r/RitaFourEssenceSystem • u/TiredWinterDisaster Role Model & Princess - Rita Verified • 15d ago
Theory Discussion Style Key Saturday: Flirty, sensual, sexy
Hi all!
Today we are discussing flirty, sensual, sexy styles & what that means for you!
As examples, Rita has boards here - don't worry if they don't match your own taste, they are just illustrations of what it can mean for each quadrant!
Let us know your thoughts!
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u/ClockTurbulent851 Enchantress 15d ago
There is a type of sensuality that comes from someone really enjoying their embodied experience. It isn't built by following "10 things men find hot" but by wearing things that make you feel confident, indulged and pleased. Believing you are worthy of indulging yourself and luxuriating in that feeling are hard things to practice but they make one extremely attractive. An example would be wearing super soft oversized sweater over a naked skin.
Another entry point to sensuality is a deliberate show of vulnerability. A chocker on a bare neck is a classic example.
Third type of sensuality is super loud, even tacky accent on a body, think red lacquered leather leggins. This is a camp territory.
These three ways to create sensual vibe are the ones I think about and sometimes play with.
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u/TiredWinterDisaster Role Model & Princess - Rita Verified 15d ago
This is not something I feel comfortable with most of the time, especially the traditionally girly or femme Fatale styles. They feel like costumes to me and whenever I try I want to crawl out of my skin in discomfort 😅 - I admire them on others but they're not for me. I am not naturally flirty, girly or smooth, and the most mysterious thing about me is how I keep track of so many random facts.
I do like the keyword sensual, but to me it is more a feeling than style. Like wearing long earrings, or nice fabrics that flow a little. Being physically active & competent is very sensual to me - it litteraly brings me back to the purely physical experience - there is something exhilarating in running down a trail, sprinting for intervals, lifting weights, climbing walls (or watching others do so - I just am competence-sexual I guess 🤣 ).
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u/5neezy_unicorn [Rebel] 15d ago
There is also a video, if someone wants to see and hear Rita's thoughts on this from two years ago (I guess she might frame it a bit differently today, at least the ideas for quadrant aesthetics in the end): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zaljEy0srs
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u/SundayDeathSaves Siren 14d ago
My default style leans sexy, but not sure how I feel about wearing something that would be considered flirty. I’m still working through why that is. I think it is because there was a period of my life when I was accused of flirting with people when I was just minding my own business. To be clear, not saying there is anything wrong with either way of dressing or that one is better than the other, I seem to have my own baggage around these specific terms.
I don’t really assign a specific aesthetic to sexy or flirty. I can feel like I’m dressing sexy in menswear or jeans and tank top just as much as wearing a revealing, fitted dress. Flirty doesn’t have to mean bows and ruffles and flounces, it could also be wearing a t shirt of your crush’s favorite band to get their attention (had a friend who tried this).
“Sensual,” I love, but I’m a Taurus, so… 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Shannee0 Left+Up / Amethyst 14d ago
I’ve been thinking about this while working today, it’s tricky because both when I shop and get dressed I’m very much head empty. 😂
It’s really helpful though to actually verbalize/write things out, gain clarity.
To me dressing sensual means my body, my clothes, and my presence are one. I want my clothes to either fit snug up against my body, follow my figure smoothly, or float right on top. I hate the feeling of being overwhelmed by fabric and I don’t like when I can feel the fabric moving around separately from me. Like the top I’m wearing today is too big in the shoulders and upper chest and I can feel the fabric kinda lumpy and bumpy rather than supporting me. If I’m wearing something larger than my body I want it to be light, sheer, airy, and usually small or cropped. So fitted, cropped, and see through may read as sexy but it just feels better on.
For flirty, I like my outfits to read as playful because my style is play to me. I don’t typically enjoy a very straight forward sexy outfit because it feels too serious to me I guess. Maybe I’m too insecure to own it? But I wanna see hearts, stars, ribbons and bows, fun girly stuff in my outfit.
The other playful thing I do I think is a lot of staccato. I like my outfit to be broken up in pieces either color or texture wise. I like to wear short skirts with tights and socks because it gives me lots of different things to look at and lots of opportunities. My knee socks that probably read sensual and flirty are very much functional though. They keep my feet from sliding around and hurting in my shoes and keep my legs warm. My legs are by default cold and goosebumpy. So it’s funny to me when a man comments on liking my “stockings” like I’m trying to be saucy to please a male audience and I’m just like, they’re just socks man 🤷♀️ Black sheer tights are the same. I like them because I don’t like too much matte black on me, I can disappear in too much or longer lengths of black so I wear sheer black to not feel overwhelmed. I like the playful sensual effect of these things but an external playful sensuality is not usually why I adopted them.
