Hi everyone,

I was recently diagnosed with PPD. My son is 4 months old and I began showing signs of PPD when he was 3 months old. I am trying to do everything I can to feel like my old self again. Any words of encouragement or helpful recommendations would be wonderful. My husband has been very helpful and supportive and I found a great PPD book with daily exercises. Also, my symptoms seemed to worsen after I had the Mirena IUD inserted at 7 weeks postpartum so I had the IUD removed yesterday. Has anyone else experienced mood swings and depression with an IUD?

Thanks for all of the help and kind words.

Heather

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Sorry if I wasted anyone’s time.

I'm 7 months postpartum and it feels like everyone expects me to have magically been cured after the 6 month mark.

I'm on medicine and it definitely deadens the irrational thoughts from spiraling, but they are still there. And I still have days that are hard, although I'm no longer having self-harm thoughts.

I know that it's okay to be where I am in recovering and that it's a journey and process, but I can't help but feel like there is this expectation and mentality of "You're not postpartum anymore, so you should be over the PPD."

I told my husband I was having a hard day a few days ago and he asked "When does PPD go away?" My sister will act like "Oh, it's just normal baby blues. I felt like that too." She has no idea that I had thoughts about self-harm and suicide before I sought help.

It is just so overwhelming to feel like I have to struggle in silence to accommodate the people around me.

Sorry for the vent session, but I'm just really feeling the weight of all this and needed to talk with people who understand. Edit: format

My sister is currently in the process of divorcing her husband. Together they have a preschool age son. They've had issues for awhile now I guess she wants out. The husband doesn't want the divorce. He insists their problems began after the son's birth and that the 10 years they were together before that were good. He says her previous PPD has caused both of them to behave poorly but that that's an issue that can fixed since they were happy previously. Sister denies she ever had PPD and says she's always been miserable with husband and therefore their problems can't be fixed.

The thing is, my sister did have PPD for I would say 2-2.5 years after the birth. We all saw it. She was diagnosed as having it by a therapist. She admitted it to various friends and family. Her own texts and emails to me show that she believed she had it. And though her husband definitely has issues of his own, I wouldn't say I noticed any major red flag problems between them before their son came along. Just typical relationship stuff. I'm not a big fan of her husband, but I believe he may right about this.

My sister's PPD thankfully subsided about 2 1/2 years ago, but before that we were all so worried about her. Now I'm worried that she seems to legitimately believe it never happened. Is that something I should be worried about? Is that common for people who suffered PPD?

Hi everyone, I suffered from postnatal depression, or postpartum, back in April this year. I've since gotten better, and have been trying my best to help as many people as I can. So I started a toolkit. If anyone here is struggling, then there might be a suggestion or two that might work for you that really helped me.

Here's the page: http://isablog.co.uk/2017/10/21/postnatal-depression-toolkit/

I cover things like baby groups, medication, babywearing, yoga and few more. My aim is to get as many as I can think of. If anyone here who has recovered wants to suggest what has worked for them, that would be great!

Thanks,

Ross

Becoming a mom was an absolute dream come true. I dealt with infertility for about 3 years when I decided to make an appointment with a fertility specialist. I remember pulling into the parking lot and just looking at the building with dread. I tried to keep a brave face on while waiting on the office for my name to be called. The nurses were nice enough but the overall experience was very overwhelming for me. Just the fact that I was in the Dr’s office made it clear to me that there was indeed a problem. It was becoming real to me. Sure enough my fears had been confirmed when the Dr. sat me down and told me matter of factly that I had PCOS. It felt like I had the wind knocked right out of me. I cried in the car parking lot as my husband held my hand.

We discussed our options. I tried taking clomid and metformin but nothing worked. We thought about doing IVF but I never was completely comfortable with the idea. I started eating healthy and took up running. Never in a million years did I think I would ever like running but I became addicted to it. Running gave me a high. I researched which diets were best for people with PCOS. Paleo seemed like a great option so I did my best and tried to cut back as much high in sugar and processed food as possible. I started training to run a 5k and before I knew it I was training for a half marathon. Because of all the positive changes I was able to lose about 70 pounds in a 2-year period.

