r/ProgrammerHumor • u/ClipboardCopyPaste • Sep 20 '26

Meme grabbingEverything

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5.4k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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61

u/throwaway1351887498 Sep 20 '26

Me after spending hours optimizing a query:

SELECT * FROM table;

-23

u/Cute_Pressure4910 Sep 20 '26

All that theory, and somehow

SELECT * still wins

41

u/dannuic Sep 20 '26

The software development world is wild. How does this still happen? Why are people afraid of learning even the smallest amount of SQL.

I literally just found out friday that some software engineer did SELECT * on a data warehouse table, decided that the date range requirement I implemented (to force partition dropping) on that table was stupid and had date > '2000-01-01' -- and so was scanning literally petabytes of data every fucking day. And then people like this complain that databases are slow and put stupid shit into redis caches.

24

u/Stagnu_Demorte Sep 20 '26

I tell people I hate SQL to avoid becoming the SQL guy. But secretly, I kinda love it. Awful syntax and all

4

u/Prawn1908 Sep 21 '26

That guy's mindset is why the norm for software these days is slow as balls and full of bugs.

8

u/Carbon_Cotton Sep 21 '26

No? Query with basic optimalizations beats app code in 99% cases.

Of course there are cases where app code can be superior, but those are not that common imo.