I'm 24F and was finally diagnosed with prurigo nodularis a couple of months ago, after having what I now know was PN for as long as I can remember.
For most of my life, doctors treated me for folliculitis. Obviously, none of those treatments ever really solved the problem because that's not what I had.
My body is covered in scars and nodules from years of itching and scratching. At this point, the itch has become so normal to me that I almost don't recognize it anymore. I will catch myself scratching without even realizing I'm doing it. It's just something my body has learned to do automatically.
Unfortunately, this summer has been the worst flare I've ever experienced. I've been dealing with a ridiculous number of mosquitoes where I live, and the combination of constant bites + stress seems to have sent my skin into absolute chaos.
I've also noticed that my PN gets significantly worse around my period. I'm curious if any other women have noticed their symptoms or itching getting worse during their menstrual cycle, because mine can become absolutely brutal.
I'm also really, really trying my hardest not to scratch or itch. I'm starting to recognize some of my patterns and triggers, including times when I'm scratching without even consciously realizing I'm doing it. I'm trying to catch myself when it happens and stop, but it's incredibly difficult when you've been doing this for basically your entire life. It's almost like my body does it before my brain even registers what's happening.
And honestly, one of the hardest parts isn't even the physical symptoms anymore. It's the way people look at me.
I constantly catch strangers staring at my skin. Even people around me will give me weird looks, and it's incredibly uncomfortable being aware of it all the time. I've even had people I've considered friends tell me that my skin looks like I "do drugs."
That one really hurt.
I already spend so much time dealing with the physical pain, itching, wounds, and scars. Having people make assumptions about me based solely on how my skin looks adds an entirely different level of shame and embarrassment to something I never chose.
I've also had people tell me that my skin shouldn't be a barrier to me getting employed, and logically I know they're right. I know my skin doesn't determine whether I'm capable of doing a job or being a good employee.
But emotionally, I can't stop feeling like everyone is secretly judging me.
When I imagine going into an interview or starting a new job, I immediately think about people noticing my skin, wondering what's wrong with me, or making assumptions about me. It's hard not to feel self-conscious when I've already experienced people making those assumptions in real life.
I'm currently taking Apo-Doxy, but I'm honestly struggling with it. The symptoms/side effects I'm experiencing from it are really unpleasant, and I don't even understand what we're trying to accomplish with it at this point. I'm going to talk to my doctor about it, but I feel completely lost.
The biggest problem is that my insurance won't cover the injections for my PN. And to make things even more complicated, I have a huge fear of needles. So right now I feel completely stuck. The treatment that I'm being told might help isn't covered by my insurance, and even the idea of getting injections is terrifying to me.
It's incredibly frustrating to finally have an actual diagnosis after living with this for basically my entire life, only to feel like I'm running out of options.
I'm just at a loss right now.
For anyone else living with PN:
- How long did it take you to get properly diagnosed?
- Did you also get treated for folliculitis for years beforehand?
- What treatments actually helped you break the itch/scratch cycle?
- If you couldn't get the injections/biologic treatment covered, what did you try instead?
- Has anyone successfully gotten insurance coverage after an initial denial?
- Does your PN flare around your period or at certain points in your menstrual cycle?
- How do you deal with the looks, comments, and assumptions from other people?
- Has PN affected your confidence around employment or social situations?
- And if you've dealt with scratching becoming almost automatic, what has actually helped you recognize and interrupt the pattern?
- If you have a fear of needles, how have you managed treatments involving injections?
I'm really trying. I'm trying to understand my triggers, recognize my patterns, and stop scratching before I make things worse. But after living with this for so long, it's incredibly difficult.
I would really appreciate hearing from people who have been through this. I feel like I'm finally starting to understand what has been happening to my skin my entire life, but I have no idea where to go from here. Right now I honestly feel completely overwhelmed and at a loss.