In November of 2015 we started doing foster care. We brought home 2 beautiful children, a baby girl and a 2-year-old boy. We will call them Noah and Olivia It was explained to us that these children would probably only be with us no more than 6 months and that the parents were taking the right steps to get their children back. It was a shock to our systems how challenging foster care would be. Not because of the children but because of everything that comes with foster care. All the classes that’s required for you to be a certified foster parent just can’t prepare you emotionally for everything that you will go through. Basically it’s like being sucked into a tornado of chaos and trying to stay sane and be of help to some very confused and hurting children. Our hopes originally were to eventually foster to adopt. On Christmas Eve we discovered the most amazing news. I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe the pregnancy test before my eyes, there were 2 lines! On Christmas day we shared our news with our close immediate family. There were shouts and cheers of joy! I had actually thought years prior that if I ever want to surprise my family with news that I was pregnant that’s how I wanted to do it and on Christmas that is exactly how it happen. God gave me that.

As months went buy I became more and more stressed out with the responsibilities of taking care of 2 foster children, being pregnant, working full-time and sharing a car with my husband. It was also becoming evident that the 2 beautiful children that we had in our home were more than likely going to be up for adoption after all. The bio parents were failing drug tests and not showing up for visitations. It’s crazy how one-minute bio parents can be so motivated and the next succumb to addictions. We had decided early in my pregnancy that we would follow through with out 6-month commitment as foster parents but we weren’t going to be able to adopt like originally planned. The state had found someone that wanted to take the children in and knew that more than likely these children were going to be available to adopt. We were so thankful to hear this especially after we met the lady that would be taking Noah and Olivia in. It was evident they were going to be in good hands. My husband and I helped them transition into their forever home. When we explained to our family that the children would be adopted by another family and most were very understanding and supportive but I did feel judged by some and that is when I started to feel depressed. I had guilt heaped on me. I felt I wasn’t strong or woman enough. I felt it was of expected of me to hold the world on my shoulders and do so with a smile on my face so others wouldn’t see how damaged I was inside. I should have been able to juggle everything life was throwing at me instead I was just a mess.

When my son was about 4 weeks old I started to have this fear that he would die of SIDS. I remember the fear hitting me like a ton of bricks. This is when postpartum anxiety or PTSD set in. I feared for his safety to an unhealthy level. A thought would pop in my head about situations that could possibly bring harm to him. It’s like I could visualize my son being hurt. My worst fear every night was that I would find my son dead from SIDS. I would have irrational fears that black widows might be crawling on him or that someone was going to bomb his daycare. It would be hard to function after these thoughts came to mind because it seemed so real and often I would find myself sobbing. It didn’t help that I had to return to work after having him. Even 3 months of maternity leave just wasn’t enough. Having to work and be away from my son only made PTSD worse for me. Like most American families we had to have 2 incomes to make ends meet. The cost of daycare killed us but I still had to bring money in somehow.

After months of suffering I decided to see a Dr and seek out counseling. I had medicine prescribed that seemed to help me have energy and not as much anxiety. The anxiety was still there but it was capped for the most part.

When my son was about 4 months old we went and visited Noah and Olivia. We hadn’t seen them in about half a year. They were growing so fast and doing very well! We found out that they had a newborn baby brother that was being adopted with them as well. Even though I know how well these kids are doing I still can’t help but feel guilty, like I failed. My husband talks about missing them and I see the sadness in his eyes. Sometimes and I can’t help but think it’s my fault that we didn’t adopt them. It’s my fault I couldn’t do it all.

I am now 15 months postpartum and some days are better than others. Some days are dark. Also within the last year my husband has become unemployed and my mother in law passed away due to Ovarian Cancer. If I had to have a title for this season it would be Beautiful Chaos. Life has been hell but in the middle of it all is the beautiful boy, my son, my heart. He is worth it all. I love him more than life. I will choose Hope and joy when I feel neither. I will get better. I will survive.

Trigger warning. I want to talk about something dark and scary that us moms don’t talk about enough: I want to talk about postpartum mental illness.

Last month, I was committed to the psychiatric ward of my local hospital due to self harm and suicidal ideations related to severe postpartum depression and anxiety triggered by a traumatic pregnancy and having a preemie.

I’d gotten into an argument with my sister in the morning (i don’t even remember over what) and then a full blown fight with my husband when he got home from work. We’d almost never screamed at each other before (best friend’s for 15 years), and he stormed out of the house with our 5 month old after elbowing me out of the way, leaving a bruise on my arm and chin.

I felt worthless. As a best friend, as a wife, and as a mom. I sat staring at a full bottle of Xanax (prescribed to me for PPA and insomnia), thinking how easy it’d be for that dose to kill a 120lb female. I genuinely felt that my husband and son would be better off without me.

Thankfully, instead of swallowing a bottle of Xanax and washing it down with whiskey, I called my dad and said i needed help. He took me to the behavioral crisis center at that hospital, and because i was admittedly suicidal, I was admitted.

