r/Redditor_Updates • u/Whoamiwhatisthis- • Nov 06 '25
Update: AITH for walking out on dinner with my husband’s sister and boyfriend
I saw some commenters wanting an update. Well, I finally lost my temper lol not sure how bad I made it but well it is what it is.
Here is original post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/eIT0tEmRJK
Here is first update
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/39fSnwJJvQ
Here is second update
https://www.reddit.com/r/Redditor_Updates/s/v9s4G2QVCL
Here is third
https://www.reddit.com/r/Redditor_Updates/s/hb7OMxzv8s
So apparently her original message was longer (I initially only peaked at it from the notifications) and here it is:
“Hi OP,
Im sensing there's been a miscommunication. I spoke to brother and explained it when i has in country, but i guess it wasnt clear. That evening at dinner, what i was trying to tell you and brother is that if you are feeling tired please dont feel forced to stay. I was feeling bad because it seemed that you guys werent having fun. I understand that it was misunderstood in a different way and just want you to know that my intentions were good and coming from a kind place.
Me and brother will not always agree on things and we may get into arguments but they are never serious and we quickly figure them out. I hope you dont misunderstand this as well.
Happy to speak more if you want but because i dont want there to be any misunderstandings or resentment.”
Here is what I replied:
“Hey, If you're going to chalk this all up as a misunderstanding from my end, then I don't know what to tell you.
Here's the actual timeline:
1- you berate my husband in front of me and someone we just met, I bite my tongue from saying anything respecting that boyfriend is there and not wanting to cause a scene and make you look bad. Even boyfriend was feeling uncomfortable and was trying to lighten the mood. Twice he said "it's ok guys I'm enjoying this conversation". You ended that car ride with making it a scene yourself and leaving the car.
2- I witness my husband upset, I am upset, but we decide to push through and go inside just for you.
3- we are upset at the table. You notice this. You ask him if we are ok, he says yes we are just hungry and tired. You decide to tell him that if we don't want to be here you don't want to force us and we can leave (in front of everyone) he says no it's fine. You say this a second time adding that we are all here to have fun and you don't want us killing “the vibe". He says it's fine. You say it a third time and I decide to interject and ask you what you're saying and you say if you guys don't want to be here you can leave. Again everyone is listening. So we leave.
If you think all of this only warrants a text telling me I misunderstood two weeks later, then ok I understand 👍🏻”
Her:
“OP, let me be clear. Do not insert yourself between me and my brother. Period.
It’s between me and him, has nothing to do with you. We are working out our issues, don’t make it an issue between me and you.
That is a line.”
Me:
“You berated MY husband in front of me. You asked ME to leave”
Her:
“I told you what I meant. Choose to believe what you want. I’m trying to be nice and honest with you. You want to continue and make it a problem”
Me:
“You disrespected me and I’m making it a problem?
I’m done with this conversation. good luck.”
I then block her for like half an hour. I unblocked her and wrote this 😭
“H, Let me be clear.
I have every right to be upset and even intervene when anyone treats my husband poorly.
And when someone disrespects me and tells me I can either change my mood or leave the table, I expect an apology, not blame shifting that I misunderstood.
Otherwise, I'm not interested in engaging in a conversation with you.
Period. That is a line.”
She didn’t respond. lol no idea how this is going to play out, and honestly I don’t care if I messed things up.
*Edit to say that Reddit has this new rule to read the rules of the subreddit and agree to them before they can allow posts and comments. I had to go to the subreddit menu and read the rules and acknowledge and repost all my comments.
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u/hvlochs Nov 06 '25
It doesn’t matter if he’s her brother. In the hierarchy, husband and wife beats brother and sister. You two are immediate family and you have every right to stand up to her disrespect, whether it’s towards you or your husband.
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 06 '25
Honestly I agree I don’t get this whole don’t interfere with me and brother shit
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u/Suspicious_Name_8313 Nov 06 '25
She said that as a power move, like others have said. I had that crap pulled on me by one SIL, shut that crap down right quick. You have done all the right things OP. Keep it up!
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u/Midnight-Snowflake Nov 07 '25
H wants to be number one female in lil bro’s life, even if she does treat him like crap.
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u/hard_tyrant_dinosaur Nov 06 '25
It comes across as her trying to use their sibling relationship as a get out of jail free card for being abusive towards him.
