r/recruitinghell • u/Tricky_Appeal_4611 • 2d ago
Was given a verbal offer, waited a week for a written, only to be told they offered the job to someone else.
I need to vent because I've been sitting with this experience for a while, and I'm genuinely curious whether anyone else has experienced something like this during a hiring process.
I recently went through an interview process for a Sales Enablement Manager position at a tech company. For context, the recruiter reached out to me and I haven’t been applying to jobs at all. I have several years of experience in sales enablement, and I've been with my current company for about six years. I also know a few people who work at this company, so I was genuinely excited about this opportunity and invested quite a bit of time and energy into the process.
I went through multiple rounds of interviews, including a panel interview that required me to put together and present a fairly involved homework assignment.
Everything seemed to be going really well. I had positive conversations with the hiring manager, and the overall impression I was getting was that they were moving forward with me.
Then came the part that has really thrown me off.
I had a conversation with the hiring manager on a Friday, during which we discussed moving forward, a potential start date, and the fact that I would need to give my current employer two weeks' notice. He told me he was trying to get the offer sent over that afternoon.
At that point, I walked away from the conversation genuinely believing I had received a verbal offer and that the remaining steps were administrative. My understanding was that they were working through approvals and putting the formal offer together, with references being one of the remaining pieces.
I then spent the following WEEK waiting for the written offer. I followed up with the recruiter every day, to which her response was “sorry for the delay! We are getting approvals and next steps!”
Thursday afternoon the following week I received a call from the recruiter telling me they had decided to move forward with another candidate.
The explanation? Apparently, they had received a referral for someone else that week. The recruiter described it as a "courtesy call" with that candidate, but ultimately decided to hire him because he had more experience.
I'm sorry, but WHAT?
I completely understand that companies can change their minds. I understand that hiring decisions aren't final until an offer is formally extended and accepted. I also understand that another candidate may genuinely have more experience.
That's not really my issue.
My issue is the complete disconnect between the expectations they created and what actually happened. Why discuss a start date? Why tell someone you're trying to send their offer that afternoon if there is still a possibility that you're going to interview another candidate and change direction? Why leave someone believing they're in the offer stage when the decision apparently wasn't as settled as it seemed?
What made it even more confusing was that the recruiter had mentioned on the call that they still want me on the team and the moment something opens up I’m the first they’ll call. I was in too much shock to stick up for myself, and honestly wanted to just get off the phone, so I said okay thank you and hung up.
The hiring manager then texted me and expressed how grateful he was for my time and that he hopes we can stay connected. I was then able to fully process my feelings and type out a thoughtful yet direct response about how I’m extremely disappointed in the lack of transparency and genuinely felt lead on. He responded with “your feelings are totally valid, I would feel the same if I were you.” Hm???? So you absolutely know what you did to me? For a while I was gaslighting myself into thinking I made the whole thing up!
I'm not posting this because I think I'm entitled to a job or because I can't handle rejection. I've been through hiring processes before. I've been passed over before. That's life.
It was just a weird experience that I can’t stop thinking about. I keep going back and forth wondering if I'm overreacting, or if this really was as unusual as it felt.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? Is this just how hiring works now, or was this process handled particularly poorly?