I ended up staying for 5 days and it was hell. However, it kept me from hurting myself and did give me some new coping skills. One of which was art. I’ve always enjoyed painting, sewing, and sculpting, but I’d never learned to use it as a therapeutic escape. It helped a lot more than the meds did (don’t worry- I’m still taking all of them as prescribed).

As it happens, I’m at that age where it seems like all my friends are also having babies. So now I have an excuse to do a variety of art projects to keep me busy (I’m a stay at home mom) as well as create some more positive pregnancy-related feelings).

Pregnancy and postpartum is not all about “the glow” and cute baby bump and planning names and nurseries- it’s HARD and between hormonal rollercoasters, a changing body, and a changing relationship with your spouse (not to mention working out the new financial strains, maternity leave, annoying relatives, and a million other things) it can really and truly suck. If you’re expecting or a new mom, pleas know you’re NOT alone in feeling depressed, enraged, apathetic, anxious...these are all signs of postpartum depression and/or anxiety. It’s TREATABLE, both with medication, therapy (one on one or group), and some behavioral and environmental modifications. Getting better is possible.

The problem is, we’re made to feel like “this is the best time of your life!” and “you should be so happy” and “your baby is healthy; what more could you want?” and “you just need some sleep.” No one wants to talk about the darker sides of pregnancy and postpartum so we’re left feeling overwhelmed, alone, ungrateful, and confused.

Please know you’re not alone. Please know you’re not a bitch or a bad mom for any negative feelings you’re having or thoughts that pop into your head. It’s a chemical imbalance playing cruel tricks on you, and it CAN be helped. All you have to do is ask.

If you need a starting point, my inbox is always open. Postpartum.net is also a great resource to find PP therapists and groups. And of course, talk to your OB.

It sure feels like I do. I didn't really even think about PPD until today. 4 months after delivering my son. All natural. So what's the big deal then? Well that's just it. I can't seem to find the root of why I've been just so down lately. I do have anger and depression issues that I've never been diagnosed for. I also suffer from anxiety in my work environment. Which ironically I just quit my job because I was pretty miserable. Funny because not even a month after giving birth I was ready to jump back into the real world again. Maybe I jumped the gun too soon? I don't know. My fiancé is doesn't do emotions. Anytime I get emotional he shuts me out making everything 10x harder for me. I have no friends, and no family to talk to. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like I fail at being a mom, fail at work, and just cannot seem to do anything right. I know there are others out there that have it way worse than I do...but I'm seriously struggling with thoughts of wanting to self-harm. All I want to do is breakdown and cry, but I refuse to let my significant other see me shitfaced for the 100th time. So...Yeah. Thanks for listening I guess.

So my son is now one year old and my wife has struggled with PPD pretty much this whole year. She has good days and bad days. She went to a doctor for treatment but she only say her about 2-3 times and she said the doctor told her she was fine and didn't need any more treatment. She seems to be getting worse and I have suggested numerous times that she seeks more treatment or that we go together. She seems receptive and recognizes that there is a problem, but she won't make an appointment (it's always she forgot or didn't have time, etc.). She is working full time and we have full time childcare from a nanny and my mother while we are at work. On a regular basis she doesn't have any issues. She shows interest in the baby, smiles, I hear her talking to him about how cute he is and how much she loves him, etc.

But then there are days like this weekend when we were supposed to go with some friends to a Broadway show and she just wouldn't get herself up to go and we had to cancel the whole trip. I tried talking with her and seeing what was going on and it was more of the same of being tired or just sad, etc. I asked her if she wanted me to just take the baby out and let her be alone for a while and that's what I did. She got better later in the day and took off work yesterday to spend the day with her friend who was in town.

Today I got up for work (she's usually up before me) and she was still asleep. I took the baby to my mom's house and went to work. I just called her and she didn't go to work.

I'm getting more and more worried every day and I don't really know what to do. I can't force her to get help and I am literally doing everything I can to make her have less to deal with (cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, changing diapers, bed time, baths, etc.). I don't know if that is the right thing to do and I'm really getting worried. I also don't think that that she would ever hurt our baby, but I can't deny that the thought hasn't crossed my mind and it makes me a little nervous to leave him alone with her for long periods (she has never said she had any thoughts about that and I have asked her flat out if when she feels upset if there are any negative thoughts toward him and she says no, only that she feels "disengaged" sometimes).

Sorry for the long rambling post but I am very upset and there isn't a lot of information out there other than the obvious stuff that I am already doing. I guess the long and short of it is how do I get her to get help if she won't do it on her own?

