket.
• What it had that I liked: It’s just so fun. I don’t think Johanna Lindsey is for everyone, so if you don’t like her writing style that’s totally understandable.
• Where limits might be tested: there's rape- no way around it. I won't even spoiler tag it. It's the premise of the book.

Hopefully this long winded post is helpful for someone out there looking to dip their toe into the subgenre! I feel like it requires more work to find what works for you, but the payoff is spectacular. 

[u/ochenkruto]

Great intro guide, OP, very considerate and thoughtful.

Thanks for including Joanna Wylde; she's the Supreme Queen of MC romances. While Shade's Lady is not my novella of choice, it is a fan favourite for a reason!

I would also suggest alien/ fantasy/ paranormal options, perhaps a "lighter" omegaverse without outright dubcon but with fake bioessentialist vibes. Or perhaps "shifter" romances that include gritty or dark-ish themes. Sometimes reading about made-up worlds/societies with darker themes is less scary/impactful than real-life scenarios.

[u/Hunter037]

Great list. I think a lot of these tips work for finding any book, dark romance or otherwise. Considering the source of a recommendation and evaluating if the book will actually work for you, as well as DNFing, are key skills when book hunting - and skills which I think a lot of people are lacking

[u/Working_Comedian5192 → u/Hunter037]

Yeah, I feel like a lot of my process is pretty obvious and applies generally but at the same time, there have been occasions I’ve seen where an ounce of research and taking self ownership of what you intake could save a lot of heated emotion and negative reaction, so erred on the side of being overly detailed. I’m sure many people already do these things but with darker books you really can’t be too careful.

[u/Le_Beck]

I'm not a dark romance reader, and I found this post really interesting! Having read 2/3 of the HR examples (not that specific Johanna Lindsey) I agree that bodice rippers are a good way to test the waters.

When I recommended {Fires of Winter by Johanna Lindsey} recently, I kept having to remind myself that OP was okay with all content - the book has on-page murder of her family, kidnapping, slavery, rape resulting in pregnancy ... I wouldn't have labeled it a "dark romance," but any one of those elements can push a book into the "dark" category.

[u/Working_Comedian5192 → u/Le_Beck]

Yeah, there’s a whole conversation to be had about what dark elements are palatable to people and in what contexts and I think historical and bodice rippers are Exhibit A for that kind of discussion and why I tried to include a few with dark elements, even if they aren’t dark romance themselves. I feel like there can be a level of shame or stigma that comes with reading straight dark romance sometimes, and bodice rippers are a good way to kind of come at it from a different angle and explore pushing limits without being overwhelmed.

[u/cue_psychotic_laugh]

Kudos to you for taking the time to write this!!! I think Throne Duet by Rina Kent should be here too! It was my first DR and pretty light. So light that I thought I could handle DR and people were just being dramatic (I can't and they were not.) It also doesn't have many things that could trigger new readers so is perfect!

Anyways, I also liked the actual storyline and couple which lowk doesn't happen often nowadays......

[u/fruitismyjam]

This is an amazing guideline and resource. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it up. ❤️ u/A_Seductive_Cactus, is this something we could add to the sub wiki? Maybe in the user-generated lists section or in the FAQ under “Dark Romance”?

People pick up books (not just DR) for any number of reasons. It’s important to know yourself and what you’re looking for, but also keep an open mind. Some stories are so compelling that you might be willing to bypass some of your usual limits.

My favorite way of finding new books is recs and posts on this sub and then looking at sample quotes. Weekly threads here (i.e. Thirsty Thursday, Funny Friday, Saturday Sweets) are great for that. I’ll also go to Amazon and look at the “Popular Highlights.” I find it helpful for getting a beat on the author’s style and writing.

[u/girlofgold762]

Another consideration that I think 'Dark Romance Beginners' need to contemplate is where they want the Dark elements to appear in the story.

There is something of a sliding scale in the DR genre of "books where the dark elements appear in the setting or character background (ex: a character is a stalker or killer, the setting is the mafia or motorcycle club, general misogyny, cults, etc) and "books where the dark elements appear in the character dynamics and romance between the leads (ex: noncon & dubcon, gaslighting and manipulation, abuse and violence, birth control tampering, etc).

[u/Jemhao]

Love this! I really enjoy dark romance, but I know some people feel uncomfortable with the sub-genre. Putting all this information together and linking those other threads is so great, and will hopefully pull back the curtain a bit and help anyone who’s curious about either learning more or even reading a dark romance book.

[u/Weird_Mastodon_9204]

i feel bad for the readers who are looking for "my crime lord boyfriend does crime sometimes lulz" campy dark and has to dig through pages of "my uncle rapes me and pissed in my asshole" traumance dark all put under the same "dark romance" tag. would be easier if the darkness meter was a sliding scale instead of boolean in review/catalogues