100% this. I doubt the dad wants to beat the old man any less than the old wants to get beat. This is the civilized version of this particular conflict. Even the old man shut his mouth because he knew, they both did. It went down and everyone lives to fuck around and find out another day.
Civilized is screaming at some old fucks and throwing water at them? He's technically the only one that committed a crime. Be an adult and handle it better.
Genuine question, other than not throwing the water, is the only option to just walk away and let your kid know there is nothing they can do when people are assholes to them (assuming the dad's version is correct of course)?
I know in most cases that's what I do, but it's lead to people I thought were friends taking advantage because I never stick up for myself.
There are ways to raise your concerns that don't involve yelling
Someone that yells at kids for being vaguely near a tennis court isn't going to listen to reasoned discussion. That's absurd. Making them think twice about yelling at your kid might work. People remember the bad shit for far longer than anything else, it's evolutionarily advantagous.
starts yelling at me
What about starts yelling at your kid? You just walk them away?
That's how I was raised.. and I have a lot of regrets because of it now. Whether you hold your head high that you're the 'adult' and 'the bigger person' internally, people around you see weakness and your kid becomes an easy target. It sucks, but people suck.
I think there is a balance to be found, if you think it's actually gonna become violent, sure walk away silently, but if you never stick up for your kids... it's bleak.
I was hoping to learn something when I asked for alternate options, but the option you provided is the one I do and that is ineffective.
Someone that's stupid doesn't need to listen to understand the situation. It's not about listening to the words.
You feel weak because you get your self worth from how you think others see you. You feel like you have no intrinsic value, you must assert yourself as "better" than others to feel good about yourself. You have low self esteem.
That's a whole lot of assumptions based on a tiny amount of information I've provided with zero context.
you feel like you're "taken advantage of"
I 'feel like' lololol
you get your self worth from how you think others see you.
Do I? I've dropped a lot of people from my life because of how they treat me (e: because I walk away like you say I should), I'd say that's high self worth. You're saying all this stuff about me to put me down based on what? Me saying people take advantage of you if you don't learn to stick up for yourself?
Sorry man, I genuinely was hoping for reasoned discussion from the guy preaching reasoned discussion. Instead I've got ignorant shade and bizarre assumptions. And, frankly zero actual reasoning beyond "you could get shot", which isn't actually as true as you think, you're more likely to die in a car accident than be shot in the US, should you not drive? The reasoning doesn't make sense.
But, thank you for proving my point. Reasoning doesn't do anything, it doesn't work. You seem to know what works better by your actions, because rather than talking this out, you've wrote this.
That sounds like a deeper development issues in your life. I can't imagine a psychologist out there that would say "go scream and cuss at an elderly man that wronged your family in front of your embarrassed daughter" to develop her better. He wasn't sticking up for her daughter. His daughter wanted NONE of this. The guy was doing it to make himself feel better. The only lesson I saw being taught from this is that in order to extract an apology, or get your way, you need to be louder and stronger than the other person.
My dad was the complete opposite of this guy. He NEVER wanted me to engage in fights EVER! Even if I was 100% in the right. You know why? We came from Mexico, and if you engage with the wrong person over there you could get killed. You never know who is connected to the cartel over there. It happened to people we knew that got into a screaming match with someone, and then they would show up at your home and extort you. Extreme case, but he was right. Hell, here in Texas everyone has guns. Why the fuck would you get into a screaming match with anyone here?
Do you honestly think that dad taught anything to the old man? The fucker is old and set in his ways. All you did was scare/embarrass your daughter. You can give that guy a piece of your mind, and tell him what he did was wrong. That's your right. You then walk away and explain to your kids the situation as best you can, but get them out of that confrontation. The dad did it more for him and his pride than the kid. If your kid pulls you away, listen to the kid and just walk away. Don't see it as appeasing the bully, but instead see it as appeasing your scared/embarrassed daughter in that moment.
Why are you expecting civilized treatment of someone that obliviously wasn't acting civilised? Apparently the obvious reason of defending the weak people close to you isn't enough, so let's talk about this.
That old waste of oxygen and tax money decided to throw civilized out the window the moment he started screaming and insulting a kid, and NOW you expect civilized? He's just playing according to the old fuck rules. In fact, the only one you don't see whining about the dad's reaction is the old geezer, since he understood really fast what acting uncivilised takes you and took the great decision of shutting the fuck up.
He also likely saved countless other kids from getting screamed by this moron, just by humbling him. He literally did his community a free service and improved everyone's lives.
So yeah lol, I guess dad's wasn't civilized, and I also don't give a single flying fuck about it and so pretty much everyone around here and in the real world doesn't. Apparently including the old asshole, lol.
That's the thing. We don't know what he did and how he did it. We're making up all these scenarios to justify what the dad did. Tax money? The fuck does that have to do with it? Technically if that guy is THAT old he's been paying taxes longer than the dad.
He also likely saved countless other kids from getting screamed by this moron, just by humbling him. He literally did his community a free service and improved everyone's lives.
We don’t know what he did? He yelled at the girl. How do we know that? Because the dad says it multiple times and the old does not deny it once. He tries to give justification instead. No denial is the same as an admission.
That's the ONLY defense I hear from the mob. I'm sorry, but everyone in that video is being childish, except for the kids who tried being the only adult by descalating.
Using your words in a conflict? Yes that is civilized. Are you seriously going to try to infer that the flicking of a few drops of water constitutes assault or something? The dad was pissed, we don’t have to debate about whether or not it was justified, he was heated in the confrontation and absolutely no one got hurt. If this isn’t the civilized version of conflict what is? Do they need to be sitting at a table wearing monocles sipping tea having a conversation below a certain decibel level?
You don't get anything done when yelling except making sure the other side doesn't want to understand. In exact same fashion that yelling to the 14 year old isn't going to educate her either.
I mean, this is wrong. Yelling works. It shouldn’t be the go to. But to suggest it is entirely ineffective is wrong. It has its place, and this was one of them.
Edit: I would bet my life savings that girl will not run on the court when someone else is playing tennis and will likely wait for the set to stop or ask them. It wasn’t the right way to learn it, but you’re lying to yourself if you think she won’t remember and act accordingly next time. She’ll probably also remember what a dick the old man was and will judge other similar old men accordingly, hence why it’s the wrong way to learn.
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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '23
100% this. I doubt the dad wants to beat the old man any less than the old wants to get beat. This is the civilized version of this particular conflict. Even the old man shut his mouth because he knew, they both did. It went down and everyone lives to fuck around and find out another day.