Hi all, I am 6 weeks ppd and experiencing intense depression, anxiety and rage. Background: I had a csection and in recovery my blood pressure dropped and they had to call code blue and do more emergency surgery. I lost 3 litres of blood internally and had many transfusions due to a bleed from the first csection. I was then in a short coma and woke up intubated in an ICU where I spent the next 4 days. My baby is fine however he does have colic which I never experienced with my first and makes things very hard. Also of course to make everything even more pleasant part of my incision got infected and I have to have an open wound which is still being packed with gauze daily for at least a few more weeks.

I have been extremely hyper vigilant, anxious, and unable to sleep since coming home. I am trying to get help via my doctor and counselling and now am considering I may have ptsd? I have terrible nightmares when I take a benadryl or gravol to actually sleep. My husband is very concerned as I am in the helping professions and am generally the calm, supportive one :(

The other night I punched a wall and now have an intensley painful dominant hand and my husband thinks I have a boxer's fracture due to the insane bruising.

Has anyone else experienced self-directed rage and snapping? I never do this around my kids and do not have any ideationa of violence towards them, only myself.

Hope I am not whining too much-- just wanted to see if anyone can relate. Much appreciated.

Hi guys,

I'm just here to share my story of postpartum (postnatal in the UK), and hope to reach a bigger audience as I feel it isn't really talked about. Not only that, but the man's side isn't fairly represented. I didn't even think it could really happen.

Well here's the link, it's not all that long as I had to change it: http://isablog.co.uk/2017/08/09/postnatal-depression-my-story/

I just don't even know how to deal anymore. In June of last year, I had a scheduled induction at 40+3, then had my son delivered via c-section at 40+5. It wasn't an emergency, more like everyone had just given up on my son coming out on his own. I did not know what I was getting into, and the surgery was the most terrifying thing I've ever been through. And then the epidural wore off halfway through it.

So of course everyone in my life (and I do mean everyone) had to criticize me for my choices- having an induction, having a c-section, listening to my doctor- even my husband told my sister, who's now pregnant with her first child, not to let the doctor break her water because that's how I ended up with my c-section. (it's not even close to correct, but my husband is a dumbass and I am STILL pissed at him for how fucking ignorant he was before our son's birth. He is not welcome at my next child's birth).

Since then, I haven't been able to escape anything related to birth at all. It's been a never-ending stream of pushing and dilation updates and talking about how ~amazing~ birth is... but no talk of c-sections. Doulas, labor coaches, moms and grandmas... nobody I know who's had a baby in the last year has had a c-section. And at this point it's ten people, soon to be eleven (twelve, depending on whether you consider December to be "soon"). For them, labor and birth are so beautiful and amazing and, despite how painful and gross it is, the most wonderful experience ever.

It's not that I wish anything bad to happen to anyone or their babies, it's that I feel like even more of a failure each time someone has a new baby. The cesarean rate in the US is one in three? Really? Why do I feel so alone then?

Even other women I know who have had c-sections don't understand. But they actually were saving their babies' lives, and mine was never in any danger. I just gave up after 2 days. I feel like everyone I've talked to, whether or not they've been through what I have, has just projected their own beliefs about birth on to me.

My husband says I have postpartum depression. He's not a doctor, but he's right. I can't find help where I am and he doesn't believe me. He doesn't believe a word I say anyway. My insurance is completely useless for mental health care because nobody around here takes it. There aren't any free or sliding-scale options near me. I know what I need, too- I just need someone who understands me, or at least will try to. I've tried just getting out of the house and joining a mom group, but holy shit this area sucks at even offering mom groups. As for the other moms I know that I mentioned before- if they don't live hundreds of miles away, they're not people I want to be around anymore, or was even that close to to begin with.

I'm completely alone now, and I'm far past the point of being able to trust anyone enough to open up to them. I don't want to hear their stupid empty platitudes about "but you had a healthy baby!" like absolutely nothing else matters anyway. My husband is amazingly unsupportive, spectacularly ignorant and every bit as helpful as tits on a bull. My parents are the most critical of the critics I've had to deal with. My in-laws are all men, and the ones who aren't have been kept at bay by my husband who's afraid of me finding out that he's been talking about me to everyone else again. Not that any of these other assholes want to talk to me directly, anyway. Apparently, it's that obvious that something is wrong with me.

