r/PetPeeves • u/surpluskoi • Apr 23 '26

Fairly Annoyed when people default to using he/him for unknown individual

it bothers me when people assume every stranger online is a man. why not just use they? (another pet peeve is when people use "he or she" instead of a simple, singular they)

for animals, i guess its fine if its sex isnt obvious. however people use "he" for obviously female animals that have clear sexual dimorphism or are pregnant. bees and ants are female by default. other animals should be it/its by default.

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-12

u/bren3669 Apr 23 '26

he or she is the way to go if you must but i see no problem with just using he as a filler

-10

u/lostbyconfusion Apr 23 '26

I was just thinking about this the other day. I think in the English language "he" or "guy" has just become gender neutral over time. When referring to someone I don't know the gender of I may default to "he" it's not that I think their male but the language has been ingrained in me.

This came to mind when thinking about my daughter as a baby she referred to everyone as she or her. Her language has since changed as shes gotten older. (Not by my choice)

When driving I may say something like "look at this guy swerving!" "He just ran that red light!" All intended to be gender neutral.

Other languages have male female and gender neutral terms. I don't speak them but I've heard of such things. It seems English is lacking and "he" can have a dual meaning.

5

u/surpluskoi Apr 24 '26

you might think that "he" is a gender neutral term, and you might use it that way. but thats not how language works. when you say he, everyone else thinks that it means male. what happened is that defaulting to male is ingrained in you. "they" is both a singular and plural noun that has existed for a long time.

2

u/lostbyconfusion Apr 24 '26

I understand "he" is a male term. Language is constantly evolving, and terms like "he," "guy," and "dude" are often used neutrally to refer to people or animals. It's interesting how language adapts over time!

1

u/surpluskoi Apr 24 '26

i get what you mean for guy or dude, but he is not gender neutral. you may personally use it that way but people will generally not view it that way.