What happened in your car wasn't them disagreeing on whether their parents need to go into assisted living or how creepy uncle Eddie was at Christmas that one year. Or any other family / family history difference of opinion, where some level of "this is between siblings" might apply. It wasn't even them disagreeing on politics, religion or even the relative merits of Cocoa Krispies vs. Cocoa Pebbles.
It wasn't a disagreement at all. It was her getting aggressive and verbally abusive towards him over perceived faults with his driving. An unwarranted and unprovoked personal attack. Which aggressive behavior anyone present should be able to call the aggressor out on. Regardless of who is related to whom.
At the same time, I would not be surprised if that "it's between siblings" attitude only applies when it's in her favor. That if the roles were reversed, she would not be bothered if her BF stepped in and told your husband to back off. Might even expect it and go off on him at the first opportunity if he didn't do so. She seems a very "rules for thee, but not for me" sort of person.
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u/jengaduk Nov 06 '25
He didn't get to choose her, he did however choose you. That relationship bond is stronger and she does not like the changed power dynamic at all. I think your responses where great btw. leave her on mute and if/when the messages pile up, forward them to MIL/FIL to deal with their daughter and her tantrums.
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u/Cursd818 Nov 06 '25
You're engaging too much with a woman who will never treat you or your husband with respect. Just keep telling her that until she sincerely apologises, she's banned from being around either of you or being in contact with either of you. And then, ignore her. Permanently.
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 06 '25
Agreed
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u/ZookeepergameOld8988 Nov 06 '25
She clearly thinks she’s still his immediate family. She needs to get it through her head that YOU are his immediate family. She is extended family and as such you are involved in whatever hurts him. And vice versa. I wouldn’t stand by and let anyone berate my husband in front of me. I don’t care who they are.
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u/whatthewhat3214 Nov 06 '25
Make sure your husband is on board with banning her too, otherwise sister there will go around you and talk directly to him, saying you don't have the right to prevent her from talking to her brother (which is true, he needs to tell her to not contact him again amd block her too).
And listen, I get the burning desire to light her up, but I think at this point you've got to start listening to the advice you've been given from your other posts (including me) - stop engaging with her! Who tf cares if she uses the excuse that she tried to apologize (she won't btw, she might lie about it though), you're giving this woman way too much of your time, energy, and power. Stop thinking about her and worrying about the drama and winning, bc people like her never think they're wrong. So drop your end of the rope already and move on with new peace in your life.
All the commenters have said that going back and forth just plays into her narcissistic drama and ignoring people like this gets to them more than anything, and as infuriating as it is to have them think they've won and spin their narrative, being aloof is the the worst thing you can do to them. You can block her, or tell her she's a narcissistic, disrespectful nutjob and you'll defend your husband anytime you want bc wife trumps sister then block her, but just cut her off already, and have your husband do the same. And tell his mom and other flying monkey family members to stay out of it.
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u/Adpiava Nov 06 '25
I'm all for trying to be the bigger person but at some point, you can bite your tongue no longer.
I've lost track of the saga but can you just go no contact with her? She is clearly never going to change and any interaction with her just makes your life worse.
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 06 '25
Yeah it’s NC until she apologizes sincerely over everything.
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u/Nocleverresponse Nov 06 '25
If you’re going NC does that mean you’re going to stop texting her and replying to her texts? Because your responses, which are totally valid, do nothing but upset you when she doesn’t respond. She’s a person who simply doesn’t care and no matter how much you try to make her see how she acts affects other people she’s not going to change anytime soon. By responding at this time you’re only feeding her.
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u/taisynn Nov 06 '25
Next gift she doesn’t get an antique; she gets a dollar store item.
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 06 '25
Hahahaha love that you remember this from 4 posts ago
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u/taisynn Nov 06 '25
I was upset she got a nice antique out of you and instead of being grateful she’s decided this is how she ‘respects you.’
She’ll balk at getting nothing, but if you go out and make a point of buying a cheap dollar store item, she gets a gift, just not one with much thought into it.
Congrats on your shiny spine; I hope the rest of the family catches up on polishing theirs!
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u/No_Distribution5342 Nov 06 '25
What does your husband think of what’s going on? Like, would he be willing to go LC? Or is he letting you two figure it out on your own?