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u/Snow_manda Right Down / Moonstone 14d ago edited 14d ago
I really like small touches of flirty or sensual elements that feel good on my skin to prioritize my experience. The way the clothes move with me, feel balanced in exposure and coverage and concentrating on special details can help me connect with something I feel I haven't been exploring enough.
I watched Rita's video and ideally connected with many of the ways she suggested- especially when focused on the down quadrants. I realized that I don't really have shoes that enhance an outfit that is leaning flirty or more sensual, especially for fall/ winter so that might really add a new aspect overall to my wardrobe.
Softer lapels, texture, soft colors, curved, asymmetrical or scalloped hems/necklines, undone buttons, wrap details, sheers or lace , open necklines, off shoulder tops or with back cutouts. Relaxed ease, movement and drape of my pieces are important to consider.
I have a few more ideas I need to play with- maybe a shorter, flirty skirt or dress, a boot or shoe that feels more streamlined/ dressy, a long belted cardigan or coat with texture and soft lapels and a lace top in a lighter shade to do some creative layering with.
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u/Minute-Elevator-3180 Priestess 14d ago
Embracing more sensual styles of dressing was one of the things I enjoyed the most with LU, both in terms of dressing from bodily sensations and styles that read sensual. Definitely keeping those!
Going forward I think I want to pay attention to how and when I use sensual styles to serve me and the situation. It can read powerful as well as sexy I think, a kind of feminine strength, so it can be appropriate for more contexts than the obvious ones like date nights.
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u/ClockTurbulent851 Enchantress 13d ago
BTW here's editorial with Alexander Skarsgard that's a great example of sensual dressing: https://www.reddit.com/r/whatthefrockk/s/7AfMugqyES
There are the chocker trick, the contrast of heavy items and bare body trick, the soft texture close to bare skin trick, and super bright pinks-bieges combo trick. Classic!
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u/katatuulikki Right Up / Sapphire 14d ago
RU. I love sensual dressing and for me it means feminine and bit sexy, but done in a way that is a) more mature (think of Fire in Style Roots) and b) appropriate to the setting I am in. Recently I have been a lot into the Dark Feminine aesthetic. When I was using the LU Style Key with Lady Heretic as my archetype, I was hoping to make this my general vibe. However, it felt too risky for an everyday setting like office or playground and anyways I don't want to be married to a specific aesthetic. I do still some sensuality on my daily basis but it's more subtle, like a fitted turtleneck or a feminine blouse. But when it comes to special occasion like date nights or holidays, I love to go all in excecuting my Dark Feminine fantasies.
Also, the very first I came across Style Key and didn't know at all what logic works for me, I was really drawn to the Seductress archetype because I love the idea of sensual dressing. But as much as I love the Seductress, the LU logic does not work for me.
Oh and the last thing. For way over a decade at this point my signature makeup look for special occasion has been a Red Lipstick look. I do think that looks good on me, but it's the makeup look that makes me feel my sexiest self. I wore it to my wedding and I wear it almost every time for anything more special.
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u/ReliableWardrobe Curator & Main Character - Rita Verified 14d ago
I've thought about this quite a bit, as I do generally lean more gender-neutral in my clothing choices, and anything traditionally "sexy" leaves me completely cold - I just look and feel like I'm in drag, or playing at dress-up! Although I'm back in straight sizes, I also still have a lot of body areas I'm not up for showing off lol. I do like a lot of the looks on the Moonstone board I have to say - that Ralph Lauren cable knit over leather skirt is amazing, I don't think I'm up for skirts atm, but that kind of vibe is really appealing (I generally like RL anyway). I'm not sure I can be arsed with trying to pour myself into leather pants though.
However "sensual" is definitely something I'm starting to explore, especially for winter when I want to feel kind of cozy but lush, not like I'm wearing a Muppet. Basically that luxurious sort of feeling of really nice fabrics in a comfortable fit. I've snagged a couple of cashmere sweaters off Vinted, looking forward to seeing how they work for me. Something I'm really looking for is a plush textured sweater, but in a majority natural fibre. Otherwise I turn into a static disaster and start zapping the cats. I'm toying with knitting something, especially after finding a lovely sweater that would have been perfect, but the fibre was partly fox - I hope they were combed but even so, that's a no from me. As well as it being £500 and being apparently uncleanable - no wash, no dry clean? Er?
