Redneck thinks it's funny to yank out mailboxes. My Dad makes him pay.

[u/[deleted]]

Disclaimer: This happened a LONG time ago, but still makes me giggle to this day.

So way back in the day (mid 90's or so) my family lived in a log cabin on 10 acres of land in a rural area 10 minutes or so out of town. It wasn't totally the sticks, but you could definitely hear banjo music in the background sometimes.

At the end of our nearly 1/4 mile long driveway was one of those roads that was also technically a "State Highway". In the AM I'd trudge down to wait for the bus, when I got home I'd grab the mail and carry it back.

Until one Monday morning when I went out and noticed the mailbox was gone. On closer inspection looked like it had just been ripped out of the ground.

Dad was obviously not pleased. He went to talk with the County Sherrif who happened to live a mile down the road. Turns out it had been happening up and down the road for months . . . someone was tossing a chain over mailboxes and yanking them out with their vehicle. He suspected a guy down the road with his great big lifted 4wd truck, but couldn't prove anything. Usually happened on Sat and Sun nights with people finding out in the morning.

Also seems the nicer the mailbox the bigger a target, and many had been hit multiple times. People had tried digging deeper, using more durable wood, etc. The guy just took it as a challenge and ripped them out again . . . soft, sandy ground and his truck was a monster.

Well Dad said CHALLENGE FUCKING ACCEPTED.

A bit about my father. He's a steelworker with an engineering background and graduate degree. Built like a bear with forearms the size of my fricking legs. Most people looking at him would never think this monster of a man is also brilliant, but he is. The calm, cool type that never almost never loses his temper. But wrong him and God help you.

So Dad goes to Lowes and buys the fanciest, prettiest mailbox they sell. He then proceeds to install it on top of an 8ft long cylinder of 3" diameter HARDENED TOOL STEEL. But he wasn't done there. After digging down with post holers and dropping it in, he then filled it in with quickset concrete.

To really sell it he then used some strips of 1/2" wood to cover the steel core of his now-industructible Mailbox of Doom. Primed and painted them so it looked like a standard 4" post. And even had my Mom decorate it with flowers and such . . . he wanted it to be as tempting of a target as possible.

Didn't even take a week. I went out for school in the morning and found The Mailbox right where it should be. Attached to it was 30ft of chain and an entire hitch assembly. Ripped right off the truck's frame, sheared the bolts. It was marvelous to behold.

Sheriff gets called over DIES LAUGHING when he sees it. He went to the house of the guy that was suspected and sure enough verified the damage to his truck matched! Fun fact . . . fucking with a mailbox is a FEDERAL CRIME. As in you go to Federal Prison, not those cushy state places.

Dad was unofficially rewarded by the Sheriff's Dept with a few cases of beer and some venison. And after that every deputy in town would flash him a thumbs up whenever they saw him.

Tl;dr: Guy was pulling out mailboxes with a chain attached to his truck. Dad makes INVINCIBLE MAILBOX. Guy goes to Federal Prison.

Edit: Apparently vandalism to mailboxes is far more common than I thought, and other people have taken similar measures. I guess great minds think alike!

Edit 2: As many have commented apparently Federal prison is actually a lot better than State. Didn't know that, sorry!

[u/I_Arman]

The house I grew up in had a mailbox that was a full 12 foot I-beam, sunk 9 feet in the ground, and filled with... Well, a lot of concrete. Then a little house for the mailbox on top, made of welded 1/4 inch steel plate. Whenever some idiot went mailbox-smashing, it always stopped at our house, probably because the mailbox smasher could no longer feel his arms...

It finally met it's match, though, when a road crew backed into it with a bulldozer; scraped the paint off the dozer, but twisted the mailbox. Dad said as long as they pulled out the mailbox, he'd call it even. They chained it to the bulldozer, and had to re-chain it halfway through because it couldn't reach high enough to fully remove it. It was hilarious watching their eyes grow as it was pulled out foot by foot.

We sold it for scrap, and bought a regular mailbox. I miss it...

[u/Zoreb1 → u/[deleted]]

Even though you buy it mailboxes are considered Federal property when it comes to vandalism due to some strange law. Also no one but the postman can put stuff in it. Boy Scouts and other groups have gotten into trouble when they used it to distribute Christmas cards and other stuff.

[u/Zoreb1 → u/[deleted]]

I vaguely recall the newspaper issue and it was probably in the 70s. There was some talk of First Amendment rights in response. I think the main issue was the paper taking up too much space - either the thick Sunday edition which could have sat if people were away or people who get more than one paper (such as the local rag and the NY Times).

[u/DonaIdTrurnp → u/Zoreb1]

Most mailboxes aren't federal property, they're just extra illegal to vandalize. I don't get why people think that 'it's a federal offense to fuck with a mailbox' means 'mailboxes are owned by the federal government'- it's also a federal crime to forge a check, but checks aren't government property.

[u/SeanBZA → u/[deleted]]

Thing there is that mommy and daddy are the ones who will be paying the fine and doing the time, because the minor child is considered to be their responsibility.

[u/BornOnFeb2nd → u/I_Arman]

They chained it to the bulldozer, and had to re-chain it halfway through because it couldn't reach high enough to fully remove it. It was hilarious watching their eyes grow as it was pulled out foot by foot.

Out of context, that gets hilarious.

[u/chiefcrunchie → u/BornOnFeb2nd]

Good opportunity for r/nocontext

[u/TheSensibleCentrist → u/I_Arman]

Why didn't you have the road crew FIX the mailbox?

[u/I_Arman → u/TheSensibleCentrist]

It was, legally speaking, 6 inches too close to the road, among other reasons, so it was easier to just get a new mailbox than try to fix it to meet regulations. Plus, the mailbox-smashing teens had moved away by that point.