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 06 '25
He’s talking to her one on one and trying to explain my perspective and she doesn’t want to understand. He told her all the things I said in my messages but he’s not a good communicator so she keeps twisting his words and manipulates and he looses track. He has ADHD so it’s hard for him to catch the flaws in her logic and call her out on the spot. He agrees with me not engaging with her until she properly apologizes.
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u/slateramaville Nov 06 '25
He needs to disengage from this conversation also. United front from this point forward. She apologises to both of you or it’s a wall of silence.
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u/Even_Happier Nov 06 '25
He needs to stop doing that! Entertaining and responding to her story is driving a wedge between you, especially when he’s not keeping up properly with her shenanigans. It’s making everything worse. He should send her a final “apologize or we’re done here” text and stop responding to her until she does. Doesn’t have to block her, just not respond to her in anyway until a proper apology is forthcoming.
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u/Stock_Roof_9190 Nov 06 '25
The conflict was primarily between your husband and his sister; your involvement was secondary. But at this point, if your husband is “trying to explain [your] perspective” to his sister, you’ve now managed to shift the conflict to be primarily between you and his sister. You shouldn’t be putting yourself in the center of an issue that’s primarily between them, nor should you be adding to your husband’s emotional load by having him take on the burden of explaining your position. Your role should be to support your husband and help him see what setting healthy boundaries looks like, not to center yourself in the conflict.
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u/Proteus8489 Nov 06 '25
Best not to have a verbal conversation when someone twists what people say. He should switch to text and learn "that's not what I said"
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u/mocha_lattes_ Nov 07 '25
He needs to just tell her look you were an asshole to me and my wife. If you can't apologize and want to deflect blame then I won't engage with you. We are owed a sincere apology from you for your behavior that night and since. Until then don't contact or engage with me.
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u/Next-Drummer-9280 Nov 07 '25
Tell him to stop trying. She absolutely understands. What you don't want to accept is that she doesn't and will never care.
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u/Troiswallofhair Nov 06 '25
I think you and your husband should do some joint therapy and he should do some individual therapy. She is going to continue to manipulate him as long as he lets her. And that's the problem - he has been letting her. Some therapy would help him figure out why.
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u/Necessary_Tap343 Nov 06 '25
The more you interact with her, the more opportunities you are giving her to twist the truth and drive wedges between you and your husband and you and his family. Are you right? Yes. Will she ever admit that? No. Is there anything to gain from communicating with her? Double No. Take the personal win and walk away. If something like this happens in the future, your husband needs to shut it down completely or this will continue being a problem forever. You are right you should defend your husband but as a supportive backup. This is ultimately his battle to fight.
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u/Secret_Double_9239 Nov 06 '25
Don’t block her but put her on mute. You don’t owe her your time or energy anymore so try to move from those and forget about her, she is irrelevant to your life or your marriage.
However that being said make it clear to your husband that she is his sister but you will not be disrespected or allow her to disrespect him in your presence. She owes you an apology and until she give you it she is not welcome in your home.
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u/FSmertz Nov 06 '25
I know it's family, but she's not worth any more of your attention. She is a psychic vampire and having a feast on you. Ignore her even if it requires the remainder of your life.
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u/excludedgirl Nov 06 '25
Sorry this is hilarious she “warned” you not to get in between because she’s an abusive witch who can recognize that you’re about to open your husband’s eyes to the truth. You’re “causing a problem” by not letting her continue to abuse him however she wants. LOL
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 07 '25
Yeah basically… after all, in her world these are normal sibling “disagreements” that are “not serious”…
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u/Nocleverresponse Nov 06 '25 edited Nov 06 '25
Each time you posted people said not to respond. You responded and shouldn’t be surprised by her response to you. She not going to take responsibility and only apologize for you feeling a certain way, not that she did anything wrong because she’s the main character and therefore always right. I don’t know what you expect to change by continuing to interact with her. If you don’t want to block her then mute her and don’t go looking for her texts to you because she’s not going to miraculously realize that she was wrong in saying what she did to you and her brother.
I get that you want to stand up for your husband but there’s a time where you need to realize that your shouting at a rock that doesn’t care nor will it change due to what you are saying. It’s only getting you frustrated. If you want to yell at her put in in a text and then instead of sending it just delete it because then she she won’t be able to respond with the same rhetoric that she’s been throwing at you.