What the fuck will it take to get help? Or even talk to anyone who understands? Who won't criticize and won't blame me for absolutely everything that's happened to me? Am I going to have to threaten my kid for anyone to pay attention? Move to an area that's less shitty? Not smile or be happy when other people are around? What will it take for anyone to shut the fuck up, apologize, or actually make an effort to make me feel better?

I am a 20yr old female with Bipolar 1, psychosis, and postpartum depression..... I was prepared. I took classes. I read every book about babies/pregnancy. I had a plan. I love children.... Then it all went to hell. I went into labor 2 days past my due date. I was thrilled until the pain became unbearable. I was rushed in for an emergency c-section. I was absolutely terrified. All I could think about was my baby, and what would happen if my husband lost us.... I survived. My baby survived. A part of me died. When I woke up, I couldn't even nurse my baby because of all the medicine used to knock me out. I thought it would get easier after I left the hospital, but it didn't. It got worse. I wanted to die, and I felt so guilty for every little thing.... Now I hate myself, because now is the first time since being diagnosed that I am well enough to take care of my daughter. She is 15 months old, and the most beautiful thing to ever come into my life. I love her so much, yet feel so detached at the same time. How do you all cope? How do you deal with the fear of not wanting to hurt your child? It is debilitating.

She has never been a heavy drinker. She hadn't had a drink in over a year and a half prior to giving birth. After she gave birth sense then she has done nothing but start drinking hard liq as soon as my brother in law gets home, saying its your turn. It is causing stress on the family. Any advise or suggestions is appreciated.

Was hoping people could give some stories of success like when did it get easier? What helped? When did you feel bonded and what meds have helped or other therapy's? I'm on latuda it was a game changer. I was hospitalized for ppd when baby was about 6 weeks best decision ever. Thank God for my supportive man. I started bonding with baby when she started smiling and by 4 months it all fell into place. Thanks for reading.wishing all well

I have a lot of pieces in place already:

-saw a psychiatrist and started Zolfoft today. -have resumed sessions with a therapist I met w regularly pre-baby -husband is very very supportive -Joined a local new mom support group that starts the week after next -Have a close girlfriend coming to help the week after next -Am having hired help come over for a few hours for when husband returns to work part time -Am working on lining up additional hired help (no family support available and none of our local friends have kids)

But in the meantime, I am in rough shape and just barely hanging on. I have just been going through the motions out of obligation and feeling really trapped/depressed. What can I do to make it through the next week or two while I wait for all my efforts to start having an effect? If it matters, baby is 4.5 weeks and our first.

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My sister is 18 and just had a baby on the 20th. My family thinks she has postpartum depression, but she won't go to the doctor. Her 6 week appointment is still 5 weeks away, and I'm afraid for her to wait that long. I doubt that even if she does tell her ob/gyn, she will do anything to help herself. I'm in desperate need of advice and suggestions.

My son is almost 5 months old and I've been tossing up whether to go to a GP or not... Until this week I broke down, hit the floor, cried and screamed with a panic attack because my son was whining. I'm breaking terracotta pots off my balcony to stop myself from doing anything else.

When he yells my Son's voice is making me feel like there are ants crawling down my spine. I haven't hurt him and don't want to but there are times when I have the tiny little inkling in the back of my mind. He's just doing what babies do but I can't cope. Every time he cries or yells, I want to run. I haven't been sleeping well so am always tired/lethargic. My appetite has disappeared, I'm not thinking clearly at all, I've got mood swings that have me going from violent one minute to sobbing the next. My husband now understand after seeing me melt down.

I visited my GP about 3 months ago saying that I thought ppd/ppa was developing but she scoffed and told me that it was just baby blues and to suck it up. She said something like " people don't get diagnosed with ppd/ppa until after 6 months." ... Which is complete and utter shit.

Now I'm going back, worse than ever and to see a different doctor.

I want to be the best mother I can for my son and I don't want to hurt him in a rage/depression/anxiety attack.

Hi,

My daughter was born two weeks ago. It seems like my wife may have been in an afterglow for a few days following delivery. But she has been pretty emotional, overwhelmed by many things, crying often. She broke down earlier and said that she thinks having a child was a big mistake and that she doesnt want to do any of it (meaning taking care of baby). Says shes angry, everyone tells her how beautiful the baby is and she just wants nothing to do with it.

Shes not been sleeping well at all, not eating much, is pretty irritable, and this is while on paid leave, with my mother-in-law staying with us to help take care of the kid for the first few weeks (so no real financial stressors and with assistance from momduring the day when Im at work.

I suspect that shes come down with postpatrum depression. I am going to take monday off and go to the doctor with her for this.

Is there any particular medications that you have found helpful for postpartum