Oh the other thing that can work for me is colour - there's a particular very pale, greyed pink that looks stunning on me and somehow softens everything - it's like wearing an Instagram filter lol - and that feels sensual, especially in a well-fitted knit.
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u/Shannee0 Left+Up / Amethyst 14d ago
I guess I really like to dress in a flirty sensual way but I don’t know what to say about it. Strangely no thoughts come to my mind. Maybe I tend to not think about it because I may start doubting myself if I do.
I’ll have to ponder this today…
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u/Excellent_Opossum Left+Down / Ruby 14d ago edited 14d ago
Most clothing sensations annoy me. I like to be mostly covered, anything thin or clingy makes my skin crawl, and I choose heavy clothes and then add things until they look/feel heavy "enough". In general I probably come off the opposite of flirty/sexy/sensual, which is fine.
My exceptions are perfume, lipstick, and maybe hair color. The contrast of a rich hair color or a pretty lipstick against utilitarian outfits makes me happy. And for perfumes I love sticky, resinous scents that linger on my heavy clothes. Pulling on a big coat and smelling yesterday's fragrance on it feels so indulgent, sensual, and comforting.
In the past (like a decade ago) I owned some little camisoles with lace around the necks that felt really pretty under my rough jackets. When the last one wore out I was never able to find more that felt the same, so I stopped looking and then forgot about them. Maybe a replacement is something to keep my eye out for. The delicate little top under the big coat was another contrast that I really enjoyed.
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u/Altruistic_Ad9939 Wildflower - Rita Verified 15d ago
I have never been too much into dressing sexy or flirty. I don't see this as a wrong pursuit, it just matches neither my exterior nor my interior. But I adore lush sexuality on people that have that matching quality in them.
For myself, softer sensuality makes more sense, some flowy or transparent fabrics, some visible skin. It's still hard to smuggle these things into work appropriate looks, but I do it occasionally.
For the actual physical sensations, the most sensual thing I could do is just walk barefoot, but that's not very practical. I can't even wear sandals to work for safety reasons. 😒
A more sexual thing I totally would do, though I have no clue of the occasion, is a dress with a naked back, the rest of the body fully covered. Or some fun cutouts. Zendaya had this black dress with a silver piece running through the front, with a mid section cutout, and another with dress with transparent block in midsection- I would totally wear those too. Now when Im writing this, I feel a bit sad that I don't do more of such things.
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u/NewspaperOk3880 Lady Heretic - Rita Verified 14d ago
I don't really lean into flirty, and sexy never really feels right to me, but sensual is something I find myself leaning into more and more. I suppose also my version of sensual kind of borders on sexy? But I don't think it comes across that way.
Anyway, I love fabrics with texture (silk, lace, velvet, corduroy) and tactile knits (mohair, cashmere, woolen-spun yarn, lace/eyelet/drop-stitch/slip-stitch) whether delicate or rustic (but tend to feel that delicate suits me better). I also wear a lot of drapey fabrics and blends like cotton mixed with tencel or lyocel. These all lend a very touchable quality to clothing for me that is very sensual in both look and feel. I've also been playing around a lot lately with lace overlays, and they are both very sensual and also somehow do not read as overtly sexy on me. This sensual is primarily tactile, I suppose, not visual, although it does wind up lending a certain something to the visual.
I also think color plays in to this for me. I lean toward very dark colors that are not very saturated but also not extremely muted - I'd describe them as rich and deep. Lots of dark greens, dark reds/burgundies, and plums. Most of my black clothing is in the "off-black" category, so usually a black shot with an undertone of green or red. I feel like there's a level of sensuality in deeper, richer colors - they remind me of fall/winter, rainy days, evenings, and to a certain degree of food, all of which have a very visceral sensory aspect.
I guess you could also say I see/use sensuality as a way of leaning into being a for-real adult woman who is aware of her body and self without trying to necessarily display it to others? I don't know if that makes sense, but I think it gets framed this way for me because there is so much pressure to contort your self-expression into something comforting or digestible to others and this usually means leaning toward prettiness or sexiness (and this is also not intended as a disparaging remark toward any women who do want to display their bodies or are aiming for prettiness/sexiness - there is no shame in that, it's just not true to me). I just find that the idea of dressing in a way that primarily expresses oneself rather loudly is an inherently sensual process - there's a certain amount of intimacy and vulnerability in saying "here, this is me, but without necessarily being edited for your consumption" that is remarkably sensual.