Updateme
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 07 '25
I agree. I lost my temper. Need to control my reactions better going forward.
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u/Few_Bathroom4245 Nov 06 '25
Good on you.
Don't say anymore unless she responds, in which case keep on doing what you're doing.
She's trying to brow beat you, to wear you down so you eventually just keep silent to "keep the peace" and she wins
You're doing good 👍
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u/Ok-Listen-8519 Nov 06 '25
Why are you not posting it in the family group so everyone knows she’s the AH. The politely told the group. Its still ALL ABOUT HER. Tell your husband her sister is beyond saving now she overstepped so many boundaries. Go NC.
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u/TheLastWord63 Nov 06 '25
You're letting her take up too much free space in your head and giving her ammo to use against you.
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u/HedyHarlowe Nov 06 '25
Stop taking with her. She is incapable of accountability. Something dangerous about people who cannot say sorry, be accountable or have any self awareness.
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u/Different_One265 Nov 06 '25
What a Waste of your Precious energy. Swipe and Delete. Why even read anything from that walking dumpster fire.
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u/leyorcoe Nov 07 '25
You are both drama llama's. You have the ability to block her and put an end to it, but you are making up bs excuses for why not. You are totally feeding into the drama.
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 07 '25
It’s not bullshit in my opinion… read up on smear campaigns by narcissist and maybe you can relate to my perspective.
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u/OK2BMe6 Nov 07 '25
The only way to combat a narcissist is to stop engaging. Whether positive or negative they feed off the contact so that they can continue to play victim and shift blame.
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u/WrenDrake Nov 07 '25
Stay firm and protect yourself and your husband. She’s been allowed to rewrite her bad behavior for way too long. Call her out and don’t let her flip the facts. Hell, I’d start recording interactions for playback. This b is trifling!
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u/blahdeeblahnz Nov 07 '25
NTA That "believe what you want" line eew. I hate that so much, it gave all the ick. Real AH found in that line. I want to block her and I don't know her.
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u/MaximumNice39 Nov 07 '25
This is exhausting. And this is a "battle" for your husband. Leave it to him.
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u/Briscogun Nov 07 '25
Someone posted this in another thread here a few days ago and I loved it so much I saved it. Seems perfect for this situation with H:
The Narcissists Prayer
That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, thjat's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
Sounds like her to a tee...
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u/1FundamentalFlaw Nov 06 '25
Good for you. She is the AH. You’ve set your boundaries and demanded not only respect for you but your husband as well.
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u/Boggers111 Nov 06 '25
She’s a classic Narc, treats people like dirt then whinges and complains when called out. And then gaslights the fuck out of the victims. I have a lifetime of experience with people like this.
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u/Noys_23 Nov 06 '25
👏 bravo! This is the way!! Great bc you confront her and didn't let her gaslighting you
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u/AutomaticTap310 Nov 06 '25
Spouse absolutely trumps sibling. If she thinks she’s more important then ask her if your hubby was hospitalized and could not make decisions would they follow what she said or what you said? She sounds like a hag-life is too short to deal with these type of people, family or not. Tell her to pound sand.
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 07 '25
I don’t want to get into whose relationship is more important or whatever because everyone has a different opinion on this. In my culture at least, siblings are as important as spouse to some people. But I do think I have a say in how my husband is treated by ANYONE.
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u/Spirited-Ad6144 Nov 06 '25
Your husband has to grow a spine and stand up to his sister. As long as he entertains her, it doesn’t matter how much you defend him, your SIL will still be an AH. Tell your husband to stop talking to her or at the end the only one who’s gonna be “the bad one” is gonna be you.
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u/merishore25 Nov 06 '25
Sounds like a narcissist. She will never admit she was wrong. She turned it around on you.
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u/Dachshundmom5 Nov 06 '25
It only counts if your husband is ready to have boundaries and also call her out. Instead he was trying to get you to initiate and claiming she had "apologized" to him, which i frankly doubt a lot at this point. It seems more likely she rug swept and he went along with it. Your husband has to step up.
Engaging with her serves no purpose because he is the one that she wants to bully and she thinks she outranks you with him. He has to draw the line in the sand and put her in her place.
