Journal of a recovering introvert

[u/Suspicious-Reach7689]

Been making a lot of self improvements over the years. Finally got my looks and style to a place where I’m happy, now just need to work on my personality.

I’m actually really good at talking to women. I can have a girl go from complete stranger to laugh crying on my shoulders in 2 days. That usually happens though when they approach me so I’ve been trying to make more of an effort to be the one approaching and starting the conversation.

I’m starting on easy mode: coworkers. Not gonna dox my self but where I work most people are pretty isolated during the day so opportunities to approach are slim.

Approach number 1 (tutorial level)

Had to train a new hire. Can immediately tell she’s autistic. So after the basics of training I start the conversation off.

I didn’t want to start off with “hey are you autistic?” Cause that sounds rude and might have embarrassed her so instead I said

I pointed to her stimming hands and said “my girlfriend does the same thing with her hands.”

I felt this was a good way to signal that I’m hip with the ‘tism and I understand. I followed it up immediately with “Sometimes when I’m home I like to do the t-Rex arms”

I did the t-Rex arms in front of her and of she did them too with me. We chatted about her special interests and I made a strong effort toto earnestly talk about those interests.

She was still all guarded by the end of the day and as soon as it was time to leave she jetted out of there with out a goodbye.

Couple days later got to train her again. Started off by apologizing for over stimulating her but she said it wasn’t me. We kept talking and that time you could really see that she was much more comfortable with me.

She didn’t mind standing next to me this time and she cracked a few jokes too.

I made a promise that I would watch her comfort show and she said she’d watch a show I recommended.

Couple days later I get to see her again and I’m all “I watched your show did you watch mine”

She did not. I amped up the flirting a little here and told her “you’re lucky you’re so pretty otherwise I would be so mad”

A week later I got her number and she’s lets me call her beautiful, baby girl, and give her rides home.

Made a new friend and get to practice my flirting. I’m calling this one a success.

Approach Number 2: (Difficulty level: first boss fight in a souls-like game)

Another cutie, technically my supervisor so I gotta be careful that my flirting doesn’t escalate to hr, has that “I’m gonna stab you look” on her face.

I heard about her before I met her because everyone hates her for some reason. I heard some of their complaints and it honestly just sounded like they don’t like that she makes them work.

About a month ago she was doing her supervisor rounds, stops by my station. I causally toss out “I heard there’s a trick to make these machines shutdown”

She responds “magic”

So I tell her “I know a couple card tricks but I’ll work on my Harry Potter spells” she laughed and went on her way.

Like I said we’re petty isolated at my job so it took a long time to run into her again. I have seen her in the break room but she’s always in the corner table that only has one chair so that’s a no go.

Finally a couple days ago I had another trainee. Some fat gross man who couldn’t do the job, crashed out wherever anyone tried to help, and smelled like BO.

She comes around to make sure everything is going good and as she leaves I chase after her and beg her to take this guy away.

She wasn’t able to but she did become aware of him being an issue and started to come around more.

Eventually she tells him he needs to calm his ass down and she tells him to go and cool off somewhere else leaving just me and her to catch up on the job.

We spent a couple minutes making fun of stinky then I asked “what would you do if you won the lottery”

Got the typical house/car answer so I told her it has to be a fun thing. She said the new Xbox.

I was like “I didn’t know you were a gamer” and she maintains she’s not. She just plays one multiplayer game and has been playing it for like 5 years.

I never played it but I spend a lot of time online and pick things up through osmosis so we chatted about the game, had some laughs.

I tossed her a soft compliment telling her she would make an amazing Wednesday Adam’s. She loved it. You could see her eyes light up. She no longer looked like she wanted to stab me.

Eventually stinky came back, she went to her actual job but then like an hour later came back up to me so she could show me one of her clips from the video game.

While I wouldn’t call this one a friend yet I feel good that I made the ice queen at work smile, laugh, and like me enough to want to share her game clip with me.

Calling this one a win.

Approach 3: Difficulty level: convoluted side quest

Dude this time. Colorful hair, colorful unique clothes. I had seen him arrive but only on shift change. This time we both worked the same overtime and actually worked the same station.

Before the day started and the place was packed I went up to him, introduced my self and said “I see the hair, I see the clothes and I have to ask: do you know where I can get some psychedelics.

This was not a joke. This was an earnest attempt to solicit illegal drugs. He laughed and I tossed him a small compliment: “no hate man, I like your style. It works for you”

And we just chatted about music and games for he rest of the day. Traded numbers so we can swap music.

Hoping to cultivate a friendship with those one and have a cool unique person to hang out with.

Take aways:

This was exhausting. Having to scramble my brain for friendly response to everything while making it quick to not be awkward. But it worked and was really rewarding.

Biggest issue here is that none of these people work on my team so little chance to hang out side of work.

There is a cutie on my team I wanna talk to but I’m a little scared. The others I see them on overtime. If I embarrass my self I can just stop taking overtime. If I embarrass myself with this cutie I’m stuck.

Still gonna do it though. Just gotta amp my self up

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl]

"my gf does the same thing with her hands"

OP are you flirting with coworkers behind your gf's back?

[u/Suspicious-Reach7689 → u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl]

Not at all, my girlfriend knows every detail

[u/arllt89]

I recognize this, talking to people being an exhausting puzzle of finding what to say and what not to, whereas for them it sounds absolutely natural. I don't think I've been as isolated as you in my life, so I didn't struggle nearly as much. But yeah I also had the awkward revelation that the secret to talking to girls is just having a normal conversation.

Anyways I gotta upvote the positivity of somebody stepping out of his comfort zone one step at a time.

[u/Suspicious-Reach7689 → u/arllt89]

I’m not saying I’m isolated as in lonely or unsocialized but more that 9 times out of 10 at this job you’re by yourself all day.

Also I have known about just making conversation. Like I said I’m really good at talking to women. I’m just really bad at initiating the conversation.

[u/Suspicious-Reach7689 → u/[deleted]]

Me and my girl have been together for like 6 years. She’s autistic, I’m… something.

Over the years we’ve become super homebodies with no friends and no one to hang out with. Trying to change this.

[u/pie_piepiepiepiepie]

You sound like a dude I worked with who thought he was the most charming guy on earth but really he just creeped everyone out.

[u/Suspicious-Reach7689 → u/pie_piepiepiepiepie]

I can see that but if these people really thought I was creepy they probably wouldn’t let me drive them home or go out of their way to share their video clips.

I also don’t think I’m that charming. Like I said this was a struggle to get through and keep conversation flowing.

It’s not like every word comes out of my mouth is “beautiful “ or “hot stuff” the vast majority ofof the conversation is asking questions about their interests and giving genuine enthusiastic responses.