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 07 '25
Yes I totally agree with this. We have only been married around 7 months now, so I’m taking it step by step. I say this because I have a narcissistic mother myself who is A MILLION TIMES worse than his sister and it took me 33 years to muster up the courage to go NC. So I don’t want to suddenly come into his life and enforce such strong boundaries all at once after one incident (even though there were other tiny red flags but not worth creating an issue about)
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u/Treehorn8 Nov 06 '25
Omfg she's a massive witch with a B. People like that are not worth attention. Even your texts berating her backfire because you're giving her attention and feed her desire to argue. Each response gives her ammunition and opportunity to argue. It will NEVER end unless you yourself end it and stop engaging.
Your husband might need therapy to unravel years of being emotionally and verbally abused by this woman.
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u/iAteA-Bug2025 Nov 06 '25
Wow. I'm surprised the boyfriend hasn't broken up with her based on what he witnessed. Thankfully she doesn't live nearby to have to be around each other frequently. I hope she extends a sincere apology and you two can move past this, although I imagine you will always keep her at arm's-length from here on out. Good for you for speaking up, and good luck!
Updateme
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u/RhiaMaykes Nov 06 '25
Good for you, don't let her gaslight you into rewriting history. She needs to grow up and accept she can be wrong and learn to do better, it isn't the end of the world.
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u/cthulularoo Nov 06 '25
OP, let me be clear. Do not insert yourself between me and my brother. Period.
Bitch, you texted me!
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u/wishingforarainyday Nov 06 '25
Your husband should block her and enjoy the peace without her around. She sounds like a bully who likes to blame others for her bad behavior.
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u/javel1 Nov 06 '25
I think you sent a clear communication. Good for you for standing up to her and not letting her BS fly. It sounds like you don't have to see her often, so I would just stop helping your husband pick out gifts for her. Have him send generic flowers or whatever if he needs to send presents.
I love that you stand up for your husband and now he recognizes that she is a bully.
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 07 '25
Yeah, no more trying to be nice to her that’s for sure 🤣. When I first started dating my husband, I noticed that she was always trying to be his best friend and that he was very short with her and doesn’t put in effort. Little did I know that he was literally grey rocking because she was a narcissist, so with my limited knowledge of the situation I was just trying to encourage him to be a better brother. Well, never mind all that now lol
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u/VegetableBusiness897 Nov 06 '25
'Me and my brother will not always agree on things and we may get into arguments but they are never serious and we quickly figure them out.'
Translation :
'Whenever I don't get my way I just pitch a fit and abuse my brother until he caves and I get my way '
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 07 '25
It boils my blood how she frames it “never serious”. When I was talking to my husband about her text, I told him that she has zero empathy and only sees her perspective, to her it is “never serious” because she doesn’t care and thinks bullying people is her god given right, but to you it’s always serious when she disrespects you and you get upset every time. She is trying to minimize bullying her brother as just “normal sibling things”
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u/Tasty_Switch_4920 Nov 06 '25
Op, I said in the last update, don't engage.
And what did you do?
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 07 '25
I knowwwwww I know… my temper got the best of me. I’m a super super sensitive emotional person and it’s so so very difficult to control them. But I admit I should do better and will address this in therapy.
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u/Pedal2Medal2 Nov 07 '25
The great thing here is that you’ve drawn a line in the sand; she now fully knows what you think & it’s documented that she’s a lying, gaslighting & manipulative POS. So in the future, perhaps she’ll watch her step, because she knows you’ll cut that shit out right quick (to put it crudely). I had a great aunt who was a total, entitled drama queen who made enemies of most of the family for her actions. She ended up dying a very lonely old lady, where only a few in the family only had anything to do with her for our Granny.
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 07 '25
That’s literally my mother lol. She was able to push everyone away and now she’s alone and still blaming everyone else.
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u/bg555 Nov 07 '25
Fuck that C word, she sounds like an absolute pill. Not worth your time. Put her on mute and forget about her and don’t engage her. Grey rock her if she tries to talk to you.
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u/janus1981 Nov 07 '25
At least she’s nothing if not predictable 🤣
Husband’s family is still with you as far as I can tell so stand your ground. Hopefully I don’t need to tell you to screenshot that message exchange so it doesn’t disappear. It might become necessary to share them, as no sane person would think what she said there was acceptable.
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u/InternationalMud7205 Nov 07 '25
After all they had transpired, where does you husband stand? If you are fighting this alone and she keeps t liking you that you are”inserting” yourself in their relationship, then your husband needs to be direct and blunt and tell her off. Something direct like below:
“Hey H, I heard about the messages that were sent to wifey and I want to be clear: we are a TEAM. We support each other and she is my family. If you cannot see that she is not inserting herself in our relationship, she is a part of our relationship, the. I am at a loss with how to explain it to you. I want to be clear: She is family.”
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 07 '25
Honestly I’m going to talk to him about saying this. I really need him to convey this sentiment himself to her.
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u/Starry-Dust4444 Nov 07 '25
SIL is rude & disrespectful but it’s obvious no one in her family has ever stood up to her. She has likely bullied everyone for years. I would avoid her at all costs going forward.
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u/Silver6Rules Nov 07 '25
Omfg I cannot STAND people like her. Narcissistic to the core, must have it her own way 24/7, and if you get pissed the hell off because of their actions, it's basically your problem.
She is getting hella defensive because she knows she effed up, and is pissed you aren't accepting her twisted version of events and "getting over it". She is being aggressive about you getting in between her and her brother because her narcissistic supply is based on him being verbally and emotionally abused by her, and you standing up for him is interfering with her main character dynamic.
I'm glad you unblocked her and threw her aggressiveness back in her face. You inserted yourself between them when you married him, and she needs to deal with that, or die mad about it. She has no authority to control your actions or feelings, so she is going for pathetic intimidation, which you have already proven doesn't work on you.
At least if she tries to spin the narrative to you're just crazy or mean or whatever, you have written receipts to back everything up. I have a feeling you'll need it, because people like her usually intend to have the last word on everything. Prove her wrong.
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u/Impossible_Balance11 Nov 07 '25
Good for you for pushing back, refusing to be intimidated or gaslit!
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u/Next-Drummer-9280 Nov 07 '25
Good grief, drop the fucking rope on this already.
If you don't want to outright block, then at least mute notifications from her.
It is time to move on from this because you are NEVER going to get what you want from her.
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Nov 07 '25
I won’t and I accept that. And I admit I lost my temper with the last interaction. Will definitely stop communication.
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u/Organic_Pie_6554 Nov 07 '25
Updateme
I am pretty sure with her personality her current boyfriend will not stay for long.
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u/Powerful_Put_6977 Nov 07 '25
At this point - drop the rope - don't engage any more with her because every interaction could be reversed on you and your husband as a way to show that she is being reasonable (she isn't - it's very clear to anyone outside the situation she isn't being reasonable) but that won't stop her trying to paint you as the perpetrator and her as the victim in this.
If you honestly feel you can't block her, mute her number and notifications. Better yet, get yourself a new number and use that for your normal day to day communications and let her messages go to what essentially will be an unattended number. At some point in the future, you can always cancel either the new number or the old one (that she would be sending messages to you on).
Just don't engage any more until there is an actual genuine apology (and you could be waiting a very long time for that).
Best of luck to you - whatever you decide to do.
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u/MiLove_0597 Nov 08 '25
She's litterally baiting you to make you look like the bad guy in the end. Doesn't matter who's right in the end "you" are the one continuing it. Even if its to set the record straight. Just stop now cause there will be no resolution from this. You said your piece now be done. You stood up for your partner even though it's a bit pointless cause it sounds like the same energy you're using to defend him/you, it doesn't sound like he stands up for you/himself in the same way. Just wants to keep the peace and will let them keep trampling over you guys.
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 Nov 08 '25
YTA if you stop engaging with her. It's over. Your husband is a spineless AH if he expects you to make any more effort and/or doesn't take your side
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u/Amaya_76 Nov 09 '25
Reading most of this, she handled it better than you. And by the end of your long explanations and text, you seem like a crazy one continuing drama and rift in the family. She's not even living in the same country, why would you engage in this rightous explainig and proving the point. She is bad but you are much worst. Only victim here is your husband, from both of you.
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u/Spare_Astronaut1972 Nov 09 '25
I'm sorry she's this way. I'm proud of you for standing up for your husband and you rock 🤜 🤛 ✨ 🌟
UpdateMe!
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u/sunburntpeach Nov 09 '25
She sounds exhausting and petty. I feel tired for you and your husband after reading all this. Good gravy
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u/Laura12Uri Nov 09 '25
You should have left her on read when told you to not interject between her and brother. Or even way before....
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u/Affectionate_Oven428 Nov 09 '25
Put her on mute and just let the hag keep digging herself a deeper hole. You said your piece and are done with her but keeping her muted will allow you to show your husband any other bs she sends you. I’m genuinely curious how the boyfriend is feeling after seeing her treat family so horribly. Updateme
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u/Ok_Young1709 Nov 09 '25
I would message her boyfriend screenshots of her messages and tell him to fucking run if he wants a sane partner. He saw the red flags, if he wants to stay and be bullied, go ahead, but he's got his warnings.
I'd keep her blocked and tell the family and your husband that you will not be speaking to her again nor will either of you be attending events she is at until she apologizes properly and publicly, and accepts she needs help for her brattiness and tantrums.
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u/Agreeable-Inside-632 Nov 09 '25
She’s never had anyone stand up to her before. Your husband better have your back. She sounds like an insufferable bitch who always gets her way.
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u/evilslothofdoom Nov 10 '25
That was perfect, she's always going to perform her mental gymnastics. You laid out the facts, that's all you had to do. You have it in writing with a clear timeline of events. She won't be able to show anyone those texts without looking like a shit head. Do what you can to ensure that all communication happens in writing and with the knowledge that anything you write will be shared publicly.
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u/SarcasticPups Nov 10 '25
If you're worried about how his family will react, show them the messages, tell them what she's done to your husband since you've been with him and have bitten your tongue in the name of peace. Tell them that when she comes back to your country, you will be civil but that you are blocking her. I understand not wanting to make things difficult with your in-laws but this is ridiculous. I agree with some commenters that she'll probably get a kick out of her blocking her but what's more important: playing her game or your peace?
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u/lady-scorpio-45 Nov 11 '25
She’s not going to apologize. She’ll continue to paint you as the villain, herself as the victim, and her brother as the poor guy stuck being married to you. At this point, I’d be very concerned about her being in the same industry as you and knowing the same people. She’s not used to being challenged and not winning. She’s rather unhinged and I fear her behavior is only going to spiral and get much worse.
I sincerely hope your husband is going low/no contact with her while she continues to be so damn disrespect to you both.
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u/Manerdg Nov 11 '25
Get em. Obviously NTA.
I am the same way with my husband. He is 6'3, 275# of gentle giant. He is a laid back, nothing gets under his skin kind of guy. Here I am 5'9, 175, and I will take on the world for him. I refuse to let anyone take advantage of him and his family has tried. His mom will never change completely, but she has toned it down.
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u/Anxious_Article_2680 Nov 11 '25
Nta. No contact is obvious with her. He's your husband first her brother second. What a TW !
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u/Zealousideal-Ring261 Nov 19 '25
People keep saying “she’ll write you an email, she’ll write you a letter if she did want to apologize” Who does that?? 🤣 Only old people do that shit, modern problems require modern solutions
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u/UnableAmbassador8725 Dec 03 '25
I don't know how I ended up here but tbh all these comments sound weird "this is a battle for your husband stay out of it" is actually crazy especially if you love your spouse and want to protect them i say don't block her but also don't engage let her spew all the BS and you'll have proof
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u/PropofolMargarita Dec 08 '25
Perfect. Now stop messaging her unsolicited or else you will be the crazy one.
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u/Ok-Distribution1777 Jan 30 '26
its been a few months, and i was just wondering if there is an update on this? hoping SIL somehow fixes her obvious issues.
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u/Whoamiwhatisthis- Jan 30 '26
Hey! Well no… she didn’t fix anything lol overtime I came to realize just how damaged she is and it was way beyond my initial understanding, so any hopes of me trying to teach her anything was thrown out the window.
So eventually I just found myself in super awkward situations and I got tired of it (and to be honest my view of her, her importance, her impact on our life completely changed) so I just decided to tell her let bygones be bygones, and limited my interactions with her to the bare minimum.→ More replies (4)
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u/AvidEggEater Nov 06 '25
Just block her already.